So you've heard the story. Some poor nub
found a finger in his chili at Wendy's. Waaa!
Oh boy, here comes the lawsuit.
Lawyers see the big bucks on this one. The guy was probably calling all
"Dude! So I was at Wendy's, right? And
there was a finger in my chili!"
"That's crazy! What did it taste like?"
"I didn't eat it, a$$h01e!"
"What? You ate an a$$h01e?"
"Shut up, d!ck. Anyway, there was a finger in my chili! It was
nasty. You think I can get rich off this?"
"Oh hell yeah! Didn't some truck driver win a
million dollars because his McDonald's coffee was too
"Yeah, that's right! I just hit the lottery!"
"Dude, that's awesome. So seriously. What does
finger taste like?"
Um, that's nice. But what about the
guy who lost a finger in the chili?
Was he so embarrassed that he didn't tell
his boss? Shouldn't it be easy to find the guy? Poor guy was
probably just clumsy. All thumbs. Well, not anymore. Stoooooooooooopid.
Or was it a conspiracy?
Some worker who was being treated poorly obtained a
human finger -- probably from the Inter-Net. You can get
anything from the Inter-Net! Yeah! And he hides the finger
in the chili, stifling his laughter. So then he dumps all
his shares of stock in Wendy's and makes a bajillion dollars!
Now, you know Wendy's has a huge keg of chili delivered every
Then the teenagers and ex-convicts
who work there scoop it into the little paper cup and hand
it to your fat ass. How did a finger go unnoticed?
Did the customer, say, "Oh, sorry, I wanted that Biggie Sized."
So then the Wendy's worker replaced the pinky in the chili
with a middle finger?
This is just nizasty! It's a bad-enough habit to chew your
fingernails. It's worse to chew someone else's!
So they found 1 finger. You know Wendy's will think quickly and have a
good PR spin. "Uh, yeah, this lucky customer found the
finger! Collect all 5 to win!
Yeah, this guy won all right. He won millions of dollars. "Waaaa! I
can never eat chili again! Waaaaa! I have nightmares of
Waaaa! I swallowed a knuckle!"
Basically, he just won Fear Factor. Except he didn't have to
endure the torture of listening to Joe Rogan.
Sure, this guy deserves something. I mean, I once vomited after
sticking my OWN finger down my throat... imagine someone else's
finger down your throat!
UNSOLVED MYSTERY: HOW DID THE FINGER GET IN THE CHILI?
Okay, the most likely reason there was a finger in the chili is
because an employee accidentally fell into the giant meat
grinder at the Wendy's
Food Processing plant. So, naturally some body parts didn't get chopped
That customer should be THANKFUL he
got a finger! Or was it a finger?
Hey, personally I LIKE surprises.
I'm going to Wendy's to see what I
get in my Baked Potato. Maybe I'll get an eyeball!
Really, why should kids have all the fun? They get TOYS with
their meals -- it's only fair that I get a toe or something.
What a nightmare for Wendy's. Now they have to re-do all their
Nutritional Charts to reflect their new ingredient.
Imagine the customer in court when he goes to sue:
LAWYER: When did you realize you were consuming
CUSTOMER: Well, something didn't taste right. But I couldn't quite
put my finger on it...
LAWYER: Is the person who served you this chili
in court? Can you point him out?
CUSTOMER: Yes. But can HE point to ME?
LAWYER: Is it true that you have suffered
immense emotional pain, as well as recurring nightmares
that have forced you to miss work and seek therapy?
CUSTOMER: Yes. Where is my million dollars?
Wendy's is just rude. It's not polite to give people the
Expert Dating Advice Videos by me -- HogWild -- professional dating advice: helpful and hilarious.
Watch my helpful and hilarious Expert Dating Advice videos!
Get Instant Access to over 300 helpful + hilarious dating advice videos you can't find anywhere else! *** Join the HogWild Relationship Revolution! ***
Dating Advice! Expert dating advice videos, your dating advice questions answered by HogWild!
Professional Dating Advice videos that will help you get the awesome relationship you deserve!