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Best of HogWild's FUNNY CHATS

From time to time HogWild will log on to various Chats, mostly regarding subjects he knows little or nothing about.  So in an effort to proclaim his stupidity, we present to you another inane conversation with HogWild.


HogWild as Sherwood, in a general chat area, with 35 onlookers  . . .

<Sherwood> so what are we talking about in this joint?
<Sherwood> what did everybody get for christmas?
<Frank_Dux> we're talkin bout dub
<Frank_Dux> i got a money
<Sherwood> as in the dub dub double-u B network?
<Sherwood> you got a money?
<Frank_Dux> nah
<Sherwood> how much of a money?
<Frank_Dux> as in dub
<Sherwood> as in music?
<Frank_Dux> money
<Frank_Dux> 1000 crowns
<Sherwood> ooh crowns, sounds expensive
<Frank_Dux> how much did you get`?
<Sherwood> um, once i got a burger king crown
<Frank_Dux> yeah 1 crown is a million bucks
<Sherwood> really?
<Sherwood> i'm rich!
<Sherwood> but wait
<Sherwood> what about adjustable crowns?
<Frank_Dux> what's that?
<Sherwood> oh see when you go to BK-- the fun land of heart attacks, you can get a crown to wear with your meal
<Sherwood> where are you from?
<Sherwood> clearly not Ohio
<Frank_Dux> we don't have BK where i live
<Sherwood> never heard of burger king-- perhaps Missouri
<Frank_Dux> i live in the wastelands
<Sherwood> the WASTELANDS!
<Sherwood> NEW JERSEY!
<Frank_Dux> yeah Missouri that's right
<Sherwood> hey buddy, i used to drive thru NJ all the time
<Dblshock> tip of the day
<Dblshock> never fry bacon naked
<Sherwood> not true Dblshock
<Frank_Dux> what do you drive?
<Frank_Dux> lincoln?
<Sherwood> just dont fry it on YOURSELF naked
<Frank_Dux> lincon
<Sherwood> I drive a bus
<Sherwood> but i make lots of kids happy
<Frank_Dux> bus? why?
<Sherwood> its a schoolbus
<Sherwood> its a rewarding experience
<Frank_Dux> oh i see
<Sherwood> not for the units, just to see their smiles each morning
<Sherwood> as they shoot spitballs at me
<Sherwood> and scream
<Frank_Dux> so the schoolbus driver from simpsons is your rolemodel right?
<Sherwood> and play that loud rap music
<Sherwood> AHHH!
<Sherwood> one day i'll drive off a cliff for sure!
<Sherwood> that dude rules
<Frank_Dux> well in that case
<Frank_Dux> i hope the bus got parachutes
<Sherwood> yea it does
<Sherwood> it's a racing bus
<Frank_Dux> does it have a V8?
<Sherwood> its goes so fast when i hit the brakes the chute comes out
<Sherwood> the bus doesnt have a v8, but i have a glass or 2 every morning to get pumped
<Frank_Dux> really?
<Sherwood> yup
<Frank_Dux> that sounds kinda bad
<Sherwood> the bus has is black and has a skull painted on the front
<Sherwood> that really seems to upset the parents tho
<Sherwood> but HEY, its MY bus
<Frank_Dux> yeah
<Frank_Dux> how old are the kids?
<Sherwood> if they dont like it, they can pretend to care about their kids and drive them themselves!
<Frank_Dux> hehe
<Sherwood> between 7 and 14 dependeing on how dumb they are
<Frank_Dux> haha
<Frank_Dux> ur funny
<Sherwood> dude i know
<Sherwood> but my mom doesnt think so
<Frank_Dux> so do you make fun of the dumb kids?
<Sherwood> no, I just drool back at them
<Frank_Dux> ever used this line?: get in ya retard!?
<Sherwood> my mom sent me a holiday card saying best wishes in the New Year, god knows you cant have any WORSE luck
<Sherwood> it's not considered correct to call the retards Retards, so I call them Mentally Defeated Kids
<Frank_Dux> oh MDF
<Frank_Dux> get in ya damn MDF!
<Sherwood> so what do you do?
