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The 1st Baseball Video Game to be TOO Realistic

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Baseball Video Game Jokes + Twisted Humor

by HogWild

The most Realistic Baseball Video Game -- Ever!!

* No baseball arcade simulation is more realistic! Playing each game will actually take 3 1/2 hours!

* Choose any Major League team and take them to the World Series! (Except the Chicago Cubs.)

* We've painstakingly researched EVERY mind-numbing detail. Barry Bonds only uses a Rawlings brand baseball glove, eats David Ranch-flavored sunflower seeds, and takes only BALCO Human Growth Hormone

* The ultimate REAL experience in the Batter's box:

Use your controller to:

* wiggle the bat

* step out of the box

* adjust your batting gloves

* fix your helmet

* tap your spikes

* wiggle your butt

* call time-out

* hit

* Stadiums more realistic than ever before!

All ballparks expertly reproduced:

* In Florida's Dolphin Stadium you can actually hear the sound of the fan eating his Crackerjack!

* Dodgers Stadium is full of b-level stars vying for more television exposure as they mug for the cameras! Fez from "That 70s Show" waves to cameras and is on DiamondVision.

* Detroit's Comerica Park looks beautiful at night, illuminated by downtown's arson fires.

../images/Misc/baseball-comerica-park-detroit-fires.jpg

* Wrigley Field's ivy grows on the brick walls watered by the real tears of the fans!

* Tampa Bay: DiamondVision shows Shvitz-o-meter as fans sweat in high humidity

* Safeco Field in Seattle now shows the special Japanese Press Box section!

../images/Misc/japanese-media-baseball.jpg

* Yankee Stadium now features more realistic and aggressive New York bums and panhandlers outside the park. 

* Most baseball simulators include injuries while in Season mode. But only OUR game has extensive algorithms to produce the most REALISTIC injuries:

* mysterious "hamstring" injury putting player on the shelf because his contract won't allow him to be sent to the Minor Leagues

* broken hand (from bar fight)

* torn ligament (from weight lifting)

* herpes (contracted on West Coast Road trip away from wife)

Control EVERY important aspect of the game!

YOU decide what the players in the dugout will do:

../images/Misc/baseball-bullpen-phone.jpg

* spit seeds

* chew gum

* scratch

* call agent

* watch the game

* gossip

* YOU decide what to scratch:

* your baseballs

* your buns

* your lottery tickets

* YOU decide what the players do after a Home Run:

../images/Misc/baseball-homerun-congrats.jpg

* slap hands low

* slap hands high

* slap hands, bump chests

* slap hands, bump chests, bang fists

* slap hands, bump chests, bang fists, bash forearms

* slap hands, bump chests, bang fists, bash forearms, thumbwrestle, play paddy cake

* touch butts

* Choose to play not one, but up to THREE stadium games!

1) Feel the real game excitement of between-inning scoreboard games by guessing under which hat the ball is hiding!

../images/Misc/baseball-shea-stupid-hat-game.jpg

2) Guess today's attendance!

3) Will the car with the color that matches your seating section zoom to the finish line first? Breath-taking realism!

* The REALEST Baseball video game EVER brings you INSIDE the locker room after the game!

Answer the media's questions like the pros! Use any of 3 stock answers!

1) Thanks, but it was more important that we got the win.

2) You gotta give those guys credit. They outplayed us today.

3) Not guilty.

* YOU Control every detail of your team's appearance!

- choose to play in any one of 47 different uniforms! Each on sale for fans for just $275 in the Dugout Shop!

- make vital decisions on your closer's facial hair: clean-shaven, Goatee, Fu man Chu, Rollie Fingers moustache, lamb chops, or the Bin Laden look.

../images/Misc/rollie.fingers.jpg ../cartoon/osama.bin.laden-baseball.jpg

* Do everything like pros! Cheat!

controls allow player1 to

choose pitch: fastball, curveball, sinker

choose velocity: fast, medium, slow

choose instrument: sandpaper, razor, Vaseline

controls allow player2 to

choose swing: home run, contact, bunt

choose power source: cork, steroids, horse testicle cream, all-of-the-above

* Why buy any other game, when only our game allows you to fight!:

with the other team

with the umpire

with the fans

with the commissioner

with the manager

with the media

with your girlfriend

* New & Improved! You've played in All-Star mode, Manager Mode, and GM mode -- now try Steinbrenner mode!

Now YOU can be "The Boss"

You have so many options!

* scream

* threaten your best player, then make a TV commercial together

* cry

* threaten to move the team

* kick

* force out a player who's a fan favorite

* breastfeed

* burp

* raise ticket prices!

* bite

* cancel health benefits for low-level employees!

* lay on the floor

* get banned from baseball!

* poop

../images/Misc/george.steinbrenner-baby.jpg

From Electronic Arts: "It's a Business, Not a Game.

 

 

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baseball jokes. funny baseball pictures. The 1st baseball video game to be too realistic. Twisted Humor. 
HOGWILD.NET  expert dating advice. helpful and hilarious videos!

| EXPERT DATING ADVICE | DATING ADVICE | DATING COACH | MEMBERS | STORE | FUNNY PICTURES | FUNNY RANTSCOMEDY VIDEOS | DATING ADVICE MAN | CARTOONS | CHATSGAMES | LINKS | COMEDY SHOWS | CONTACT | JOIN NOW |