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HogWild's Eminem Wedding News

Eminem Wedding News and Jokes

by HogWild

Eminem Remixes his Marriage to Kim Mathers. We all say things we regret when we're mad... when Eminem graphically describes murdering his wife in his song "Kim", that's just the anger talking.

Who hasn't -- in the heat of the moment -- written, performed, re-mixed, published and promoted a few angry words?

We've all been there, and sometimes you just can't help but put those hurt-words on your greatest hits album.

* The remarried couple plans to drive to a romantic honeymoon in Niagara Falls... where Eminem will let her out of the trunk... to toss out her body.

* What did Kim’s wedding dress look like? Since she is getting remarried, it obviously can’t be white. So Kim chose black... because it matched her bullet-proof wedding vest. You know, just in case Eminem got cold feet and attempted to slay her at the altar.

* At the high-class Mathers Affair, the wedding bells sounded remarkably like spent rounds
from a shotgun.

* At the wedding, the stylish and classy Eminem wore a black tuxedo with matching black doo-rag.

* The wedding reception was attended by over 200 friends, at least 25 celebrities, and roughly zero members of Kim’s family… I guess they still haven’t forgiven Eminem for calling their daughter a “b!tch-sl*t-$#%-sucking-wh0re with bloody tw@t breath” at the 2002 Grammy Awards.

LINDSAY LOHAN RELEASED FROM HOSPITAL

* She was treated for an “Asthma” attack, her publicist said. “Asthma” being the new street slang for cocaine.

Health officials warn, anyone can get “Asthma,” but most at risk are rich, bored people who make bad movies.

* Lindsay Lohan tells Vanity Fair magazine that she's obsessed with Johnny Depp because he's dark and cool and edgy and… dirty."

Johnny Depp's dark and cool and edgy and dirty penis could not be reached for comment. But if it could talk, it might say something dark and cool and edgy and dirty like: "Sproing!"

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