HogWild as Sherwood, in a room called Gay Malaysia. Hog
is posing as a gay guy in this room when he strikes up the convo . . .
<Sherwood> so you're saying that it is seen as "normal" to be gay in
<[Shock]> I said I have no idea because I am not in
<Sherwood> oh, so what country are you in
<[Shock]> New Zealand
<Sherwood> I heard that New Zealand is the San Francisco of the Pacific, is that
<Sherwood> would you say gays number almost 50%?
<[Shock]> No More like Sydney or Melbourne
<Sherwood> excuse my American ignorance, but is New Zealand a separate country from
Australia, or is like Canada is to the US, sort of a separate country but not really . . .
<Sherwood> and was there an "old" zealand?
<Sherwood> so would you consider yourself a "crusading queer" out to teach
the world, or just proud of who you are?
<[Shock]> No we are fairly a young country
<Sherwood> oh ok
<[Shock]> I dont belive in brainwashing anyone - people are who they are.
<Sherwood> so is it hard for you to find gay men?
<Sherwood> or do you just go to gay clubs to pick 'em up?
<[Shock]> More easier in our more populated cities.
<[Shock]> And there arnt many gay clubs here
<Sherwood> oh, so how do you "sense' if a dude is gay? do you pick u signals,
do you just ask . . .
<[Shock]> Yeh mainly signals/body/eye contact.
<Sherwood> so are you flagrant? or are you more subtle?
<[Shock]> no I dont glare.. more subtle -..
<Sherwood> for instance, i'm a twinkle-toes type of guy, but I am not effeminate. i
HATE dude who are gay and act like chicks. A man should act like a man even if he likes it
in the butt.
<Sherwood> i think a lot of these flaming guys give us a bad rap, what do you think?
<Sherwood> do you think nubs in biker shorts are hot, or gross?
<[Shock]> Yes - I hate guys who act too gay ie: Like women....
<[Shock]> I like manly men.
<Sherwood> ok, i have to ask
<[Shock]> nubs ?? is that american slang?
<Sherwood> sort of . . .
<[Shock]> btw are you gay ?
<[Shock]> And I see you are in Ohio ?
<Sherwood> when you are in a relationship, how do you decide who will be
"checking for oil"? like do you flip a coin?
<Sherwood> or are you always either on the receiving or giving end?
<[Shock]> erm... I've never been in a relationship -
<Sherwood> so say if this were Christmas now, do you prefer to "give" or
to "receive" the gifts?
<Sherwood> just depends on your mood?
<Sherwood> what do you do to ease the pain?
<Sherwood> see, i've NEVER been the wide-receiver, always the quarterback.
<[Shock]> Well to tell you the truth I'm not that fond of Anal sex.
<Sherwood> so only on special occasions, ay?
<Sherwood> mostly oral reports then?
<[Shock]> Yeh like when I'm drunk lol
<Sherwood> do like a man in uniform?
<Sherwood> once i did it with a man dressed as a firefighter
<[Shock]> lol but was he a firefighter?
<Sherwood> after I climbed his ladder, he "hosed" me down
<Sherwood> yes, a real firefighter
<[Shock]> ok ..
<Sherwood> you should have seen him slide down that greasy pole!
<Sherwood> he had MY sirens screaming!
<[Shock]> You like talking in metaphors dont you lol
<Sherwood> this wasn't no cat stuck in a tree-- he had to put out my internal flame!
<Sherwood> so have you ever done it with a woman?
<Sherwood> so when did you discover your gaydom?
<[Shock]> Only when I was 17 - kissed and tongued a girl infront of some mates at a
<Sherwood> and that didnt turn you on?
<[Shock]> cigarette breath - yuck!
<[Shock]> No - none whatsoever
<Sherwood> so that WOULD be a clue
<[Shock]> I've basically known all my life, I was gay
<Sherwood> i've known since i was 7
<[Shock]> Yeh same here
<Sherwood> i always fantasized about He-Man
<Sherwood> i had Gi Joes, but i didnt make them fight, i made them hump each other
<[Shock]> I use to fantisize about guys with their briefcases walking past lol
<Sherwood> have you ever waxed your chesthair?
<Sherwood> once i got mine permed
<[Shock]> no ..
<Sherwood> i think i really discovered i was a Queer-monger when i accidentally sat
on the bar of soap in the tub
<Sherwood> i farted bubbles and couldnt stop giggling!
<[Shock]> You americans can be weird sometimes hehehe
<Sherwood> some homosexually-challenged people think that we had to have some
serious problems to "become" gay
<Sherwood> like an uncle touching us as a child
<Sherwood> or a priest fondling our prepubescent fuzzy grapes
<Sherwood> or our dad whipping it out to see if we measure up...
<Sherwood> anything like that in YOUR past?
<[Shock]> nope ..
<[Shock]> yours ?
<Sherwood> my when my dad taught me how to urinate he whizzed with me in the toilet
<Sherwood> so at a young age I saw his jammy. So big and hairy compared to my little
pink mouse of a penis
<Sherwood> it made me feel insignificant
<[Shock]> hhe I bet
<Sherwood> and know i always wonder if my jammy will ever be as big as his
<Sherwood> so i swear, one day i will go back home and demand that he drop his
skivvies so we can compare!
<Sherwood> i want to know if i have caught up1
<Sherwood> have you ever jostled the jammy with the help of a scented lubrication?
<Sherwood> bc i did once
<Sherwood> what a MISTAKE!
<Sherwood> it hurt SO MUCH!
<Sherwood> just a word of advice, always check the ingredients for alcohol!
<Sherwood> ok, maybe this is just me being La Fabuloso Faggot, but I REALLY enjoy
wiping my butt after taking a dump
<Sherwood> do you enjoy wiping after a wicked caramel too?
