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Daily Planners of the Stars

Through private auction, strategic blackmail, and Dr. Salami's tireless work rummaging in trash (for both fun and profit), Hog-Wild has obtained these Celebrites' Daily Planners.  Be naughty and find out how they plan out their typical day. 

siskel.jpg (4817 bytes)The Daily Planner of Deceased Movie Critic Gene Siskel

8:00am Wake-up
9:00am - 10:00:am hand stretches
10am -11am aerobic thumb-twiddling
11am-Noon Thumb-wrestle the cat
Noon - 1pm eat lunch with chopsticks to save thumbfrom any unnecessary stress
1pm - 8pm watch free movies
8pm - 10pm think of witty retorts to Ebert’s guaranteed stupid comments

note: try to stay away from the old standby retorts:

shut up fatso

put a taco in it—if you don't have one in there already

"no neck" makes you incorrect

dimaggio-1.jpg (17604 bytes)Joltin' Joe Dimaggio's Daily Planner (from his last days)

8:00am wake up screaming from nightmare
8:30am conclude hour of screaming and cursing Marylin Monroe’s name
  die
  un-die
  call-in to NBC to tell them I’m not dead yet
  die
  un-die
  recall the big party I threw when JFK was assassinated
  load my gun and die
  couldn’t find JFK or even RFK in Heaven—keep pistol close by and return to Earth
  die
  un-die

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