Middle School Kids and the Adults they can Potentially Become 

The Tattle-Tale will

if he wants a book deal

record private phone conversations with Senators

if he wants to hear how cool his distorted voice sounds 

leak incriminating corporate documents to 60 Minutes

if he wants explore the bottom of the river

feed information about the Mob to the Feds  

The guy who peed his pants will

if he wants to help others

become a school guidance counselor

if he wants to go into politics

become a bleeding heart liberal

if he continues to find sick pleasure in his own humiliation

become a substitute teacher  

The Wimp who always got beat up will

if he wants revenge

become a Dentist

if he wants revenge but is too chicken to do it face to face

start a worldwide computer virus

if he wants to become a statesman

become the leader of France

if he wants to play loud rock music

become Marilyn Manson

The girl who dressed way older than her age will

if she wants to immortalized in an Eminem song

   become a pop singer

if she likes a scandal  

take down a presidential candidate

if she enjoys standing next to sweaty men in spandex

become a Professional Wrestling Bimbo

if she speaks any amount of Spanish

become a hostess for a game show on Telemundo

if her "backyard speaks with thunder"

star as a big booty ho in a rap video

if she has poor dental hygiene

become the star of a TV show in England

if she doesn't mind being more famous for her boobs than her ability

become a pro tennis player

The Class Clown will

if he has no ambition

become a mascot for a minor league baseball team in Dayton, Ohio

if he wants to become rich and famous

become the star of any new sitcom on the WB

if he still enjoys making silly faces at age 40

become a school children's photographer!

if he enjoys telling dirty jokes at inappropriate times

become your family's dirty uncle!

if he wants a dead-end job deserving of zero respect

start up a semi-hilarious net site 

The Kiss-up will

if he wants money

become a corporate yes-man

if he wants to fawn over celebrities

become a late-night TV talk show host

if he wants to get into Sports

become a motivational sports coach

("you are such a good hitter. you are the best. this slump will pass. you are the KING, baby!")

if he wants to get free tickets to TV shows

become "planted laugher" in the audience for bad sitcoms

if he wants to see naked lesbians and hairy midgets

become producer for the Howard Stern show

The Bully will

if he enjoys acting

become a professional wrestler

if he can throw a fastball

become a relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves

if he wants a rewarding career

become a debt collector where he can utilize his skills of "persuasion"

if he still REALLY likes being bully

become a roller skating rink security guard

The Math Nerd will

if he is greedy

become a Computer Software Gazillionaire

if he is noble

become a physicist

if he loses one too many horse races

become the whipping-boy accountant for a Las Vegas numbers man

if he wants to live at home his whole life and never get married

become the stat-dork for baseball announcers

("Rodriguez is hitting .314 with runners on 1st and 3rd with less than 1 out in the 5th inning of games when a Democrat is in office")  

The dishonest Liar will

if he wants lots of money

become a Lawyer

if he wants to be on TV

become a local Used Car Salesman

if he wants lots of power

become President of the United States

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