<Sherwood> or am i just a freak with smelly fingers?
<Sherwood> ever had relations with a nub who had piercings?
<[Shock]> I only like the good tasting stuff that comes from penises
<Sherwood> you LIKE that stuff?
<Sherwood> i HATE clam chowder!
<Sherwood> too salty
<Sherwood> not good for my cholesterol
<[Shock]> Depends - some guys are sweet :P
<Sherwood> i heard that if you eat 3 cans of pineapples a day it makes your fluids
<Sherwood> is that true?
<Sherwood> or does it just make you more fruity?
<[Shock]> umm no idea lol
<Sherwood> once i dunked my jammy in grape jelly and had my partner make a sandwich
<[Shock]> btw How old r u ?
<Sherwood> ever rub your bottom in honey?
<[Shock]> ok.. and no I havent.
<Sherwood> once i glistened my entire rump in honey and had my lover act like the
<Sherwood> ooh it was fun
<Sherwood> he STUNG me good!
<Sherwood> so you don't enjoy experimenting?
<[Shock]> You have quite a fetish with food..
<Sherwood> you should hear the stuff i can do with BBQ sauce!
<Sherwood> ever play Return of the Jedi?
<[Shock]> my word ..
<Sherwood> when you play return of the jedi one partner is luke skywalker
<Sherwood> the other is darth vader
<Sherwood> and you fight with your light sabers
<[Shock]> I prefer to go straight to the meat myself
<Sherwood> kinda naked-like with your hands on your hips
<Sherwood> and the winner makes the loser act like his little Ewok-bitch!
<[Shock]> Sounds Interesting.
<Sherwood> did you ever wear under-roos?
<Sherwood> i used to wear the Wonderwoman underwear
<[Shock]> under roos?
<Sherwood> i LOVE wonderwoman
<Sherwood> under roos were (in america) underwear for kids with comic book heroes on
<Sherwood> ever heard of wonderwoman?
<Sherwood> or linda carter?
<Sherwood> if i wasn't so darn gay, i'd love to marry her
<Sherwood> ok, do you think that lucy lawless from Xena is a dyke?
<Sherwood> what celebs do you think are closet homo-mo-mo's?
<Sherwood> william shatner, gay?
<Sherwood> i think that Doctor from Star Trek was a bottomfeeder, come on, his name
<[Shock]> umm whats that guy - on that tool house sitcom?
<Sherwood> Tim Allen or his sidekick?
<[Shock]> One of the sons
<Sherwood> yes, they did all play soccer!
<[Shock]> cant remeber his name
<Sherwood> what about any of the cast of Saved by the Bell
<Sherwood> I think A.C. Slater was gay.
<Sherwood> Screech isn't gay, he's too dorky to be gay, I think he's simply
"undecided". as in neither gender has decided if they want him
<[Shock]> Zac ?
<Sherwood> Zac might be gay
<Sherwood> but i dont think so
<Sherwood> he seems like an all-american boob man to me
<Sherwood> i think he likes the warm comfort of two well-developed snuggle-bubbles
<Sherwood> have you ever fantasized about doing it with a female pro bowler?
<Sherwood> ya know, a short, spiky haired dyke?
<Sherwood> so women with plastic penises don't turn you on?
<Sherwood> me neither
<[Shock]> no women do..
<Sherwood> why would a woman want ANOTHER woman to slam a rubber jammy when they
could have a man?
<Sherwood> its not like we date men who have flappy pectorals so we can simulate
<Sherwood> tho, once I must admit
<Sherwood> i had a 1 nighter with this BFN
<Sherwood> (big fat nasty)
<Sherwood> his gutksi was so large
<Sherwood> that i was able to make love to his bellybutton!
<Sherwood> i know it's grotee
<Sherwood> i was drunk, he was fat, things just happened
<Sherwood> ok, if you could have a 1 night stand with ANY famous person, who would
<Sherwood> i KNOW you've thought about this!
<Sherwood> come on, who?
<[Shock]> I used to fantasize about Keanu Reeves lol
<Sherwood> i'd rather let SANDRA BULLOCK fellate me-- just so i wouldnt have to hear
<[Shock]> Thats when I was younger - and he was those Bill and Ted movies lol
<Sherwood> here's my list
<Sherwood> Ronald Reagan
<Sherwood> Richard Dawson (from Family feud)
<Sherwood> Alex Trebek
<Sherwood> What are ANAL BEADS for $100 Alex?
<Sherwood> Judge Mills Lane
<Sherwood> Ooh I'd like to bang HIS gavel
<Sherwood> Newman from Seinfeld
<Sherwood> ok, who else would you want
<Sherwood> oh and DUH, Ricky Martin!
<Sherwood> do you think Ricky Martin is a banana-boater?
<[Shock]> Dont think so.
<Sherwood> let's look at the evidence though
<[Shock]> I like blonde guys :P
<Sherwood> tinted hair
<Sherwood> dances well
<Sherwood> dresses well
<Sherwood> need i say more!
<Sherwood> i'd like some of his latin love
<Sherwood> i think he's a jammy-smoker for sure
<Sherwood> so why do they call you Shock?
<[Shock]> call me?
<Sherwood> how did you get the nick shock
<Sherwood> is it because you like the feeling of a nine volt battery in your rectum?
<[Shock]> umm .. nope.
<Sherwood> you can probably guess how i got MY nick
<Sherwood> just say my name a few times and you'll get it
<Sherwood> gotta run
<Sherwood> thanks shock!
<[Shock]> Ok Cya
<Sherwood> perhaps we'll meat again!
<[Shock]> perhaps lol
and thus HogWild (as Sherwood Schwartz) manages to
piss off another Gay Person!
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