<Frank_Dux> i'm in school
<Sherwood> do you ride the bus?
<Frank_Dux> evry day
<Sherwood> bc i could drive you, no problem
<Frank_Dux> i think i'll pass
<Sherwood> so you're in what grade?
<Frank_Dux> 12:th
<Sherwood> i'm a GOOD driver. no accidents-- on the road anyway
<Sherwood> once i scared myself so bad i had an accident, but i cleaned that up quick
<Frank_Dux> do you hit alot of roadkill?
<Sherwood> no!
<Frank_Dux> nice
<Sherwood> i CREATE a lot of roadkill
<Frank_Dux> ok
<Sherwood> so are you in high school?
<Frank_Dux> lots of squirrels?
<Frank_Dux> yepp
<Frank_Dux> final year
<Sherwood> what part of the country
<Sherwood> i'm in Ohio
<Frank_Dux> the northern part
<Sherwood> so will ya be going to college?
<Frank_Dux> dunno
<Frank_Dux> it's possible
<Sherwood> if so, may I recommend CWRU. I hear they have a WONDERFUL social scene
<Frank_Dux> i'd like to travel around a bit first
<Sherwood> oh so you're a stoner
<Frank_Dux> stoner??
<Sherwood> do you smoke every day or only on weekends?
<Frank_Dux> me?
<Sherwood> ya know, hittin' the cheeba cheeba
<Frank_Dux> i don't smoke?
<Frank_Dux> never!
<Sherwood> the funky green leaves
<Sherwood> the laced lettuce
<Frank_Dux> nope
<Sherwood> the p-funk junk
<Sherwood> oh ok
<Frank_Dux> sorry
<Sherwood> so you want to travel?
<Sherwood> why!
<Frank_Dux> hmmm ya kknow girls
<Frank_Dux> i drink a little bit
<Frank_Dux> but it's allright
<Sherwood> so you live in an isolated glacier?
<Dblshock> is there any females that would like for me to kiss them right on there butthole?????
<Sherwood> are there no girls where you live?
<Sherwood> are they no libations where you live?
<Frank_Dux> there are
<Sherwood> and...
<Frank_Dux> libations?
<Sherwood> you must live in Minnesota!
<Sherwood> land o 1000 lakes
<Sherwood> and 1000 pound ladies!
<Frank_Dux> what the hell is libations?
<Sherwood> ya know
<Sherwood> the drinky drinky
<Frank_Dux> i thought that was Finland
<Sherwood> the silly water
<Sherwood> so you hate your parents so much you want to "travel" to get rid of them?
<Sherwood> thats not very nice
<Sherwood> i mean sure, *I* moved 700 miles away from MY parents
<Y2KMouse> hi all
<Y2KMouse> Merry Christmas
<Sherwood> but that was because, um, distance makes the heart grow fonder
<Frank_Dux> i'm sick of tired of them wining and wimping, that's all
<Sherwood> plus its harder for mom to nag when its over the phone
<Sherwood> i hear ya Frank, i hear ya
<Frank_Dux> so u wanna be a busdriver all ur life?
<Sherwood> oh sure it's fantasmic!
<Frank_Dux> but is the money any good?
<Sherwood> you should move far away and then only call once a week
<Sherwood> then once a month
<Frank_Dux> hehe
<Frank_Dux> then once a year
<Sherwood> then they'll miss you so when you come back home
<Sherwood> they'll treat you like royalty!
<Frank_Dux> man ur one smart fella
<Sherwood> i know
<Sherwood> then once they start nagging again
<Sherwood> you say "WAIT! gotta catch my flight outta here"
<Frank_Dux> you leave
<Sherwood> see next millennium!
<Frank_Dux> hehe
<Frank_Dux> cool
<Sherwood> so do you like babseball?
<Frank_Dux> no
<Sherwood> oh
<Frank_Dux> hockey
<Sherwood> hockey?
<Frank_Dux> yes
<Sherwood> are you sure you're not from canada
<Frank_Dux> no
<Frank_Dux> sweden
<Sherwood> tell me i'm not giving my great advice to a canadian
<Sherwood> SWEDEN!
<Sherwood> really?
