A baby-talk conversation in the very near future...

Spears-Federline baby-1: ooba tooba booba!

Knauss-Trump baby: What the hell are you trying to say?!

Spears-Federline baby-2: Leave my big brother alone! He fell on his head from a highchair so now he's half-retarded. But at least he's not a snob like you!

Knauss-Trump baby: It's not my fault that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and you were born with a deep fried spoon in your mouth! You are living proof that being trailer trash is, in fact, genetic!

Spears-Federline baby-2: I hope you grow up to have your mommy's brains and your daddy's looks!

Knauss-Trump baby: At least my daddy doesn't smell like cigarettes and beef jerky!

Spears-Federline baby-2: That's because your daddy is 30 years older than your mommy so he
smells more like desperation.

Knauss-Trump baby: My daddy still has it going on. Enjoy what you have now, because in your family it's all downhill after age 19.

Cruise-Holmes baby: Why are you guys fighting? You must have the spirit of the evil Xenu in you.

Knauss-Trump baby: Oh no! Not the Scientinfant! Your parents are only supposed to wash your body, not your brain!

Cruise-Holmes baby: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm very happy.

Knauss-Trump baby: Just don't get sick because your daddy won't give you any medicine. He'll tell you it's all in your head.

Cruise-Holmes baby: It's true! I was born with jaundice and my daddy refused medical attention. He told me to concentrate on being healthy. And it worked! And part of my original liver is still working!

Spears-Federline baby-2: Ooh, that sounds cool! I want to be a Scientology baby, too!

Knauss-Trump baby: I thought you were a Jewish Kabbalah kid. Or did your mom convert back to Christianity when she found out that all that deep-fried pork she likes isn't kosher?

Spears-Federline baby-2: Shut up!

Knauss-Trump baby: It's true, isn't it?!

Spears-Federline baby-2: Shut up!

Jolie-Pitt baby: What's all the commotion?

Spears-Federline baby-2: My mommy said your mommy is a husband-stealing slut.

Jolie-Pitt baby: Well my mommy said your daddy is a moron.

Spears-Federline baby-2: Well your mommy isn't very original because everyone already knows that!

Knauss-Trump baby: Hey Jolie-Pitt baby, shouldn't you be building a school or an orphanage for birth defect AIDS crack babies of civil war widows in an African Village somewhere?

Jolie-Pitt baby: Shouldn't you be shilling some crappy product or some crappy TV show or some crappy real estate deal?

Spears-Federline baby-2: Yeah! What's next? Will your daddy put out a crappy CD? HA HA HA!

Knauss-Trump baby: No, but I know whose daddy would.

Spears-Federline baby-2: Yeah! And I feel bad for those poor children of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee!

Cruise-Holmes baby: I feel bad for YOU because at least I have a masculine role model for a daddy. Your daddy stays at home all day mooching off your mom's money!

Spears-Federline baby2: You think MY daddy is of questionable sexuality?

Cruise-Holmes baby: Well, okay. I guess there is another celebrity daddy who might be more questionable. But he promised to stop blowing Matt Damon once he married Jennifer Garner.

Spears-Federline baby-1: ooba tooba booba

Cruise-Holmes baby: Oh my goodness! He speaks the language of the ancient leader of the Sea Org! He is the prophet of the Church of Scientology!

Spears-Federline baby-2: You idiot! He's not a Scientologist, he's retarded!

Cruise-Holmes baby: And that's why he is the prophet! He is in the clear stage! He is free of Body Thetans!

Knauss-Trump baby: What the hell are you talking about? All you Scientologists care about is making money from your followers!

Jolie-Pitt baby: Do you think I can get a few of your business books to distribute to underprivileged economic areas?

Knauss-Trump baby: Sure! They are $19.99 each and my daddy will do a live seminar for his standard appearance fee of $100,000.

Jolie-Pitt baby: That's highway robbery!

Knauss-Trump baby: No, that's business. Tell you what. I'll give you a 10% discount if I can enjoy your mommy's "liquid assets."

Jolie-Pitt baby: That's fine with me. For all I know my mommy may have adopted you already. She adopts in bulk.

Knauss-Trump baby: Speaking of bulk, have you seen Britney Spears lately? Woof!

Spears-Federline baby-2: Don't talk about my mommy!

Spears-Federline baby-1: Dabba yabba flabba!!!

Cruise-Holmes baby: The prophet has spoken! We must do as he commands! Dabba yabba flabba! Dabba yabba flabba!

Dabba yabba flabba! Dabba yabba flabba!

Dabba yabba flabba! Dabba yabba flabba!