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Best of HogWild's FUNNY CHATS

From time to time HogWild will log on to various Chats, mostly regarding subjects he knows little or nothing about.  So in an effort to proclaim his stupidity, we present to you another inane conversation with HogWild.

 

HogWild as Sherwood meets a lady named Jessica, in a room for teenagers  . . .

<Sherwood> so jessica where are you from?

<Jessica11> illinois

<Sherwood> illinois?

<Sherwood> i LOVE illinois

<Jessica11> yeah

<Jessica11> oh

<Jessica11> where do u live?

<Sherwood> its my MOST favorite state named after a murdered Indian tribe!

<Jessica11> oh

<Jessica11> age/sex please

<Sherwood> i live in the most mediocre state of the midwest, O-hi-o

<Sherwood> age/sex?

<Sherwood> you're very direct

<Sherwood> i like that in a mailman

<Sherwood> but you are a young lady?, no

<Jessica11> yeah

<Sherwood> ok, i'm 23 how old are you?

<Jessica11> my grandma lives in ohio

<Jessica11> 11

<Sherwood> 11!!!!

<Sherwood> oh my gosh

<Jessica11> yeah

<Jessica11> lol

<Sherwood> what are you doing on the internet unsupervised!

<Jessica11> chatting

<Sherwood> when i was 11 i wasnt even allowed to watch outside my window!

<Jessica11> lol

<Sherwood> 11!!

<Sherwood> dammnn!!

<Sherwood> i mean, DAAAARRNNNNNN!

<Sherwood> so what do you want for xmas?

<Sherwood> pokemon?

<Sherwood> or barbie?

<Sherwood> or silk undergarments?

<Jessica11> when did u start typing fast

<Jessica11> ?

<Sherwood> it’s all with one hand really

<Sherwood> anyhoo

<Sherwood> so what do you want for xmas?

<Sherwood> are you a jesus-person?

<Sherwood> a fan of jesus?

<Sherwood> or a fan of mohammed, or jehova, buddha?

<Sherwood> or do you not root for religion?

<Sherwood> what up GIRL!

<Jessica11> lol

<Jessica11> u type fast

<Sherwood> you type slow

<Sherwood> so what do you want for christmas?

<Jessica11> hey im only 11

<Jessica11> a lot of stuff

<Sherwood> like what?

<Sherwood> video games

<Sherwood> dolls?

<Jessica11> i want a house all for me, a telescope, my own room

<Jessica11> im not a doll girl

<Sherwood> a TELESCOPE!

<Sherwood> you're greedy!

<Sherwood> when i was 11 i got a toothpick and they told me it was a spaceship

<Jessica11> lol

<Sherwood> so what will you use the telescope for?

<Jessica11> lol

<Sherwood> looking into GIRL's Bedrooms?

<Jessica11> look in the sky

<Jessica11> 10 Journals

<Sherwood> oops! that's what *I* would use it for

<Sherwood> sorry

<Sherwood> 10 Journals, whats that?

<Jessica11> thats ok

<Sherwood> why look in the sky

<Jessica11> u don;t know what a journal is?

<Sherwood> whats up there that aint down here?

<Sherwood> a journal is a magazine for nerds

<Jessica11> i don't know

<Sherwood> is that right?

<Jessica11> no

<Jessica11> no no no

<Sherwood> like New England journal of medicine.. no pictures or nothing!

<Sherwood> oh, a diary?

<Sherwood> like with a lock and stuff

<Jessica11> its like a diary

<Sherwood> come on keep up girl!

<Sherwood> ok

<Sherwood> listen

<Sherwood> youd better get a good lock

<Sherwood> bc your mom and dad and brothers will try to read it

<Sherwood> i should know, i read MY brother's journal

<Sherwood> you know, just to see what he said about me

<Jessica11> lol

<Jessica11> i know

<Sherwood> one time he wrote, dear diary: i know sherwood has been reading this. i HATE you sherwood and i hope you die.

<Sherwood> that was 400 years ago today

<Jessica11> my sister trys to read mine

<Jessica11> or at least she tried

<Sherwood> i havent spoke to him since

<Sherwood> sad isnt it

<Sherwood> see thats wack, she should respect your privacy!

<Sherwood> but moms want so bad to help you and understand

<Sherwood> but sometimes they should just leave us alone, right?

<Jessica11> i guess

<Jessica11> u typ really fast

<Sherwood> no?

<Sherwood> ok, so like you dont care if she reads you journal?

<Sherwood> what is she found out that you liked Tommy!

<Sherwood> or Bobby!