<Frank_Dux> yepp
<Frank_Dux> really
<Sherwood> you guys have high school in sweden
<Frank_Dux> yeah
<Sherwood> man, you want to move out of sweden
<Frank_Dux> yeah
<Sherwood> there are no BABES in sweden?
<Frank_Dux> ofcorse there are
<Sherwood> land of the Swedish Blonde Bim Bikini Team?!!!
<Sherwood> what the hell are you thinking?
<Frank_Dux> what?
<Sherwood> you guys have the best chocolate
<Sherwood> the hottest bims
<Sherwood> the best knives
<Frank_Dux> best chocolate?
<Frank_Dux> knives?
<Sherwood> oops, i'm confusing you with switzerland
<Sherwood> honest American mistake
<Sherwood> so what IS the difference between Sweden and Switzerland?
<Frank_Dux> sweden kick usa butt in HOCKEY
<Sherwood> ok
<Sherwood> so
<Frank_Dux> we are better hockey players
<Sherwood> you can kick the USA butt in Hockey all you want
<Sherwood> you have more ice
<Sherwood> your point?
<Sherwood> We have better log-rollers
<Sherwood> we have more logs
<Frank_Dux> no you have more ice
<Sherwood> that's like saying Mexico is better than Sweden in Bull Fighting
<Sherwood> they have more bulls
<Sherwood> so do you guys have a president or a king or what?
<Frank_Dux> King
<Sherwood> a KING?!
<Sherwood> damn!
<Frank_Dux> yeha
<Sherwood> so you have no choice over who rules you?
<Frank_Dux> what do you have?
<Sherwood> you cant even make fun of his genatalia?
<Sherwood> or who he is bopping?
<Sherwood> we have a president!
<Sherwood> we vote
<Sherwood> well i dont, but responsible citizens do
<Frank_Dux> he is bopping the queen i guess
<Sherwood> but he's the kings, he can do-it with whoever he wants to
<Sherwood> so if he's the king
<Sherwood> could he not knock on your door
<Sherwood> and say excuse me Frank, I need to make love to your mother
<Sherwood> now
<Frank_Dux> nah
<Frank_Dux> he couldn't
<Sherwood> Why not?
<Sherwood> isnt he 100% in control?
<Frank_Dux> cause then i'd send him off in a nigga rampage
<Sherwood> whats a nigga rampage?
<Frank_Dux> you don't wanna know
<Sherwood> Sweden doesnt have many black people, do you?
<Frank_Dux> about 17% of the population
<Sherwood> that more than the US.
<Sherwood> so what is a nigga rampage?
<Sherwood> is that when you rise up from 600 years of oppression and demand equal rights?
<Frank_Dux> i won't tell you
<Sherwood> oh please!
<Sherwood> i want to have a nigga rampage
<Sherwood> i do!
<Frank_Dux> no you don't
<Sherwood> actually Nigga Rampage is the latest track by Busta Rhymes
<Frank_Dux> he's cool
<Sherwood> for real, what is it?
<Frank_Dux> gimme some moe
<Sherwood> how about a honkey rampage?
<Frank_Dux> honkey?
<Sherwood> where I shoot everybody in my school
<Frank_Dux> yeah like in Denver
<Sherwood> honkeys are melanin-impaired peeps
<Sherwood> white folks
<Frank_Dux> ok
<Sherwood> so if i move to sweden, can i be king?
<Frank_Dux> nope
<Sherwood> or do i first have to remove the current king?
<Sherwood> do i have to be a blood relative?
<Frank_Dux> only the king's son can be the king
<Sherwood> can he adopt?
<Frank_Dux> nope
<Frank_Dux> or he can adopt if it's a nigga
<Sherwood> what if it's a Jew?
<Sherwood> do you guys have Jew Rampages?
<Frank_Dux> not so much anymore
<Frank_Dux> we used to
<Frank_Dux> the rabbi squad
<Sherwood> oh, that Holocaust must have quieted things down
<Frank_Dux> yeah
<Sherwood> the Jewish Rampage is when they all run the streets looking for bargains
<Sherwood> they're dangerous
<Sherwood> they run with scissors
<Frank_Dux> but we've had a lotta commu rampages lately
<Sherwood> just in case they see a coupon
<Sherwood> whats a commu?
