* The new Paris Hilton doll features:

Fully bendable knees.

Kung-fu grip hands.

Accessories that are sold separately: designer purses, shoes, and long vegetables.

Comes with 47 male dolls who are lined up and waiting.

Paris doll costs $69.69. (Package handling is always included.)

* Paris Hilton is the news more than the weather. In fact, they should have a Weather report forecasting Paris Hilton's behavior.

Monday: Sunny attitude but chance of storms if she see Nicole.
Tuesday: Raining men.
Wednesday: Strong wind from her mouth.
Thursday: Raining men.
Friday: Smog alert. Her legs are open.
Saturday: Raining men with a break in the afternoon followed by more raining men.

* Paris Hilton was issued a restraining order from man who says she harassed him.
This is absurd. TV stars like Paris Hilton can't just go around talking trash and shoving people. Who does she think she is? An NBA basketball player?

Rich girl Paris Hilton in Trouble again.
This is sad. If other girls had that much money, they would use it for something positive. Like an education. Or charity work. Or a nose job to straighten out that crooked beak.

* Paris Hilton is issued a restraining order.

This is not the 1st restraining order against Paris Hilton. In fact, it's # 300,000,000. Last year the American Public filed a class action restraining order asking the judge to “keep that obnoxious, talentless twit as far away from us as possible.”

* Paris Hilton is gangsta!

She has a grown man so scared of her, he had to file a restraining order to keep her away. The man was frightened when P-Hilton rolled up in her tricked out Cadillac, hanging out the window, threatening a drive-by blow-job.

* Paris Hilton is so gangsta, in her Louie Vuitton purse, she packs a Nine.... Inch vibrator.

* Paris Hilton always has beef. If it's not beef with another celebrity, then it's beef in her mouth.

* Ms. Hilton: Restraining Orders, Public Fights, a Porn Tape.
This really makes a hotel billionaire father proud. If only her hotel billionaire father was Donald Trump!