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HOGWILD! NEWS NETWORK INTERNATIONAL
HogWild News is a fictionalized account of actual news. So like duh, the quotes are made up.
HogWild News Network International is brought to you by Money. It’s green, it’s folds, and it fits snuggly in the sweaty g-string of some college co-ed paying her way by dancing on a beer-stained stage.
With time, about half of women with anorexia nervosa fully recover from the
eating disorder, according to results of a study of patients examined 21
years after being diagnosed with the condition.
marauding moron of medicine HogWild says they would have recovered sooner
but they wouldn’t swallow their pill because they thought it made them
A British family-planning charity gave men the chance to book a vasectomy on
the Internet with the launch of a ``cyber snip'' Web site service. Visitors
to the site can select their preferred location for the operation and put
down a deposit toward the cost.
free novelty email with the domain of @no-more-drippy-jammy.com, the site
also features a 24 hour “sliced-penis” cam, as well an assortment of
grotesquely animated electronic greeting cards to announce ‘V-Day’ to
your friends and former lovers.
Since the early 1970's, there has been a 57% drop in cavities in the
permanent teeth of 6- to 18-year-olds. While a teenager in the early 1970s
had an average of 6 to 7 cavities in their permanent teeth, their
counterpart in the 1990s had an average of 3 cavities.
this trend has not extended to rotten old England, where the average
person only has 6 to7 teeth WITHOUT cavities.
related news, HogWild’s mouth looks like a burnt out Apartment
building in the Bronx.
Leading Internet service provider America Online said it struck a
half dozen agreements with major players in the wireless communications
arena, furthering its effort to liberate its Web services from the tether of
AOL, QUOTE: “We’re looking to bring our semi-reliable and insecure
on-line service to every facet of people’s lives. We want people to be
able to receive spam porn emails from the comfort of their car. We
want to give hackers the convenience of stealing screen name passwords while
they’re on the can. AOL EVERYWHERE!”
President Clinton and U.S. governors wrestled with whether states should tax
non-partisan pompous pellet-head with the peculiarly petite penis,
HogWild, suggests that there be NO tax on the Internet, except for one.
Everytime some loser sends a forwarded email that promises good fortune if
they send it to five friends, they should pay the Loser Tax. $10.00
per forwarded email. This seems a small price to pay, given that these
idiotic emails promise vast wealth just for keeping them alive.
In related news, HogWild was vehemently opposed to any “sin” tax that would place a pay toll on “adult entertainment sites.” Vehemently opposed. Hard-fast in his determination to maintain a Free Net Porn Nation.
In one of the most significant acts of his papacy, Pope John Paul asked
forgiveness for the many past sins of his Church, including its treatment of
Jews, heretics, women and native peoples.
as leader of the Jews, Jeremy the Bloated One, ACCEPTED the apology in return
for a lifetime supply of donut-flavored edible yamakas.
Microsoft took the wraps off its eagerly awaited video gaming console
-- the X-Box -- the centerpiece of its plans to enter the highly
competitive video game hardware market and turn the $20 billion
industry on its head.
horny, homely humorist HogWild said he already has the
Microsoft X-Box: his filled-to-capacity with Big Jug JPG’s computer!
~ Police say two women posing as census
takers took an elderly woman for thousands of dollars. The
incident happened when the 90-year-old woman let the two women into
her apartment. Police said while one woman questioned the resident for about
an hour, the other rifled through the apartment, taking a strong box
containing between five- to ten-thousand dollars from a bureau drawer.
The OFFICIAL United States Census Bureau
would like to remind you that an authentic Census-taking does NOT go as
How many persons occupy this residency?
Where are their valuables located?
Approximately, what is the net worth of
Do you own a gun, and if so, do
you know how to operate it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how naive are
Notorious child murderer Ian Brady will not be allowed to starve himself
to death in prison, a British court ruled. The high court said Brady,
who was jailed for life for sadistic child killings, should be force-fed by
Amnesty International did
not protest the ruling as merciless, but DID protest his forced viewing of
the Grammy Awards as cruel and unusual punishment.
Scientists have discovered a key component of the sperm development process,
and the finding may one day lead to treatments that reverse some types of
male infertility, according to a new study in mice.
related news, Dr. Salami insists that this job was not so bad.
Said Salami, “Handling rodent grapes all day isn’t the worst
thing I could be doing. Last summer I was working for a lab trying to find a
cure for Elephant rectal cancer.”
Florida police have arrested a man who allegedly ran a mobile
dentistry practice from the back of his dilapidated 1980 Ford Mustang.
a public service, HogWild News would now like to present some obvious signals
that your dentist is not legally allowed to practice oral medicine.
waiting room magazine rack is in the glove compartment
waiting room is the passenger’s seat
you request Novocain, he pops the hood and removes the oil dipstick
tells you to rinse your mouth with windshield wiper fluid
using the rearview mirror to look in your mouth
framed diploma is actually his vehicle’s license plate
stretch your arm and accidentally honk the horn
attempts to brush your teeth with the ice scraper
sterilizing his equipment in a bottle marked CASTROL
in a FREAKIN’ RUSTY OLD CAR, LOSER!
An 85-year-old motorist brought his business to an auto body shop in
an unusual way when his car crashed into the building.
He lost control of his 1984 Buick Royale at a busy intersection and,
to the consternation of employees working there, his car plowed into the
Auto Body Repair Shop.
situation only became worse when the elderly man reached into his
wallet to pay for the damage and pulled out a crisp Confederate Dollar
Pretenders lead singer Chrissie Hynde was arrested for
protesting in the window of a Gap clothing store against what she
said was the store's use of leather from ``illegally and cruelly''
slaughtered cows in India.
The Hog-Wild News Network International has been compiled from various sources including but not limited to the Daily Newspapers, Internet Findings, Popular Magazines, and your mom.
Reproduction of this newscast, such as charging admission for its retelecast while not offering a cold beverage, without prior written consent will be considered sexual harassment and is punishable by law, lawyers, and rednecks with shotguns.
This is the SAME program HogWild uses. Find out how to make money $urfing, and how to get a Free HogWild MP3! CLICK!
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Revised: March 25, 2000. hogwild.net--- TELL A FRIEND!!