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I'm looking for a girl with a glass eye. Is that you? 

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Best of HogWild's FUNNY CHATS

From time to time HogWild will log on to various Chats, mostly regarding subjects he knows little or nothing about.  So in an effort to proclaim his stupidity, we present to you another inane conversation with HogWild.

In this Chat I'm trying to convince foreigners that a girl with a Glass Eye is very sexy. It is all part of my master plan to sell glass eyes worldwide. So I need to promote it and make it into the next fashion craze. But it ain't easy!

<sherwood> hi, i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?
<TOYOL> nope
<sherwood> but are you a girl?
<TOYOL> no 
<sherwood> oh
<sherwood> but do you have a glass eye?
<TOYOL> no 
<sherwood> oh well, do you know any girls with a glass eye?
<TOYOL> yes
<sherwood> can you introduce me to them?
<sherwood> i would very much like to chat with a girl who has a glass eye

He never responded. So on to the next!

<sherwood> hi, i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?

<sherwood> hi, i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?

<sherwood> hi, i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?

Okay, 0 for 3 on those people. But I think I got one on this next Chatter!

<Sesyl> hi
<sherwood> hi
<sherwood> i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?
<Sesyl> no
<sherwood> oh, that's too bad
<sherwood> but are you a girl?
<Sesyl> no
<Sesyl> boy
<Sesyl> als
<sherwood> and you have no glass eyes?
<sherwood> useless!
<sherwood> have you ever dated a girl with a glass eye?
<Sesyl> no
<sherwood> you're REALLY missing out
<sherwood> it is SO sexy
<sherwood> the best is when a bim lets me polish her eye
<Sesyl> bye
<sherwood> i shine it up real good
<sherwood> what?!
<sherwood> you don't know what you're missing!
<sherwood> just once, put a girl's glass eye in your mouth!
<Sesyl> p***y <censored: female love canal>
<Sesyl> hot
<sherwood> no no no!
<sherwood> it's much better than that!
<sherwood> that's so played out
<sherwood> boring
<sherwood> you must be a virgin
<sherwood> that stuff was fun when you first start, but 2, 300 girls later, you'll want a glass eye
<sherwood> trust me

Hmm, okay. Let's move on. Surely there must be at least ONE bim with a glass eye out there!

<sherwood> hi, i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?
<RockFan> no sorry
<sherwood> but are you a girl?
<RockFan> wrong again
<sherwood> oh ok
<sherwood> but do you have a glass eye?
<RockFan> wrong again:)
<sherwood> oh
<sherwood> but do you know any girls who have a glass eye
<RockFan> on irc? no
<sherwood> oh, have you ever dated a girl with a glass eye?
<RockFan> not really
<sherwood> it is SOOO sexy!
<RockFan> did u?
<sherwood> have you ever dated a girl with a tongue ring?
<RockFan> no
<RockFan> what kinda questions r that?
<sherwood> very normal questions
<sherwood> if you are heterosexual
<sherwood> i didn't mean to offend you if you aren't
<sherwood> are you gay?
<RockFan> no i'm not
<sherwood> oh ok
<sherwood> so you never kissed a girl with a tongue ring?
<RockFan> :)
<sherwood> have you ever kissed a girl?
<RockFan> no
<RockFan> yes
<sherwood> which one man?
<sherwood> have you kissed a girl, or not?
<RockFan> i kissed a girl but not with tongue ring
<sherwood> ok
<sherwood> so you've only kissed one girl in your life?
<RockFan> where r u from anyway
<sherwood> i'm from Dayton, Ohio
<sherwood> the media mecca of the midwest
<sherwood> look, this glass eye thing is the shiznit
<RockFan> ok
<sherwood> when i was in New York City, all the bims were getting it
<RockFan> shiznit???
<sherwood> the hot stuff
<sherwood> gosh where are YOU from?
<sherwood> Akron?
<RockFan> i'm from poland
<sherwood> oh!
<RockFan> and english isn't perfect
<sherwood> so now i understand why you wouldn't have heard of this yet
<sherwood> no, your english is excellent
<sherwood> better than most Americans
<RockFan> tnx:)
<sherwood> look, you've heard of american blue jeans, no?
<RockFan> yes
<sherwood> well the next big thing is this glass eye
<sherwood> CK-Eyeball
<sherwood> there are advertisements everywhere in the US for this
<sherwood> but it probably won't come to Poland for 2-3 years
<RockFan> there aren't:(
<RockFan> yes
<RockFan> i think so
<sherwood> but i can hook you up if you want
<sherwood> i mail you a few eyes if you want
<RockFan> it wouldn't make sense
<sherwood> but you'll have to find someone who can implant them
<sherwood> do you want me to send you?
<RockFan> no1 here would do it
<RockFan> no thanks
<sherwood> are you crazy!
<sherwood> everyone will be doing it soon!
<sherwood> it's like American TV
<sherwood> at first no body in Poland watched it
<sherwood> but now everyone does, no?
<RockFan> well for ur knowledge i'm younger than u think
<sherwood> are you at least 18?
<RockFan> yes
<RockFan> american tv is very popular
<RockFan> u see im younger...
<sherwood> yes, just like glass eyes will be!
<sherwood> are you older than 12?
<RockFan> yes im 16
<sherwood> then you're old enough!
<sherwood> if you're old enough to wear American blue jeans, you're old enough to get the glass eye
<RockFan> old enough for what
<sherwood> but mostly it's for girls
<RockFan> what does it do?
<sherwood> you need to convince your girlfriend to get the glass eye
<sherwood> what does it do? what DOESN'T it do?!
<sherwood> just use your imagination
<sherwood> it is so sexy!
<sherwood> imagine pulling it out of your girlfriend's head and licking it!
<sherwood> HOT!
<RockFan> :)
<sherwood> no really
<sherwood> this is BIG in the states
<sherwood> i know, i thought it was kinda crazy when i first heard it too
<sherwood> but when i first made love to a girl with a glass eye...
<sherwood> i'll never date a girl without one
<RockFan> lucky u
<sherwood> sure she now has some problems with depth perception-- but that's a small price to pay
<sherwood> don't knock it until you knock it!
<sherwood> look, i'll mail you a catalogue of eyes
<sherwood> they make them in every color
<sherwood> like the i-macs
<RockFan> ok [email-address censored]

