President Bush's War on Retirement

Bush Jokes & Funny Pictures

by HogWild

Should We Privatize Social Security? We need to secure our privates for future generations.

I'm all about not having the government telling me what to do. I like that principal in general. But this is not the way.

Why don't we ever learn from our past? We have the memories of mosquitoes after an all-night bender from sucking the blood of Billy Joel.

ABOVE:  Drunk guy. But he gets hot bims so it's all good. Plus he's one of my favorite musicians.

There was something called the Great Depression. This was a time when there was no social security. Everybody lost all whole lot of money. This caused a lot of people to be homeless. Good people turned homeless. Not just crazy people with no teeth who make you feel guilty for not giving them 25 cents on the subway so they can buy beer. If they wanna drink, they should hang out with Billy Joel.

Old people were on the streets. Now, old people already smell funny.

You know why old people smell? Because they are rotting.

So you can just imagine HOMELESS old people.

So we said, we don't want this to happen again.

So we created a safety net called Social Security. A safety net to catch us if we fell off the corporate ladder. (Wow! That was actually kind of clever! I'd better talk about doody before I lose you guys.)

ABOVE: Horse bleep. That's what this is. Freakin' horse bleep.

Now President Bush thinks we can get rid of the safety net and let us invest the money however we want.... right! See that's EXACTLY what we had before....

Let me ask you a question. How much money do you have saved right now? What? Nothing? You mean you OWE money? See, you're stupid. What if you lost your job for 6 months... oh, you didn't think about that? Collect unemployment insurance? Oh yeah, another social device as a safety net created because we're stupid.

Hey, I'm stupid too. I just admit it. Do I have health insurance? No. But instead of buying it myself for $250 dollars a month, I'm spending my money on luxury items like plush toilet paper... Charmin Ultra is da bomb, baby!

I've made my dumb decision. If I break my leg, I'm
screwed. But my butt feels goooooooood.

The point is: when today's young people are elderly, we should make sure they are able to retire to Florida, wear their pants too high, and say things like, "Back in MY day, shunny, we had good ol' fashioned video games where we ran over hookers and stabbed cops. You kids today don't appreciate a good 2-D game!"

Some of you right-wing nubs are like, "Weller, I just don' like the government tellin' me how to save ma money!"

I agree.

So how about we REALLY get the government out of our pockets and.. GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY BACK!!! Just stop taking my money period. That way with the money I now KEEP in my pathetic paycheck, I can buy much needed health insurance.

Yeah right. I 'm buying luxurious cottony toilet paper! Charmin Ultra, baby!

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