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Best of HogWild's FUNNY CHATS

From time to time HogWild will log on to various Chats, mostly regarding subjects he knows little or nothing about.  So in an effort to proclaim his stupidity, we present to you another inane conversation with HogWild.


HogWild as Sherwood, pretending to be a bucolic bim from Georgia, talking with 2 nubs from Greece.

<Neo_Angel> Hi! wanna chat?
<sherwood> sure
<Neo_Angel> a/s/l plz.
<sherwood> 18 female Georgia

Yes, I pretended to be a woman. Heck, it was Saturday Night, I was already wearing panties anyway!

<Neo_Angel> 19/m/Gr.
<sherwood> GR?
<sherwood> Germany?
<Neo_Angel> Greece.
<sherwood> aw Greece
<sherwood> I aint been there
<sherwood> is it nice?
<Neo_Angel> Yes.I suggest you come.Are you go to school?
<sherwood> school?
<sherwood> naw, i quit when i was 16
<sherwood> school is for nerds
<sherwood> i a farm gal

Not only am I a hick. I am a DUMB hick.

<Neo_Angel> You mean farmer?
<sherwood> yup
<sherwood> i milk cows
<sherwood> i like to milk cows alot
<sherwood> i love tugging on their tuggy-things
<Neo_Angel> Nice.What else?
<sherwood> i like to get the corn
<sherwood> i take the BIG LONG corn plant and rip them open for the juicy kernels
<Neo_Angel> DO you drink it?
<sherwood> no sillY!
<sherwood> it's corn
<sherwood> i chew it
<sherwood> then i poop it out
<sherwood> and use it to fertalize the crops!
<sherwood> i also like to "roll around in the hay"
<Neo_Angel> What is 'hay' and 'crops'?
<sherwood> yawl is so silly!
<Neo_Angel> What is 'yawl'?
<Neo_Angel> Just kidding!!
<sherwood> so what do YOU do, Scarecrow?
<Neo_Angel> We are two.The first is a occupational therapist & the second is a programmer.
<sherwood> TWO cowboys!
<sherwood> ooh therapist
<sherwood> what is that?
<sherwood> what do you program?
<sherwood> sounds nerdy?
<sherwood> i like men who bowl
<sherwood> and who are close relations

<Neo_Angel> I use activity to cure people.
<sherwood> you a doctor?
<Neo_Angel> Angel: makes programs for computer companies.
<Neo_Angel> Neo: like a doctor.
<sherwood> so you're a fake doctor
<sherwood> thats cool i guess
<sherwood> what kind of programs?
<sherwood> like PacMan?
<sherwood> i like PacMan
<Neo_Angel> Most games,especially Tetris.
<sherwood> you made TETRIS!
<Neo_Angel> Not the genuine.Just another version of Tetris in Greek.
<sherwood> wow
<sherwood> so do you guys do anything INTERESTING?
<sherwood> i like to bake
<sherwood> i make cakes
<sherwood> and i like to smoke marijuana
<Neo_Angel> Don't tell us that because were a little bit hungry!
<sherwood> maybe i'll drive my pick-up to yawl out in greece
<sherwood> so yawl believe in those greek gods
<Neo_Angel> No.Just legends.
<sherwood> is Xena real?
<sherwood> because that bitch has me trippin!
<sherwood> she is like a super dyke!
<sherwood> yawl like dykes?
<Neo_Angel> xena? NO.But Hercules was...
<sherwood> he's a homo?
<sherwood> a dyke is a lesbian!
<sherwood> yawl like lesbians
<sherwood> i done some lesbo stuff
<sherwood> i also wanked a horse
<Neo_Angel> Do you want me to be your horse??
<sherwood> yes because i need someone to help plow the field
<Neo_Angel> Interesting.I will join you happily!
<sherwood> yawl are crazy Greek freaks!
<sherwood> ever been to the USA?
<sherwood> where is Greece anyway?
<sherwood> is that in Canada?
<Neo_Angel> Where is Georgia? In Spain???
<sherwood> what?
<sherwood> in the US silly!
<sherwood> United States of America!
<sherwood> whats wrong with yawl?
<sherwood> i thought yawl were cool!
<Neo_Angel> Are you serious? Don't know where Greece is?? Parthenon?? Acropolis??
<sherwood> who?
<sherwood> Who is Acropolis?
<sherwood> is that one of them Pokemons?
<sherwood> i aint never been outside Georgia!
<sherwood> i like it here just fine
<sherwood> got my truck
<sherwood> my rock n roll
<sherwood> my beer
<sherwood> and my boys
<sherwood> what else could i want?
<sherwood> 'cept for some handsome Greek boys . . .
<sherwood> is yawl cute?
<sherwood> i like a man who is fit
<sherwood> no big bellies
<sherwood> and no Greek unibrows!
<Neo_Angel> You don't imagine how cute we are.
<sherwood> i can
<sherwood> i see a a big man who fornicates with sheep
<sherwood> yawl herd sheep?
<sherwood> i like to shear sheep
<sherwood> makes a nice coat
<sherwood> yawl got money?
<sherwood> i like a man with money to buy nice things
<sherwood> like beer
<sherwood> what kind of clothes do yawl wear
<sherwood> how do ya dress?
<sherwood> i like to wear denim shorts
<sherwood> cut-offs

