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Best of HogWild's FUNNY CHATS

From time to time HogWild will log on to various Chats, mostly regarding subjects he knows little or nothing about.  So in an effort to proclaim his stupidity, we present to you another inane conversation with HogWild.

 

HogWild as Sherwood, in a room for teenagers  . . .

<Shorty_99> hi

<Shorty_99> asl

<Shorty_99> 19/f/ca

<Sherwood> ji

<Sherwood> hi

<Sherwood> i got tongue-tied

<Sherwood> what up shorty

<Sherwood> i'm not short

<Sherwood> but i like short people

<Shorty_99> whats up

<Shorty_99> as

<Sherwood> they make me feel more important....

<Sherwood> huh?

<Shorty_99> asl

<Sherwood> so you're in cali?

<Sherwood> what's asl?

<Shorty_99> im not short either

<Sherwood> oh

<Shorty_99> im very tall

<Sherwood> so why is your nick shorty?

<Sherwood> are you short in other areas?

<Sherwood> like say, intelligence?

<Shorty_99> i like the name shorty

<Sherwood> oh, ok

<Sherwood> did you see that movie Get Shorty

<Sherwood> very funny

<Shorty_99> no

<Sherwood> that danny devito dude makes me laugh

<Shorty_99> asl

<Shorty_99> really

<Shorty_99> asl

<Sherwood> he's so short and stocky

<Sherwood> short and stocky people make laugh

<Sherwood> and it doenst hurt to be stout either

<Shorty_99> i new some one name sherwood

<Sherwood> oh yeah, who?

<Sherwood> what does asl mean/

<Shorty_99> ex boyfriend

<Shorty_99> age sex location

<Sherwood> you ex was named sherwood?

<Sherwood> oh

<Sherwood> so like in a bar, if i said yo baby, asl

<Sherwood> they would be like: 22, not with you, and not here ?

<Sherwood> so why did you break up with Sherwood, your're ex?

<Shorty_99> just computer talk

<Sherwood> is it bc he had a small jammy?

<Sherwood> that's always the reason.

<Sherwood> no matter what a bim says, it's always the small jammy

<Shorty_99> are u going to ever answer my question

<Sherwood> girls SAY you dont do anything around the house, you're not sensitive, you smell, but really it's always about the jammy

<Sherwood> oh your ques.

<Sherwood> age: 23 sex: mostly alone location: the media mecca of the midwest dayton, O-Hi-O

<Sherwood> so prove that you’re a girl

<Shorty_99> asl

<Sherwood> cuz lots of dudes like to pretend they're chicks bc they're really queer but just afraid to experiment with buttsex

<Shorty_99> how old are u / male? and where are u from

<Sherwood> i on the other hand am not afraid to experiment...

<Sherwood> not that i've tried it

<Sherwood> just that i know i wouldnt like it

<Shorty_99> o

<Sherwood> bc one time sat on my clarinet on accident, and it wasnt fun

<Sherwood> so prove you're a bim

<Shorty_99> have u been on the net long

<Sherwood> oh yeah

<Sherwood> but not chatrooms

<Sherwood> i rarely chat

<Sherwood> bc most peeps are freaks

<Shorty_99> 34d

<Sherwood> they like say they are william shatner, but really they are a 14 year old boy with

<Sherwood> what?

<Sherwood> 34 D??

<Sherwood> thats supposed to make me believe you're a bim?

<Shorty_99> trust me im female

<Sherwood> i mean, it DID get me excited but that only bc i'm a typical male Pre-vert

<Sherwood> just the mention of boobies, snack trays or snuggle-bubbles makes me go crazy

I've just coined a new term for breasts: Snuggle-Bubbles.  There can never be enough slang for hoots, milkers, lovelumps . . .

<Shorty_99> by bra size

<Sherwood> i mean, right now, i cant feel my legs!

<Sherwood> 34 d

<Sherwood> ok keep proving

<Shorty_99> lol

<Shorty_99> ur funny

<Sherwood> not funny

<Sherwood> serious

<Sherwood> deadly serious

<Shorty_99> lol

<Sherwood> so um

<Shorty_99> ok

<Sherwood> like

<Sherwood> only bims would know about their menstrual cycles

<Sherwood> give me few facts about yours and then i'll believe you

<Sherwood> nothing grotee

<Sherwood> i have a weak stomach

<Sherwood> like, dont tell me it looks like tomato soup-- homemade style

<Shorty_99> i have my period for five days out of a week each month

<Shorty_99> good enough

<Sherwood> 5 days a month

<Sherwood> or 5 days each week each month = 20 days

<Sherwood> whcih one ay?