<Sherwood> a communist?
<Frank_Dux> communist
<Frank_Dux> a Stalin lover
<Sherwood> so if the king is cool, why do some peeps wanna go commie?
<athena_2> thanks - merry xmas to you too michelle
<Demon_Child> Merry Christmas to all
<Frank_Dux> cause they want the soviet union to rise again
<athena_2> aaah
<athena_2> its just after 3am here
<Sherwood> dude, the soviet union is like Ronald Reagan's jammy, it will NEVER rise again
<Frank_Dux> maybe, maybe not
<Frank_Dux> if they allie with china maybe
<Sherwood> China is scary
<Sherwood> all those people
<Sherwood> but i must admit
<Frank_Dux> no it's a great country
<Sherwood> they make a very tasty egg roll
<Frank_Dux> with a strong but fair leader
<Frank_Dux> ok
<Frank_Dux> never eaten a egg role
<Sherwood> oh my god!
<Sherwood> never!
<Frank_Dux> nope
<Frank_Dux> miss anyhting?
<Sherwood> you betta get yourself some chinese food
<Sherwood> shrimp with sweet and sour sauce
<Frank_Dux> i eat mostly swedish food
<Sherwood> beef and brocolli
<Sherwood> mmm
<Sherwood> swedish food?
<Sherwood> like swedish meatballs?
<Frank_Dux> potatoes and meatballs
<Frank_Dux> yes
<Sherwood> hmm okay
<Sherwood> what else
<Frank_Dux> blood pudding
<Sherwood> ewwww!
<Frank_Dux> it's rich on iron
<Sherwood> my last girlfriend made me do that once, but NEVER AGAIN
<Sherwood> nasty
<Sherwood> i dont care how much you love a girl...
<Sherwood> so is the swedish chef on the Muppets an accurate portayal?
<Frank_Dux> and Jansons temptation
<Frank_Dux> ever had JANSONS temptation?
<krissybaby> hi everyone
<Sherwood> Bjork Bjork Bjork!
<Sherwood> who as Janson
<Sherwood> and what tempted him?
<Frank_Dux> it's a meal you idiot
<Sherwood> oh
<Sherwood> so what is it
<Sherwood> hey i never called you names
<Frank_Dux> ok sorry
<Sherwood> contrition, sweden is good at that
<Sherwood> so whats in Janson's meal
<Frank_Dux> it's fish
<Frank_Dux> ansjovis
<Sherwood> do you nubs eat lots of fish?
<Frank_Dux> potatoes
<Sherwood> oh
<Frank_Dux> yeah
<Frank_Dux> we import from Norway
<Frank_Dux> shrimps
<Sherwood> fried shrimp?
<Sherwood> raw shrimp?
<Frank_Dux> nope
<Frank_Dux> cocked
<Sherwood> hey you can cock your shrimp all you want
<Frank_Dux> coocked
<Frank_Dux> shut up
<Sherwood> but at least have some pride, say JUMBO shrimp
<Frank_Dux> cook
<Sherwood> oh ok
<athena_2> lol
<Sherwood> so you do you celebrate JesusDay or did the King abolish that?
<Frank_Dux> damn, this keyboard is makingme thirsty!
<Frank_Dux> i'm an ateist
<Frank_Dux> i dont' believe in Jesus nor in god
<Sherwood> oh so you believe that when you die your body rots
<Sherwood> and the bugs eat you
<Sherwood> and thats it
<Sherwood> no heaven
<Sherwood> no afterlife
<Frank_Dux> hmm
<Sherwood> no possible match-up with Linda Carter in heaven?
<Frank_Dux> i think that the soul don't die
<Sherwood> so no god, but there is a soul?
<Frank_Dux> something can't just disappear
<Frank_Dux> the soul can't rott
<Sherwood> things can disappear, like my health benefits when i get fired
<Frank_Dux> so maybe it tramsfers into someone else but with no memory of it's past
<Frank_Dux> or something
<rose_thorn> that is hell not heaven
<Sherwood> interesting Big Running Lightfoot
<Frank_Dux> yeah but then, the benefits goes to someone else
<Sherwood> so does the king give you health care?
