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Funny News jokes: Tom DeLay Jokes, Republican Jokes

Congressman Tom DeLay has been indicted on charges that he broke campaign finance laws.

* I have sympathy for Tom DeLay… it must be hard because he wants to win at all costs. If this was baseball we wouldn’t be calling him a criminal. We'd be calling him George Steinbrenner.

* Because of his tough style, indicted Congressman Tom Delay earned the nickname “The Hammer.” And after all the legal fees, if he’s convicted, he’ll be like another famous Hammerbroke.

* Indicted Congressman Tom DeLay is known by the nickname "The Hammer." He has a lot in common with the rapper Hammer. MC Hammer is known for his loose pants. Congressman Hammer is known for loose interpretation of the law.

Tom DeLay has been indicted and stripped of his job as House Majority Leader. When asked if he would resign from the House, the tough congressman known as The Hammer said, absolutely not… I guess he's Too Legit to Quit.

The Hammer, if convicted, might be getting the hammer in jail.

Tom DeLay is totally innocent of all wrong-doing… and Donald Trump's new child will be going to public school.

* No way House Majority Leader Tom DeLay is guilty of campaign finance fraud. Our Government leaders always do what is right. We must not question their judgment or leadership -- because questions can only
lead to answers. And answers are unAmerican.

Tom DeLay breaks all the rules. He’s the bad boy of the House of Representatives. He's totally the AJ McLean of Congress.

*  Tom DeLay says he's innocent. Give him benefit of the doubt... after all, as majority leader he WRITES and approves the laws... He should know if he broke them or not... In fact, if you take a closer look at the campaign finance law, it actually says, NOTE: this law applies to all members of Congress -- except me. Because I said so. That's why.

* Former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham claims she's never read a book, even though she just wrote a book. Kinda like Tom DeLay who writes laws but apparently doesn't READ them before he breaks them.

* Congressman Tom DeLay is a moron. I mean, we all bend the rules at the office here and there. But HE works with 434 other lawyers. It's bad enough if you try to cheat at your weekly card game with the guys, but
are you that stupid to try that move at The World Series of Poker?

* Members of the House of Representatives are dismayed that their fellow Congressman illegally financed his campaign. Is there no honor among thieves?


* Residents of New Orleans are returning to their city. I wonder if residents of Atlantis went back.

*  The Mayor of New Orleans has invited business owners back. Unfortunately most people didn't receive their invitation because their mailbox is still 20 feet under water.
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* According to the Commerce Department, the economy was growing solidly before hurricanes Katrina and Rita, whose double blow is expected to make for rocky business activity in the months ahead. It’s weird that Weather has so much impact on the economy. It proves that Alan Greenspan's job as the Federal Reserve Board Chairman is much less important than Al Roker's job as the happy weather-guy.
* The wife of Former FEMA Chief Michael Brown claims he forgot to take out the trash. Brown blamed the kids, saying it was their responsibility. Then he blamed his wife for making so much trash. When his wife called him incompetent, he reminded her that he's taken out the trash hundreds of times. He knows how to take out the trash.

~ The Hog-Wild News Network International has been compiled from various sources including but not limited to the Daily Newspapers, Internet Findings, Popular Magazines, and your mom.

Reproduction of this newscast, such as charging admission for its re-telecast while not offering a cold beverage, without prior written consent will be considered sexual harassment and is punishable by law, lawyers, and rednecks with shotguns. 

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