Accounting Scandals Rock Music's Biggest Stars!

by HogWild

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 1

 8  755

We see a huge cardboard box full of framed photos. All the photographs have the same woman but with different men. 

“J.Lo is chagrined to be forced to admit she falsified documents under-reporting her number of failed relationships.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 2

 72  5

A parody of the dinner scene in the movie Hannibal where they remove the agent’s baseball hat to reveal his exposed brain.

We remove Fred Durst’s signature red ball cap to see his exposed brain, with a large chunk missing.

“Although previously estimated at room temperature, Fred Durst’s I.Q. is really much closer to the parking lot speed limit.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 3

 103  1

“Under GAAP (Generally Accepted Accounting Principles) it is incorrect to tabulate the number of doo-rags you own as 103, if you always wear the same stinky one.

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 4

 10  4

Men and women in business suits cringe as they listen to music through headphones. We can see the rap lyric, “Behind every playa is a true playette/Bounce you up, outta there, push and check . . . something like a phenomenon.”

“LL Cool J likes to brag that he’s released 10 albums. This is officially reduced to 4 after the Federal Board of Accountancy listened to the songs he wrote from 1993 - 2000.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 5

 50  25

We see rapper 50 Cent with his pockets turned inside-out. In his open palm we see two quarters, one of which is Canadian.

“The S.E.C. is mandating a name change to 25 Cent.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 6

 2  2 Many 2 Count!

We see the now infamous Michael Jackson interview where he claimed to have just two plastic surgeries. He holds up two fingers. We are zoomed on his face. Looking closely we can see a tiny army of tiny construction workers bulldozing, lifting, demolishing, and operating little yellow forklifts and tractors.

“Michael Jackson reported he had just 2 plastic surgeries.

“Investigations reveals that this report was deceitful because he counted the procedures as follows:

“Surgery 1: Face

1a) nose job

1b) cleft chin

1c) nose job

1d) eyelids

1e) nose job

1f) cheek bones

1g) nose job

1h) lips

1i) nose job

1j) eye shaping

1k) rhinoplasty (that’s a nose job!)

“Surgery 2: Dermatology

2a) skin bleaching

2b) white man’s hair follicle implants

2c) skin bleaching

2d) 5 o’clock shadow art

2e) skin bleaching

2f) chin stubble insertion

2g) melanin-removal (that’s skin bleaching!)”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 7

 2,048  5,080

A rotund rapper is on a scale at the doctor’s office. Springs fly from the scale. Reading the scale, we see the units are not in “pounds” but in “Richter.”

“Under oath, Arthur Anderson Accounting admits they hid .75 of his metric tons in an off-shore donut factory. Fat Joe is made to start calling himself Jo-bese.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 8

 59  2010

A young rocker is singing at a formal family function. A boy is being lifted on a chair as everyone claps.

“It wasn’t accountants, but biblical scholars who discovered discrepancies in Mick Jagger’s reported age of 59. A passage in the book of Matthew reveals that The Rolling Stones had an early gig at Jesus’ Bar Mitzvah.

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 9

 2,000,000  300,000

We see Christina Aguilera’s CD. She’s almost completely naked except her long blonde hair hangs over the front of her bare breasts.

A boy is staring at the picture with this tongue wagging. Sitting next to the boy is his dog. The dog is eating the actual compact disc.

“RIAA (The Recording Industry Association of America) certified that over 2 million copies of Christina Aguilera’s CD ‘Stripped” were sold. But after surveying males, 2 new figures were released. 

Sales of her CD: 300,000. Sales of her CD COVER: 1.7 million.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 10

 16  185

A young man with a very square head and greenish skin plays the guitar very stiffly.

“Grammy winner John Mayer was believed to be 16. But DNA samples show he was given life from spare body parts in a laboratory 185 years ago.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 11

 24  25

We see a rapper smoking a huge joint. His eyes are red. We see a big Mickey Mouse clock. Mickey's hands are scratching his head in confusion.

“Snoop Dogg claims to be high 24 hours a day. However investigators discovered he’s actually under the influence of narcotics an impossible 25 hours a day. Calendar experts say Snoop is so high, his day somehow has a ‘leap hour’.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 12

 90220  90210

We see a gangsta rapper at the dinner table with the Banks family from the TV show ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire.’ The gangsta rapper shares a back-slapping laugh with Carlton as they politely enjoy their meal.

“Dr. Dre says he represents Compton. He lied on his original application to NWA, ‘accidentally’ writing an incorrect digit in his zip code. He wrote 90220 instead of 90210. This immediately destroys his street credibility, nullifying all of his #1 songs, awards, and accomplishments.”

ACCOUNTING SCANDAL # 13

 36  36!

A creepy older black man in sunglasses and a trench coat smiles in a playground. He waits for a young girl with open arms and a lollipop at the base of the slide.

“R. Kelly’s real age is revealed! He’s still 36! And he’s still a goddamn pervert!!”

 

*** More HogWild Funny Stories and Rants ***

	Web www.hogwild.net