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Ever ask: "So child, what will you be when you grow up?" Find out what the future hold for the major dork-types in Middle School! Includes Christina Aguilera, Eminem, Al Gore, Geroge W. Bush, Anna Kournikova, Bill Gates and more! 


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the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round . . . what a STUPID song!Middle School Kids and the Adults they can Potentially Become 

Everybody has dreams of being someone important like a world leader, a movie star, a high-ranking college bookstore clerk-- but y'all know that who you are in middle school only gives you a few choices as to who you will be as an adult. To illustrate your options, HogWild astutely observes these major brat-types and tells you what future paths they can take.

Hog points the finger. Whatever you do, don't pull it!The Tattle-Tale will

if he wants a book deal

record private phone conversations with Senators

if he wants to hear how cool his distorted voice sounds 

leak incriminating corporate documents to 60 Minutes

if he wants explore the bottom of the river

feed information about the Mob to the Feds  

Hog's skivvies look like tie-dye experiment (but mostly browns, yellows, and reds)The guy who peed his pants will

if he wants to help others

become a school guidance counselor

if he wants to go into politics

become a bleeding heart liberal

if he continues to find sick pleasure in his own humiliation

become a substitute teacher  

The Wimp who always got beat up will

if he wants revenge

this won't hurt a bit  (for me) become a Dentist

if he wants revenge but is too chicken to do it face to face

if these 15 year old geeks had bims, these damn viruses wouldn't get started!start a worldwide computer virus

if he wants to become a statesman

become the leader of France

if he wants to play loud rock music

become Marilyn Manson

apparently, not only did she dress too old, she also dressed too HAIRY! damn this site is bootleg!The girl who dressed way older than her age will

if she wants to immortalized in an Eminem song




Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs!   become a pop singer

if she likes a scandal  

take down a presidential candidate

if she enjoys standing next to sweaty men in spandex

become a Professional Wrestling Bimbo

if she speaks any amount of Spanish

become a hostess for a game show on Telemundo

if her "backyard speaks with thunder"

star as a big booty ho in a rap video

if she has poor dental hygiene

become the star of a TV show in England

if she doesn't mind being more famous for her boobs than her ability

become a pro tennis player

 Anna Kornavulva gets more press than any other female tennis player

what the hell is on Hog's head? Is that some sort of Jewish thing?The Class Clown will

if he has no ambition

become a mascot for a minor league baseball team in Dayton, Ohio

if he wants to become rich and famous

become the star of any new sitcom on the WB

if he still enjoys making silly faces at age 40

become a school children's photographer!

if he enjoys telling dirty jokes at inappropriate times

become your family's dirty uncle!


if he wants a dead-end job deserving of zero respect

hmm, well it seemed like a good idea at the time . . . start up a semi-hilarious net site 

The Kiss-up will

if he wants money

become a corporate yes-man

Hey! If that question was too tough I'll take it back! Sorry! Did I mention that your nail polish is absolutely fabulous?if he wants to fawn over celebrities

become a late-night TV talk show host



if he wants to get into Sports

become a motivational sports coach

("you are such a good hitter. you are the best. this slump will pass. you are the KING, baby!")

if he wants to get free tickets to TV shows

become "planted laugher" in the audience for bad sitcoms

if he wants to see naked lesbians and hairy midgets

become producer for the Howard Stern show

The Bully will

if he enjoys acting

become a professional wrestler

if he can throw a fastball

become a relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves

if he wants a rewarding career

become a debt collector where he can utilize his skills of "persuasion"

if he still REALLY likes being bully

become a roller skating rink security guard


The Math Nerd will

if he is greedy

become a Computer Software Gazillionaire

if he is noble

become a physicist

if he loses one too many horse races

become the whipping-boy accountant for a Las Vegas numbers man

if he wants to live at home his whole life and never get married

become the stat-dork for baseball announcers

("Rodriguez is hitting .314 with runners on 1st and 3rd with less than 1 out in the 5th inning of games when a Democrat is in office")  

The dishonest Liar will

if he wants lots of money

become a Lawyer

if he wants to be on TV

become a local Used Car Salesman

if he wants lots of power

become President of the United States

I INVENTED the Internet! I have not snorted an illegal substance in the past 48 hours!

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