HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: Christmas jokes, Paris Hilton jokes

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HogWild Christmas NEWS

Christmas Jokes & Paris Hilton News

by HogWild

Paris Hilton writes to Santa:
Dear Santa,
I don't know if this is in the spirit of the season, but the only gift I want: for you to murder Nicole Richie, tie a red bow around her and stuff her anorexic corpse in my stocking. Thank you kindly.

Lip-sync loser Ashlee Simpson didn't actually "write" a letter to Santa but she "traced" the words someone else wrote.

Merry Christmas quiz:
Who lives in a secluded estate filled with toys? Whose love of children compels him to travel around the globe? Who gives
gifts to “good little boys” who keep quiet?

Answer:

 


Michael Jackson.
 

Kate Moss writes:

Dear Santa Claus,
This year I'm dreaming of a White Christmas. Wink. Wink. Listen, I'm sorry I killed Frosty by stealing his pipe and smoking him... I just couldn't resist all that white powder!



Tom Cruise writes to Santa:
Thank you for answering last year's letter! Katie is great and the press totally thinks I'm not gay anymore.

P.S. Obviously as a grown man, I really don't believe in a myth like Santa Claus-- besides Scientology teaches us that the
Grays made a level 8 Thetan psychic engram into Beingness.
 

Donald Rumsfeld writes to Santa:

Santa Claus,
The only thing I need this year is peace on earth. Heh. No seriously, I'd like an I-Pod

50 Cent writes to Santa:
I love you Santa! But why ain't you come to MY crib? I baked you cookies! And cake! And crack! Whatever you into, man.

Mariah Carey writes to Santa:
I love you Santa Claus!!
This year, like every year, I want a pony! Also, a glitter-covered unicorn that I can ride from the magic mushroom fairy circle to my top-40 cloud castle!!



Shakira writes to Santa:
Señor Claus,
In my country, Columbians know you as Papá Noel. You ride into town on a magical talking burro serenading all good children with lively songs from your guitarra-- bad children of course, are abducted and ransomed to leftist guerillas for Fiesta de Año Viejo.

While our traditions are different, please Santa de Claus, helps me move this kilo of blow before Christmas. Those  post-holiday discounts are killing business.

Green Day writes to Santa:
Dear St. Nicholas,
More like St. Suck-on-this!
Enclosed you'll find a picture of us giving you the finger. Stick it up your smoke stack! We're not playing your reindeer games anymore, St. Dick-o-less.
P.S. That was for our fans. Listen, we're like, old now. Our real wish list is for a sound retirement plan, diapers for the babies, and a new Volkswagen mini-van.

Pamela Anderson writes to Santa:
Dear Santa, I'd like new, even BIGGER Jingle Bells this year!

Nick Lachey writes to Santa:
Dear Santa, I'd like a new hot, dumb blonde for Christmas. Hilary Duff is legal now, right?

Bill Gates writes to Santa:
To: SantaClaus@thenorthpole.org
Subject: I've been a good boy
Dear Santa, I'm sorry I bought your company last year and outsourced all those jobs to elves in India. I will make it up to
you, if you would simply:

1 - Destroy Google
2 - Destroy Firefox
3 - Get Jessica Simpson to perform an X-Box 360 on my face.
4 - I will need new glasses after #3.


President Bush writes to Santa:
I only want one thing for Christmas: a new approval rating. Mid-60% would be pretty nice-- I believe in magic. And please make gay people not do gay things. And make the Muslims less Muslim-y. Maybe this year give them a falafel pan or something, instead of just bombs.

P.S. Thank you for dying for our sins.

Kanye West comments:
Santa Claus... Doesn't care... About black people. Why do you think white kids keep getting better presents?
 


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HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy:  Christmas jokes, Paris Hilton jokes

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