Wendy's Chili: Want Fingers with that?

Jokes & Funny Pictures

by HogWild

So you've heard the story. Some poor nub found a finger in his chili at Wendy's. Waaa! Oh boy, here comes the lawsuit.

Lawyers see the big bucks on this one. The guy was probably calling all his buddies,

"Dude! So I was at Wendy's, right? And there was a finger in my chili!"

"That's crazy! What did it taste like?"

"I didn't eat it, a$$h01e!"

"What? You ate an a$$h01e?"

"Shut up, d!ck. Anyway, there was a finger in my chili! It was nasty. You think I can get rich off this?"

"Oh hell yeah! Didn't some truck driver win a million dollars because his McDonald's coffee was too hot?"

"Yeah, that's right! I just hit the lottery!"

"Dude, that's awesome. So seriously. What does finger taste like?"

Um, that's nice. But what about the guy who lost a finger in the chili?

Was he so embarrassed that he didn't tell his boss? Shouldn't it be easy to find the guy? Poor guy was probably just clumsy. All thumbs. Well, not anymore. Stoooooooooooopid.
 

Or was it a conspiracy? A conspiracy! Some worker who was being treated poorly obtained a human finger -- probably from the Inter-Net. You can get anything from the Inter-Net! Yeah! And he hides the finger in the chili, stifling his laughter. So then he dumps all his shares of stock in Wendy's and makes a bajillion dollars!

Now, you know Wendy's has a huge keg of chili delivered every morning.

Then the teenagers and ex-convicts who work there scoop it into the little paper cup and hand it to your fat ass. How did a finger go unnoticed?

Did the customer, say, "Oh, sorry, I wanted that Biggie Sized." So then the Wendy's worker replaced the pinky in the chili with a middle finger?

This is just nizasty! It's a bad-enough habit to chew your fingernails. It's worse to chew someone else's!

So they found 1 finger. You know Wendy's will think quickly and have a good PR spin. "Uh, yeah, this lucky customer found the finger! Collect all 5 to win!

Yeah, this guy won all right. He won millions of dollars. "Waaaa! I can never eat chili again! Waaaaa! I have nightmares of eating fingers!
Waaaa! I swallowed a knuckle!"

Basically, he just won Fear Factor. Except he didn't have to endure the torture of listening to Joe Rogan.

Sure, this guy deserves something. I mean, I once vomited after sticking my OWN finger down my throat... imagine someone else's finger down your throat!

UNSOLVED MYSTERY: HOW DID THE FINGER GET IN THE CHILI?

Okay, the most likely reason there was a finger in the chili is because an employee accidentally fell into the giant meat grinder at the Wendy's
Food Processing plant. So, naturally some body parts didn't get chopped up thoroughly.

 That customer should be THANKFUL he got a finger! Or was it a finger?

Hey, personally I LIKE surprises. I'm going to Wendy's to see what I get in my Baked Potato. Maybe I'll get an eyeball!

Really, why should kids have all the fun? They get TOYS with their meals -- it's only fair that I get a toe or something.

What a nightmare for Wendy's. Now they have to re-do all their Nutritional Charts to reflect their new ingredient.




Imagine the customer in court when he goes to sue:

LAWYER: When did you realize you were consuming human flesh?

CUSTOMER: Well, something didn't taste right. But I couldn't quite put my finger on it...

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID!


LAWYER: Is the person who served you this chili in court? Can you point him out?

CUSTOMER: Yes. But can HE point to ME?

LAWYER: Is it true that you have suffered immense emotional pain, as well as recurring nightmares that have forced you to miss work and seek therapy?

CUSTOMER: Yes. Where is my million dollars?


CONCLUSION:

Wendy's is just rude. It's not polite to give people the finger.
Stoooooooooopid!
 

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