<Frank_Dux> yeah
<Frank_Dux> sometimes
<Sherwood> ?
<Frank_Dux> when he is on a good mood
<Sherwood> so if its really important you have to go in front of him and kiss his ring and say YOUR MAJESTY please, its just a bandaid!
<Frank_Dux> no
<Sherwood> why dont you nubs get yourselves a democracy
<Frank_Dux> he throws the money out fromn his balcony
<Sherwood> then you can VOTE for people who will deny you healthcare
<Sherwood> thats nice
<Frank_Dux> we want a commu leader
<Frank_Dux> we wanna be a part of the new soviet union
<Sherwood> NO!
<Sherwood> are you insane!
<Frank_Dux> why
<Frank_Dux> ?
<Sherwood> look what communism got the soviets
<Sherwood> NOTHING!
<Frank_Dux> i wanna be a soldier in the red army
<Sherwood> yeah ok
<Sherwood> wait 3 hours in line for bread
<Sherwood> no freedom
<Frank_Dux> it got them pride
<Sherwood> it got them to be America's bitches
<live> hi people
<Sherwood> we pay them billions of dollars in aid now
<Frank_Dux> freedom
<Sherwood> freedom to say what you want
<Frank_Dux> are you free?
<Sherwood> to do what you want
<Sherwood> hell yeah
<Frank_Dux> no ur not
<Sherwood> in America we call our Leader a pervert
<Sherwood> and we dont go to jail
<Sherwood> we get a gig on Leno
<Sherwood> we CHOOSE our leaders
<Frank_Dux> in usa, you can't do anything without breaking a law, you call that freedom?
<Sherwood> the people make the laws
<Frank_Dux> no 1 people makes the law
<Frank_Dux> 1 guy
<Sherwood> you think the commies will let you jaywalk
<Sherwood> NO!
<Sherwood> theyll put you in jail with no trial
<Sherwood> in america you get a trial
<Sherwood> and you CAN break the law
<Frank_Dux> i won't go to jail
<Sherwood> look at OJ Simpson
<Frank_Dux> cause i would be true to my commu leader
<Sherwood> man lets break it down
<Frank_Dux> follow his evry command
<Sherwood> democracy and capitalism works
<Sherwood> look what america has created
<Sherwood> Everything
<Frank_Dux> i believe 1 guy can rule the world
<Sherwood> well except anything cultural or spiritual
<Frank_Dux> if he is good in heart
<Sherwood> but everything else
<Frank_Dux> what has america created?
<Sherwood> USA created the internet, tv, movies, the microwave, Judge Judy!
<Sherwood> what did russia create?
<Frank_Dux> tell me
<Sherwood> ice sculptures?
<Sherwood> a wall in germany?
<Frank_Dux> misery
<Sherwood> why do you thimk the east germans ran over the wall?
<Frank_Dux> is was america has created
<Sherwood> bc they loved commies?
<Sherwood> NO!
<Frank_Dux> suffering for millions of people
<Sherwood> if communism was so great why did all the east germans flee
<Sherwood> bc communism is WACK
<Frank_Dux> what we're you guys doing in Vietnam and in Korea?
<Sherwood> if communism is so great why are countries moving AWAY from communism
<Sherwood> we were killing babies
<Sherwood> whats your point
<samjack> where are you at Frank?
<Sherwood> what was STalin doing in USSR
<Sherwood> killing 20 million
<Frank_Dux> he had to
<Sherwood> so they wouldnt secede from his union
<Sherwood> see
<Sherwood> your insane
<Sherwood> when you have to FORCE people to do something
<Frank_Dux> you can't leave the union
<Sherwood> it must not be to the people's benefit
<Sherwood> you are brainwashed
<samjack> Hey, Sherwood, this guy is one of those who can't stand to be on his own two feet, a real lamer
<Sherwood> you dont kill 20 million people
<Frank_Dux> Stalin was a great man
<Sherwood> ok Frank, now you're just mentally defeated
<samjack> and Ted Bundy was a humanitarian
<Sherwood> Hitler was cool too
<Sherwood> great mustache
<samjack> oh, I prefer Mussolini's
<samjack> bald head
<Sherwood> nice one testicle
<Frank_Dux> hitler was an ***hole
<athena-afk> i hope youre joking Sherwood
<Sherwood> see frank is brainwashed
<Frank_Dux> and a coward
<Sherwood> he thinks commie is the way to go
<Sherwood> seriously
<Sherwood> communism is totally bogus
<Sherwood> it works in theory but not in real life
<Frank_Dux> why?
