Brett Favre jokes: Should Brett Favre un-retire? Or should he be an NFL Announcer alongside John Madden, Marv Albert, & Britney Spears' Ass in 1999? Funny Rants,
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Should Brett Favre un-retire? Or should he be an NFL Announcer alongside John Madden, Marv Albert & Britney Spears' Ass in 1999?
JUSTIN: All the hinting and speculation that Brett Favre is going to un-retire is intriguing but it’s also a bit uncomfortable. Didn’t we all pay our respects to the legendary quarterback last year when he cried like some chick at an Oprah taping and said his tearful goodbye to the NFL? And yet here we are less than a year later monitoring text messages to the Packer’s GM to see if ol’ Brett’s going to make a comeback. He’s like that senior who graduated last year but keeps popping up at high school parties the next summer. HOG: Dang it! NOW you tell me that isn't cool! HA HA HA! Cool for dudes is being a... Senior (in high school) going to a college party to meet chicks. Coolest for dudes is being.... a Senior (citizen) going to a college party to meet chicks to put in your magazine.
JUSTIN: I know it must be hard for Brett Favre throwing lame duck passes to pansy ass male models in blue jeans commercials but the Packers have moved on and so should he. So instead of returning to the Packers and ruining his retirement I’ve come up with 3 alternative options! Michael Jordan HOG: I was in middle school! It's not like your home state of Texas where the 13 year old girls are already being pressured to get married! HOG: My NFL Announcer dream team: John Madden, Marv Albert, and Britney Spears' @ss in 1999. JOHN MADDEN: It's a pass up the middle... BOOM! Completion! That was an amazing arrrrrrrg! We go to sideline reporter, Britney Spears' ass in 1999. BRITNEY SPEARS' ASS IN 1999:
MARV ALBERT: Yesh! Nice report Britney Spears' Ass in 1999! Can I borrow your thong?! JOHN MADDEN: Marv, you're already wearing a thong! MARV ALBERT: But I want HERS! JOHN MADDEN: Oops! While we were talking about nonsense, the Packers scored a touchdown. Anyway, back to Britney Spears Ass in 1999...
JUSTIN: Throw in the fact that Brett Favre has had about 14 less concussions than Troy Aikman, he’s 60 years younger than John Madden and that everyone in the NFL loves him and you’re going to get ratings right up there with Janet Jackson’s nipple. Brett Favre can really flex his improvisational muscles as well as his real muscles when the bad guys drag him into the ring and make him fight! And just like in the NFL, Favre will be losing for most of the match but then in the final 2 minutes he’ll show everyone how he comes-from-behind more than p*rn star Lexington Steele! Surely the Farrelly Brothers could write a movie for Brett to star in. They could team him up with Joe Namath and make the sequel to Stuck on You about the brothers that are conjoined twins and call it “Stuck with Your Drunk Ass While You Hit on Suzy Kobler.” Go to :50 seconds in...
But then again I'm a Cowboys fan and the Packers' misery is my joy. My New York Jets suck and all us frustrated fans know it. Most teams have a promotional day at the stadium where they give away something to all the fans, like a poster. My Jets should give away something more practical -- like a noose. I can imagine the Jets in the Super Bowl lead by Brett Favre... MARV ALBERT: Favre drops back for the Jets on their own 20 yard line with 5 seconds left, down by 2 points.... He fires a missile down the sideline... JOHN MADDEN: Boom! Blam! KAPPA-WAPPA-DING-DONG-DOO! HE COMPLETES THE PASS! It's a 75 yard gain with 1 second on the clock! See what he did there was throw da ball and den da receiver CAUGHT IT! MARV ALBERT: Great insight, John. JOHN MADDEN: Don't get your panties in a twist! MARV ALBERT: The New York Jets just need to make this simple 5 yard field goal to win their first Super Bowl Championship in 300 years. Here's the snap and... JOHN MADDEN: HA-choooo! The holder sneezed! The holder sneezed and the ball slipped out before the kicker could kick it! Time expires! The Jets lose the Super Bowl! Let's go to an instant replay of Jets fans hanging themselves with their promotional nooses! MARV ALBERT: But before that, we have a special report from Britney Spears Ass in 1999! Want a kick-ass comedy show for your college or party? Email me for details.
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Brett Favre jokes: Should Brett Favre un-retire? Or should he be an NFL Announcer alongside John Madden, Marv Albert, & Britney Spears' Ass in 1999? Funny Rants,
Dirty jokes + Twisted Humor. |
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