<Jessica11> yeah i do

<Sherwood> or Billy!

<Sherwood> you do like Bobby!

<Jessica11> lol

<Sherwood> oh,

<Jessica11> my 2 friends like billy

<Sherwood> billy is HOT

<Jessica11> no

<Jessica11> not at all

<Sherwood> he has the cutest eyes...

<Sherwood> why not?

<Sherwood> you dont dig that 3 weeks without a bath style?

<Sherwood> does he have muscles?

<Jessica11> because he has a ponytail like a girl, alot of freckals, etc

<Sherwood> haha!

<Sherwood> well, George Washington had a ponytail

<Jessica11> hold on

<Sherwood> and he was cool

<Sherwood> ok

<Sherwood> so what boy do you like?

<Jessica11> a boy on the bus

<Sherwood> which boy

<Sherwood> the one with the short hair?

<Sherwood> brown hair?

<Jessica11> no

<Jessica11> wait

<Jessica11> i don;t remember

<Sherwood> ok

<Jessica11> he hasn;t been one the bus for 2 days

<Sherwood> probably has jury duty

<Sherwood> he'll be absent for awhile

<Sherwood> hey girl let me tell you whats important to look for in a guy

<Sherwood> FEP

<Sherwood> do youknow what FEP is?

<Jessica11> no

<Sherwood> FEP = Future Earning Potential

<Sherwood> VERY important

<Sherwood> you should like boys based on how much money they will earn in the future

<Sherwood> for instance

<Sherwood> say Joey is an artist

<Sherwood> very cute, very caring, but he loves art

<Sherwood> loves to paint

<Jessica11> yeah

<Sherwood> you cant date him bc he will never make any money until after he is dead

<Jessica11> and i almost have to go

<Sherwood> this will not help pay the rent

<Sherwood> now take jeremy

<Jessica11> how do u know?

<Sherwood> his is bloated, fat but he will be a computer engineer

<Sherwood> Big units, crazy bacon bits, fat cash ahead!

<Sherwood> date jeremy

<Sherwood> see what i'm saying...

<Sherwood> you need a man with the FEP

<Jessica11> not on jeremy

<Sherwood> so you like jeremy

<Jessica11> no way

<Sherwood> oh, why not?

<Jessica11> i want a boy to be nice, and cute

<Sherwood> thats a lot to ask

<Sherwood> nice AND cute

<Jessica11> what

<Sherwood> how about nice and not repulsive

<Jessica11> i don't like many cute boys

<Jessica11> some boys i like other girls say he is ugly

<Sherwood> oh, you like boys whose face resembles 3 day old roadkill?

<Sherwood> so you like ugly boys

<Jessica11> what does repulsive mean?

<Sherwood> nothing wrong with that

<Sherwood> repulsive means, hmm, how do i explain... like rosie o'donnell

<Sherwood> many ugly boys have great FEP

<Jessica11> i like cute boys, and some boys that aren't very cute

Sherwood> like bill gates

<Jessica11> yuck

<Sherwood> bill gates is yucky but very rich

<Jessica11> so

<Sherwood> he may be a dork, but he will give you a nice house

<Sherwood> a barbie dream mansion

<Jessica11> thats not all that counts in a boy

<Sherwood> and you can go out to Ponderosa EVERY weekend!

<Sherwood> and chuck e cheese on holidays!

<Jessica11> lol

<Sherwood> ok, well you will learn as you get older

<Sherwood> thats okay

<Jessica11> ok

<Sherwood> enjoy life young jessica

<Jessica11> now i have to go

<Sherwood> you have so much time ahead of you

<Sherwood> me too

<Sherwood> its past my bedtime

<Sherwood> i need to get my beauty sleep

<Sherwood> like 4 years worth

<Sherwood> have a good night

<Jessica11> u typ soo fast

<Sherwood> and remember you are important

<Sherwood> and you are special

<Jessica11> :)

<Jessica11> thanx

<Sherwood> dont let any fool tell you different, ya hear!

<Sherwood> good night!

<Jessica11> lol

<Jessica11> goodnight

and thus HogWild (as Sherwood Schwartz) manages to corrupt the mind of America's youth

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HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: funny chats, kid jokes and funny pictures

| EXPERT DATING ADVICE | DATING ADVICE | DATING COACH | MEMBERS | STORE | FUNNY PICTURES | FUNNY RANTSCOMEDY VIDEOS | DATING ADVICE MAN | CARTOONS | CHATSGAMES | LINKS | COMEDY SHOWS | CONTACT | JOIN NOW |