<Neo_Angel> Berto Lucci.
<sherwood> Berto Lucci? Who's that? Another friend of yours?
<sherwood> i heard of Gucci. is that his cousin?
<sherwood> i wear white t-shirts
<sherwood> sometimes no bra
<sherwood> whats the point really
<sherwood> but my perky bosoms really do get sweaty
<sherwood> so i put some arrid extra dry between 'em
<sherwood> and some Off, to keep the bugs away

So I'm a girl who is not only NASTY but also has the name "Sherwood." These nubs aren't that swift.

<sherwood> yawl hairy?
<Neo_Angel> yes.
<sherwood> i heard greek men got hairy grapes
<sherwood> yawl need to shave to be with me
<sherwood> i dont want no man who looks like a bear!
<sherwood> insects crawlin' in his fur
<sherwood> remind me of my grandpappy
<sherwood> how he would bounce me on his lap
<sherwood> he would be wearin' just a robe
<sherwood> and he always had his pocket knife
<sherwood> said it was for good luck
<sherwood> used to keep stickin me tho
<sherwood> yawl got big pocket knives?
<sherwood> yawl is wizack on the real

A slight break in character.

<sherwood> i gotta jet
<sherwood> you bore me
<sherwood> and i was just about to ride naked on my John Deere Tractor
<sherwood> oh well, yawl canadians just dont have what it takes to make love to a real american woman!
<Neo_Angel> Your typing is extraordinary for a farm girl.

True. True.

<sherwood> i'm a farm gal, not a moron!
<sherwood> dont insult me!
<sherwood> we got computers and stuff out here
<Neo_Angel> We have the ECHELON.
<sherwood> you think you so smart cuz you from canada
<sherwood> well i tell you what mister
<sherwood> i'm an american
<Neo_Angel> And so what? I am Greek.
<sherwood> well we win the olympics and you lose!
<sherwood> i bet next you'll tell me you INVENTED the olympics
<sherwood> aint no important greek people
<sherwood> but look at all the important americans
<sherwood> like Jesse Ventura
<sherwood> Stone Cold Steve Austin
<sherwood> Tom Selleck

<Neo_Angel> Of course we invented them.You took the Olympics from us and it was settled.!!
<sherwood> whatever
<Neo_Angel> Who the f*%! are those?
<sherwood> yawl is just salty
<sherwood> now you cursin' at me
<sherwood> why?
<sherwood> mad because no one wants to visit your country?
<sherwood> mad because yawl money is worthless
<sherwood> mad because you can get UPN where you're at?

<Neo_Angel> Our tourism is very good! better than yours!!
<sherwood> who goes to CANADA?
<sherwood> aint nothin there but ice
<Neo_Angel> Greece is in EUROPE.Understood?
<sherwood> where?
<sherwood> what is that, some PROVINCE of canada?
<sherwood> you need to come to Dungville, where I live, to see how life should be lived!
<Neo_Angel> Get off! EUROPE!
<sherwood> Dungville, Georgia
<sherwood> is that near Montreal?
<sherwood> make me a gyro
<Neo_Angel> Souvlaki?
<sherwood> now you're gettin' fresh with me!
<sherwood> i aint never needed one of those, i get REAL men
<Neo_Angel> Do you want a real man? Come in GREECE..
<sherwood> i bet your last girlfriend had crabs
<sherwood> a real man looks like Bo from Dukes of Hazzard
<sherwood> you want a real WOMAN come to Dungville
<sherwood> i bet she smelled FOUL
<sherwood> her crotch smelled like a used gym sock
<sherwood> i'm CLEAN
<sherwood> i wash everyday
<sherwood> even my armpits
<sherwood> forget about your smelly women
<sherwood> i bet you smell too!
<sherwood> i bet yawl dont even use deoderant
<Neo_Angel> You are very funny!! You make us laugh!
<sherwood> whats so funny?
<Neo_Angel> Yes we do!
<sherwood> poor personal hygiene is no joke!
<sherwood> yawl like to drink moonshine?
<sherwood> that's the tish
<sherwood> get you buzzed
<sherwood> not like your weak Moosehead beer
<sherwood> Canadian beer sucks!
<Neo_Angel> F*%& CANADA. We are not from CANADA!

The best part was that of all the insults I lobbed at them: doinking sheep, having one eyebrow, being smelly . . . they took MOST offense at my accusation they are CANADIAN!

and thus HogWild (as Sherwood Schwartz) manages to piss off another Greek Canadian!


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HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: funny chats, Greek jokes and funny pictures