The more things change, the more they stay the same-except for my high school buddy Turk, he underwent a major surgerical operation and changed his name to Yolanda.
The only suspense I felt during the Blair Witch Project was: When the Hell is this Gonna END?!  And, Did I drop a Goober, or did my Eyeball just fall out of my Bored and Decaying Head?I eat MC's and leave their bones in a pile/And I got more kids on my jock than a Pedophile... WORD!Help Hog buy new pants, shop at the Bodega.

HOGWILD! NEWS NETWORK INTERNATIONALThe world is Jeremy's appetizer.

Hi, I'm Theodore-- the openly homosexual newscaster for Hog-Wild!

 Check out the Top 100 selling CD's!  Note: Any purchase of Yanni or John Tesh will forfeit your right to ever again enter this website.Check out the Top 100 selling CD's!  Note: Any purchase of Yanni or John Tesh will forfeit your right to ever again enter this website.

MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC, CHECK OUT THE TOP 100 SELLING CDs!

Buy the New Adam Sandler CD!Sandler introduces 34 new names for his Penis!  Groundbreaking!

Grab the New Live CD!  It'll make Bims think you're *sensitive*Grab the new LIVE Cd featuring the Hit Song, "When Dolphins Cry."

11/11/99

(transcribed from Theodore's Newscast 1 day later) Listen to the current News in Netcasts

w/ Theodore

HogWild News Network International is brought to you by scabs. Dried blood clots are a nutritious part of a complete breakfast—and they stay crunchy in milk.

British police investigating the murder of a university researcher were searching the Internet for clues to the identity of her killer.

The cops spent HOURS on the ‘net only to discover that the murderer was NOT Tina Torpedoes, Donna Duos, Becky Bosoms, or any of the bims pictured on the "naughty school-girls" netsite.

A collection of autographs of some of the greatest figures in western culture, such as Beethoven, Charlotte Bronte and Lord Byron goes on sale next month. The highlight of the private collection is a previously unknown autographed manuscript of a string quartet by Beethoven from 1817, estimated to fetch up to $324,000.

Beethoven’s Producer, Hans "Pimp-Daddy" Jagerson had THIS to say: QUOTE: "If Biggie and 2 Pac can release new albums years after they have expired, then why can’t we? Is it not plausible that we can discover that Bad Boy Beethoven has some never-before-heard master reels just 180 years after his tragic death?"

Beethoven’s label, "Old Skool Concerto", plans to release a double CD later this month. There was no comment from the camp of West Coast rival, Bach, whom many believed gunned down Beethoven in a drive-by cannon incident some 150 years ago.

Berlin celebrated the day the Wall came down, rejoicing and reflecting on the 10th anniversary of the moment that spelled the end of the Cold War division of Europe.

In related news, HANDBALL enthusiasts were saddened.

  Lola the goose may not escape the oven but at least she's had her day in the sun by winning this year's Italy Goose Palio.

``I like traditions,'' said Covin, ``So I thought we would not only eat the goose but also make it take part in the race.''

The man then awarded his prized goose the blue ribbon-- and proceeded to wring its neck.

  Jerry Seinfeld, whose famed TV character did all he could to avoid marriage, has become engaged to his real-life girlfriend -- a woman he met shortly after her marriage to another man.

Seinfeld, 45, has decided to tie the knot with Jessica Sklar, 28, a woman he started dating last summer, shortly after she returned from her honeymoon with her then-husband.

When asked if he felt like a sleaze-ball for stealing another man’s wife right after their honeymoon, Seinfeld responded QUOTE: "How was I supposed to know? We’re both on a plane coming back to NY from Jamaica, she’s alone, I start my routine about the salty-pretzels, she falls in love with me before he gets back from the bathroom. What can I say? At least she’s not a teenager this time."

Magician David Copperfield has ended his silence over breaking up with German supermodel Claudia Schiffer, saying that work had got in the way of their relationship but they remained friends.

HogWild News however, got the REAL scoop. Schiffer was simply tired of his old quarter-behind-the-ear trick every time they would meet. She had also been complaining that Copperfield had been sawing her in half without her permission. Said Schiffer, QUOTE: "Sometimes I’d wake up in 3 or 4 separate pieces. Do you know how ANNOYING that is? I have to go to the bathroom and I’m walking all the way downstairs just to find my ass."

  A court found that 1970s ``glam rock'' star Gary Glitter seduced one of his fans when she was just 14 before going on to sexually abuse her several times.

Said non-repentant Glitter QUOTE: "She wanted it. I SAW how she went "Na-na-na HEY!" Although found guilty, Glitter plans to capitalize off of the media coverage by re-releasing "Rock and Roll part 2" as the mood music for the new adult cinematic feature "Pedophiles in Paradise".

  UPN executives are calling it the ''Erase the Hype'' campaign.

The embattled network, buoyed by wrestling-infused primetime ratings increases, has orchestrated a renewed media assault on fellow fledgling network the WB.

UPN has big plans to crush the WB. In fact, they plan on mimicking many of the successful shows on the other television networks. Coming soon on the low-budget bootleg UPN: Monday Night Foosball, 4th Rock from the Sun, Ally McQuarter-pounder with Cheese, Hokey Pokemon, Late Night with Mark Linn-Baker, Dog Pooping Caught on Tape, Rent-a-Cops, and Judge Shanequa Jones in Gossip Court.

Japan's domestic shipments of personal computers surged 34 percent in the April-September period, driven by purchases of home-use PCs by people eager to access the Internet.

When asked if the new PCs were Y2K compliant, Japan’s Trade Minister replied QUOTE: "The electronics we ship to AMERICA? HA! It is all part of our master plan to get back at the US for WWII. Every clock-radio, every wristwatch, every VCR, every microwave oven will be under OUR control on January 1st! Ha ha ha hee hee ho ho!" The trade minister then straightened his tie and continued QUOTE: "But seriously, chill out, everything is cool, promise." A dark shadow was then mysteriously cast over his face as his left eyebrow arched.

The HogWild News Network International has been compiled from various sources including but not limited to the Daily Newspapers, Internet Findings, Popular Magazines, and your mom.

Reproduction of this newscast, such as charging admission for its retelecast while not offering a cold beverage, without prior written consent will be considered sexual harassment and is punishable by law, lawyers, and rednecks with shotguns.

Click to go read more HogWild News!Listen to clips from Creed's new CD!Get the New Creed CD!Grab the new LIVE Cd featuring the Hit Song, "When Dolphins Cry."Grab the New Live CD!  It'll make Bims think you're *sensitive*


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