<Sherwood> hmmm

<Sherwood> waiting

<Shorty_99> the first one

<Sherwood> oh

<Sherwood> ok

<Shorty_99> look

<Sherwood> you pass

<Sherwood> but i'm still suspicious

<Sherwood> ok, here are some sure-fire questions...

<Shorty_99> if you dont think im female

<Shorty_99> how do i no ur a male

<Sherwood> hang on, just pass my quiz and yo'reall set

<Sherwood> how doy ouknow i'm MALE!

<Sherwood> that's easy, i

<Sherwood> my brain and jammy dont work at the same time

<Sherwood> what other proof do you need

<Shorty_99> lol

<Sherwood> ok

<Sherwood> here are my questions

<Shorty_99> ur funny

<Shorty_99> on the reals

<Sherwood> do you NEED to hold the remote control while watching tv?

<Shorty_99> ask away

<Shorty_99> no

<Sherwood> ok

<Shorty_99> do u

<Sherwood> which would you watch

<Sherwood> football or soccer or ice skating

<Sherwood> uh oh

<Sherwood> you're thinking too hard

<Sherwood> got an answer?

<Shorty_99> i was a cheerleader for four high school years i like football

<Sherwood> hmmm

<Sherwood> ok, when you were a cheerleader, what was your favorite cheer?

<Shorty_99> did u see my answer

<Sherwood> yes

<Sherwood> what was you favorite cheer

<Shorty_99> R-O-W-D-Y

<Sherwood> um, ok

<Sherwood> ok so were you the cheerleader the guys threw in the air

<Shorty_99> no

<Sherwood> bc there is always a fat cheerleader on the bottom

<Sherwood> the one that hold up the pyramid

<Sherwood> was that you?

<Shorty_99> there were no guys on the sqaud

<Sherwood> what?!

<Sherwood> then how did you form pyramids and who looked up your skirts?

<Sherwood> did you at least have a marching band?

<Shorty_99> we didnt have fat people

<Sherwood> come on

<Sherwood> do you find trumpet players sexy?

<Sherwood> just think, they use their lips professionaly

<Shorty_99> look why are u asking these dumb question!

<Shorty_99> lol

<Sherwood> but then again, they also use a Spit Valve professionaly

<Shorty_99> do u play the trupet

<Sherwood> so did you ever do-it with any football players?

<Sherwood> like under the bleachers just like in the movies

<Shorty_99> hell yeah

<Sherwood> that would be exciting

<Sherwood> hell yeah

<Shorty_99> hell yeah

<Sherwood> like one player at a time, or the field goal unit or what?

<Shorty_99> the quater back was fine as hell

<Shorty_99> one at a time ***hole

Looks like I've finally gone over the line and pissed her off.   Hey she didn't mind when I insinuated she might be dumb, but now . . .

<Sherwood> so you went thrid and long?

Sherwood> hey, i dont judge?

<Sherwood> i dont judge

<Shorty_99> only one

<Sherwood> i'm not judge judy

<Sherwood> or judge joe brown

<Sherwood> i dont care what you did

<Sherwood> i think its cool

<Shorty_99> ok

<Sherwood> so you DID have relations with multiple football players?

<Shorty_99> bye

Dang it!  I thought she might admit to it.  I don't see why not.  It's not like I'll ever see her at the mall and strike a Heismann pose and start thrusting my hips!  I mean, I don't  even know where she GOES to the mall!

<Sherwood> is it true that QB's have big jammy's?

<Sherwood> i'm sorry

<Sherwood> i’ll behave

<Sherwood> so you let him kick it thru the goal posts?

<Sherwood> you let him Spike it in the endzone?

Somehow these childish sexual innuendoes did not entice her back into the conversation.  But honestly, I think I was having a better conversation with MYSELF anyhow.

and thus HogWild (as Sherwood Schwartz) manages to piss off an innocent Cheerleader-Ho!

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HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: funny chats, Cheerleader jokes and funny pictures

| EXPERT DATING ADVICE | DATING ADVICE | DATING COACH | MEMBERS | STORE | FUNNY PICTURES | FUNNY RANTSCOMEDY VIDEOS | DATING ADVICE MAN | CARTOONS | CHATSGAMES | LINKS | COMEDY SHOWS | CONTACT | JOIN NOW |