I HAVE A DREAM!

by HogWild

My favorite American of all-time is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He embodies the spirit of what I want to believe it MEANS to be an American. Things are messed up, go change it. Don’t take no for an answer. Get it done, never give up. NEVER GIVE UP! And he did it. And the most admirable thing is, he did it all without busting a cap in some fat honkey’s ass!

Got MLK?

I mean, dude had a right to be at least mildly pissed off when the bastards bombed his house and tried to kill his family. But no, he countered violence and hatred with peace and understanding. I could not do that. Some nub in a pointy white hat throws a grenade in MY house, and I’m gonna do more than organize a protest march. King had a higher purpose, he was a man who clearly deeply believed in God. Because he KNEW he would be killed. Not like the Pope who supposedly believes in Heaven yet has to have 16,000 body guards and wears a bullet-proof yarmulke on his skull.

King is an American Hero! I can’t believe some nubs still don’t think he deserves a Holiday! If there’s a day set aside to celebrate my DAD, then surely Dr. King deserves a day. Let’s compare, MLK fought for equality, freedom, and justice. My Dad fought at the nudie bar. MLK organized mass sit-ins. My Dad sits-in every weekend watching football in his air-conditioned skivvies. MLK inspired a generation. My Dad smells like he has PRESPIRED for a generation. So if my Dad gets a Day, so does MLK.

But still some fools are like, "he only helped Negroes, so they could become African-Americans." Those same idiots don’t realize the courage of Rosa Parks. They’re like, "She didn’t get up because she was just another lazy colored." Fools! Dr. King is a hero! An AMERICAN hero! FDR, RFK, JFK, MLK—all the great ones are known by 3 initials! His incredible patience and dedication to peace finally woke us up to the horrors of segregation in the South.

Not just a lazy Colored who didn't want to get up.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream
Then some A-hole shot him.
The End.

Why is it that the great ones have to get assassinated? Abe Lincoln, John F Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, President James Garfield, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. They get killed and look who we get left with. John F Kennedy dead. TED Kennedy still alive! Martin Luther King dead. DON King still alive! John Lennon dead. YOKO ONO still alive!

Yoko Ono still alive. Where is the JUSTICE Dr. King spoke of?

My Hogs and Hogettes, I strive to live my life like Reverend King (well except for those allegations that he was gettin’ some extra Civil Rights Rump on the side.) There are plenty of Hog-haters out there. Hatin’ the Hog because of my success. Hatin’ the Hog because their bim wants to meet me. Hatin’ the Hog because I insulted their mother on the Internet. So you need to tell ‘em, "Get off my Hog!" But like Dr. King, I LOVE my enemies, the detractors, the ones who say Hog will never make it big. The ones who heckle me and throw eggplants when I’m on stage! I LOVE YOU! Because you INSPIRE me. Me and my Hogs will March of Washington! Yes, I will lead The MILLION MORON MARCH!

We’ll promote safe sex by putting a giant condom on the Washington Monument. We’ll all take turns sitting on the Lincoln Memorial, telling him what we want for Christmas. We’ll stage a sit-in at the Pentagon and demand that they build 3 more walls, paint it red, and change the name of building to the OCTagon. Because we like Stop Signs and Octagons are cooler then Pentagons. And finally, like the great Dr. Martin Luther King, we will DEMAND our God given rights! No longer will we have to GET UP and GIVE up our seat if we so choose to sit in the front of the bus! Do we not DESERVE this seat? No more! I will NOT "please give up this seat for the Elderly or Handicapped!" The Elderly are no more God’s children than we are! I have a Dream!

The Washington Monument needs a Rubber.

I have a Dream that one day this nation will RISE UP and not arrest people for smoking weed! If a man wants to become a pathetic pot-head, that’s his right! We hold these boobs to be self-evident, that all boobs were created equal, yet some are saggy and some are perky. Some bounce and some sway. Some have big eyes, some have cute, little eyes that seems to be calling OUT to you, HOOT HOOT! I have a Dream that one day in the Hills of Georgia, the sons of former slave-owners will stop having sex with their sisters. I have a Dream that one day, ignorant Redneck hicks who pitch for the Atlanta Braves will keep their fool mouths shut when being interviewed by S.I.! I HAVE A DREAM!

Hog's Dream may not be much, but as a little girl, his teachers never encouraged him to pursue Math & Science.

I have a Dream that Linda Carter, dressed as Wonderwoman will tie me up in the Lasso of Truth and make me lick chocolate cake off of her high-heel red boots, I HAVE A DREAM! Sometimes I have a Dream that I’m drowning in a river and my pants are soaking wet from the waist down! I need to stop drinking so much water before I go to bed, so I do not have that Dream. But sometimes I can hold it for hours and when I awake it hurts SO bad. My bladder is overflowing like Tina Torpedo’s specially constructed bra. I jump out of bed, stand about 3 feet away from the toilet, and open the hose like those Hazard County Pigs did on the black protesters in the 60’s. It feels so good to finally be able to let it go. Like it has been said in the old HogWild spiritual, Pee at Last, Pee at Last, thank God Almighty I can Pee at Last!