<sherwood> ok
<sherwood> you'll like this
<sherwood> your girlfriend will love it too
<sherwood> they like to buy 5-6 eyeballs
<RockFan> is it something like contact linces (sorry for bad english)
<sherwood> to match their shoes and stuff
<sherwood> no!
<sherwood> much better than contact lenses
<sherwood> we're talking actual eye balls
<RockFan> but it's something like this?
<sherwood> not really
<RockFan> oh ok
<RockFan> i know now
<sherwood> the glass eye is strictly cosmetic
<sherwood> you can't see out of it
<sherwood> it's just for show
<sherwood> like sunglasses
<sherwood> cool, you know?
<RockFan> i know now
<sherwood> Tommy Hilfiger is making one, Calvin Klien, Polo...
<RockFan> ok
<sherwood> just tell me this, would you CONSIDER dating a girl with one of these glass eyes?
<RockFan> listen i gotta go now
<RockFan> e-mail me
<sherwood> ok
<sherwood> Glass eye
<sherwood> watch for it
<RockFan> yes i will
<sherwood> goes great with pizza!
<sherwood> bye!
<RockFan> ok
<RockFan> c ya
<RockFan> later
<RockFan> send me this catalogue
<sherwood> ok
<sherwood> bye!

Mission Accomplished! Poland is now ready for my new trendy invention. I'm creating demand. See, I told you I was a marketing genius. 

<sherwood> hi, i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?
<Kloun> YEs!
<sherwood> excellent!
<sherwood> i really dig bims with a glass eye
<sherwood> what model eye do you have?
<sherwood> do you have the new FA-48's?
<Kloun> No , i have another eye!
<Kloun> It's a pity!
<sherwood> no no no!
<sherwood> it's awesome
<sherwood> it's totally better than a tongue-ring or tattoo
<sherwood> glass eyes are all the rage here in the States
<sherwood> are you in the US?
<Kloun> no!
<Kloun> i'm from a small country near Russia, Latvija!
<Kloun> That's why sorry for my English!
<sherwood> oh, so you guys haven't heard yet
<sherwood> glass eyes are what's in
<sherwood> like blue jeans
<sherwood> you have American blue jeans?
<sherwood> Calvin Klein?
<Kloun> yes of course!
<sherwood> well now there's CK Eyeballs
<sherwood> very sexy
<sherwood> all the hot club girls have them
<sherwood> have you ever kissed a girl with a tongue ring?
<Kloun> that's greate I think!
<sherwood> i see you never have
<sherwood> are you 15?
<Kloun> No 20!
<Kloun> Sorry!
<Kloun> how old are you
<Kloun> ?
<sherwood> oh, so you know what i mean then
<sherwood> wait, are you a virgin?
<Kloun> yes`1
<sherwood> i am 24
<Kloun> NO!
<sherwood> so you've never had sex
<sherwood> not even with some skank-ho in a stairwell?
<sherwood> so let me understand, have you had sex before?
<Kloun> YEs Offcorse j HAD!
<sherwood> oh ok
<sherwood> no big deal
<sherwood> so can imagine how sexy it would be to make love to a woman who had a glass eye?

I guess he couldn't imagine. 5 more strike outs until . . .