<Sherwood> just look at the facts
<Frank_Dux> we commus don't kill unless we have to
<Sherwood> communism got popular in the 40's and now everybody is leaving it
<Sherwood> look at democracy
<Frank_Dux> you americans kill just for fun
<Sherwood> not for fun!
<Sherwood> for profit!
<LDSgirl> hahahahha
<samjack> ...and only those who oppose you, right Frank, like those innocent people in Grozney?
<Frank_Dux> Denver, was that profit?
<Sherwood> yes
<Frank_Dux> you are insane
<Sherwood> it was a vast consipiracy perpetrated by CNN
<brochista> frank dux F*** off
<Sherwood> dude, you'll see
<Sherwood> when you become a pinko
<Sherwood> they'll take away all your rights
<Frank_Dux> pinko?
<Sherwood> you'll become a robot
<Sherwood> who salutes the Stalin
<samjack> you have a good Christmas LDSgirl
<Sherwood> who can speak his mind like a man
<Sherwood> who cant choose his destiny like a man
* Frank_Dux salutes Josef Stalin
* Frank_Dux salutes Karl Marx
<Sherwood> who is not a man because he is a faceless part of the mob
* Frank_Dux salutes Vladimir Lenin
<Sherwood> Marx and Lenin may have meant well
<Sherwood> but it just doesnt work
<Sherwood> as proven by your boy stalin
<Frank_Dux> it will work
<Frank_Dux> next time
<Sherwood> what kind of freak demands that cities be named after him
<Sherwood> and puts up statues of himself
<Sherwood> Michael Jackson!
<Sherwood> and Stalin
<Frank_Dux> stalin almost made it
<Frank_Dux> it's to honour him
<Sherwood> they will take away your interent access
<Sherwood> did you know that?
<Frank_Dux> it's like when you build stautes of ur presidents
<Sherwood> they will block sites
<LDSgirl> hey stop arguring over communism on Christmas, it's not nice
<Sherwood> yeah We HONOR them, we're not FORCED to do it
<Sherwood> there is no christmas in commie-land
<Sherwood> religion is banned
<LDSgirl> hahaha
<Sherwood> you cannot practice your religion
<Sherwood> your religion is the state
<Frank_Dux> religion is for the weak
<LDSgirl> thanks frank
<Sherwood> and so are wheelchairs
<Sherwood> whats your point
<Sherwood> so is subscribing to a political system where all the decisions are made for you
<LDSgirl> my thought exactly
<Frank_Dux> commus are free, they don't need religion
<Sherwood> must i break it down for you Frank
<Frank_Dux> merry christmas you capitalist murderers
<Sherwood> The USA is the dominant superpower of the world
<Sherwood> by luck?
<Sherwood> or because we have the best system
<LDSgirl> hahahaha
<Sherwood> we have every nationality in our borders
<Sherwood> we have a system that makes people want to achieve
<Sherwood> communism is a system that makes you lazy
<Frank_Dux> no
<Frank_Dux> it makes you sharp
<Sherwood> why is Russia broke?
<Frank_Dux> alert
<LDSgirl> hahahahahaa
<Sherwood> why is russia begging the US for money?
<Sherwood> why is the president of Russia a drunk?
<Frank_Dux> because the mob takes all the money
<Frank_Dux> Jeltsin is weak
<Frank_Dux> he's no real commu
<Sherwood> Why is the Russian flag so ugly?

Then we both got kicked out for arguing about Politics on Christmas. The OP must be a Commie!

and thus HogWild (as Sherwood Schwartz) manages to piss off another racist communist from Sweden!


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