<sherwood> hi
<sherwood> i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye
<sherwood> is that you?
<_kasia> no
<_kasia> sorry
<sherwood> but are you a girl?
<_kasia> yes of course
<sherwood> oh, so why don't you have a glass eye?
<_kasia> I don't know
<sherwood> they're VERY trendy
<sherwood> like those new Polo bookbags
<sherwood> would you ever consider getting a glass eye?
<_kasia> no
<sherwood> ok
<sherwood> but you're really missing out
<sherwood> there's so much you can do with a glass eye
<sherwood> and they're really easy to keep clean
<sherwood> a lot of girls used to get tongue rings
<sherwood> but that gets infected and whatnot
<sherwood> but a glass eye never gets infected
<sherwood> do you have a tongue ring?
<_kasia> no
<sherwood> oh my god!
<sherwood> you have nothing!
<sherwood> not even one piercing?
<sherwood> not even one tattoo?
<sherwood> not even one prosthetic appendage?
<sherwood> nothing?!

Daaaaamn! This is hard work! I can't believe more people aren't into my trendy designer glass eyeballs!

<sherwood> hi, i'm looking for a girl with a glass eye, is that you?
<xilia26> who r U? sherly, right?
<sherwood> yeah 
<xilia26> where r u?
<sherwood> i couldnt use my nick :(

Okay, I admit. That was downright scandal-ass! I know. I know. I'm evil. Just shaddup! I gotta move some product!

<sherwood> i'm right here silly!
<sherwood> listen, i'm getting into this new thing
<sherwood> girls with a glass eye
<xilia26> why?
<sherwood> do you know anybody?
<sherwood> WHY?!
<sherwood> it's like all the rage!
<sherwood> it is SOOOOO sexy
<sherwood> i'm thinking of getting it done for myself
<sherwood> did i ever tell you that i used to have a tongue ring?
<xilia26> r u crazy?
<sherwood> no!
<sherwood> i'm telling you, EVERYBODY's doing it
<sherwood> i'm going to get it done
<xilia26> your words have no relations

Uh, oh. Is she on to my game? Did she figure out that I'm not her friend?

<sherwood> i don't care what my mom says
<sherwood> you should do it too
<sherwood> i can't believe you haven't heard of this
<xilia26> ????????????????????
<sherwood> why are you so freaked?
<sherwood> what's the big deal?
<sherwood> i thought we were cool
<sherwood> i've told you a lot of stuff about me
<sherwood> i thought i could trust you
<xilia26> what's wrong with u ,hah?
<sherwood> nuffin!
<xilia26> what did u eat just now?
<sherwood> :)
<sherwood> why won't you support me on this?
<sherwood> wait a second!
<sherwood> oh my god!
<sherwood> i just noticed this
<xilia26> I've never support crazy girl!!!
<sherwood> you're xilia *26* NOT xilia25!!!!
<sherwood> i thought I was talking to my friend xilia 25!
<sherwood> i'm so embarrassed!
<sherwood> aaaaaaaah!
<sherwood> i'm so sorry!
<sherwood> can you forgive me?
<sherwood> you seem nice and all...

I thought I'd give her an out. I felt kinda bad. But she was too dumb to get it so . . .

<xilia26> hah? i think my friend tease me
<sherwood> yeah

Right back into scandal-ass mode.

<sherwood> so look
<sherwood> you've gotta get this glass eye thing
<sherwood> i don't want to get it alone!
<sherwood> it's a simple operation
<sherwood> i know a place that will do it in 1 hour
<xilia26> what?
<sherwood> they take a spoon, remove your eye, and put in any kind of glass eye you want
<sherwood> I want the SDJ-29

SDJ (Sammy Davis, Jr.)

<sherwood> supercool!
<sherwood> but it costs 100
<sherwood> can you afford it?
<xilia26> u make me crazy
<sherwood> no, you're crazy NOT to do this!
<sherwood> don't you want to be with the in-crowd
<sherwood> all the VJs on MTV have glass eyes now
<sherwood> Britney Spears has it too
<xilia26> what r u talking about?
<sherwood> glass eyes!
<sherwood> no guy can resist one!
<sherwood> you know i want a new boyfriend
<sherwood> so i need to get this glass eye
<xilia26> why glass eye?
<sherwood> are listening to me?
<sherwood> so I can get a boyfriend!
<xilia26> does he like u with glass eye?
<sherwood> ALL guys like glass eyes!
<sherwood> that's why YOU should get one too!
<xilia26> I don't think so
<sherwood> don't be such a prude!
<sherwood> get one!
<sherwood> c'mon! 
<sherwood> i need you to!
<sherwood> if you don't get it, i can't get it
<sherwood> then i'll never get a boyfriend!

Despite my desperate cries this bim was not going to budge. The glass eye is a tough sell, but it'll catch on. Just like jelly bracelets, hula  hoops, and pants. Just you watch.

And so HogWild (as Sherwood) manages to piss off all women with legitimate glass eyes! 

 

 

 

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HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: funny chats, jokes and funny pictures

| EXPERT DATING ADVICE | DATING ADVICE | DATING COACH | MEMBERS | STORE | FUNNY PICTURES | FUNNY RANTSCOMEDY VIDEOS | DATING ADVICE MAN | CARTOONS | CHATSGAMES | LINKS | COMEDY SHOWS | CONTACT | JOIN NOW |