HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: Donald Trump wedding jokes and pictures


The TRUMP Wedding

Jokes & Funny Pictures

by HogWild & Paul Dean

HogWild has the exclusive on The Donald Trump wedding! Secrets revealed!

This is the legal contract Trump made his new wife sign.

The Trump Pre-Nuptial Agreement

1. PURPOSE. Mr. Donald Trump, herein referred to as "The Donald" and Ms. Melania Knauss, herein referred to as "The Trophy Wife" are merging into matrimony, herein referred to as "The Trump Partnership III, Inc." The parties are setting forth in this Agreement their respective rights.

2. EFFECT OF AGREEMENT. The Donald will retain 100% of all property, cash, and hair upon termination of Trump Partnership III, Inc.

The Donald will retain 100% of all revenue from the tell-all book deal (tentatively titled "Trump: The Art of the Deal III. The Deal is, you're Dumped!", Random Whores Publishing), post-divorce television interview appearance fees, and monies collected from the eBay auction of The Trophy Wife's underwear.

The Donald is entitled to keep 100% of revenues generated from the free publicity to Trump Enterprises resulting from the termination of Trump Partnership III, Inc. The Trophy Wife is entitled to keep 100% of the humiliation of being replaced by a younger woman.

THE MARLA MAPLES CLAUSE: After termination of Trump Partnership III, Inc. Trophy Wife may no longer use the Trump name in association with her pathetic attempts at a career in acting/singing/dancing/spokeswoman for vaginal
hygiene products

If The Trophy Wife files for divorce, she may not issue the public statement, "You're Fired!" Make up your own catch-phrase, bitch!

3. DISPOSITION OF PROPERTY. All Trump property in the possession of The Trophy Wife must be returned, including Trump Hotel towels.

Likenesses of The Trophy Wife may continue to be used in

I. The Trump Hotel, Casino, and Ex-wife Wax Museum
II. All Trump-brand masturbation fantasies

The Trophy Wife is prohibited from visiting any of The Donald's personal property such as most of the Atlantic City strip, Palm Beach, Florida or the entirety of Manhattan. If found trespassing, she will be escorted to the outer boroughs.

The Donald may dissolve Trump Partnership III, Inc. given the occurrence of any of the below eventualities:

I. The Trophy Wife turns 40.
II. The Trophy Wife looks 40.
III. The Trophy Wife has some really hot model friends who "were totally asking for it."
IV. The Trophy Wife stops going "downtown."
V. Infidelity
a) The Donald suspects her infidelity from something he heard on The Howard Stern Show
b) The Donald proves her infidelity with 3 other parties signing as witnesses on SSODC
(Standard Small Orgy Declaration Form)

VI. The Trophy Wife suggests that Mr. Trump's hair is anything but 100% natural. And beautiful.
VII. The Trophy Wife intentionally touches The Hair.

VIII. The Trophy Wife doesn't properly respect The Hair.
IX. The Donald "feels like it".
X. Roman numerals are cool.

4. RIGHTS ACCORDED TO THE TROPHY WIFE. As predictable as it may be, The Trophy Wife is fully within her rights to pose for the obligatory Playboy shoot. The Trophy Wife's constitutional right to pose softcore shall not be infringed upon.

However, under no circumstances may The Trophy Wife sell photos that include The Donald. This clause applies especially to photos that include The Penis.

The Trophy Wife is accorded the right to a "hearty pat on the back" for a job well done, in addition to a patronizing "Certificate of Appreciation."

The Trophy Wife is entitled to keep all items given to her during the course of Trump Partnership III, Inc. including furs, diamonds, and Trump babies. Items are non-returnable under Florida State Law 4316.12b: No Backsies.

Upon termination of Trump Partnership III, Inc. The Trophy Wife may make one (1) public joke about The Donald's hair. But will then be legally required to state that, all kidding aside, Mr. Trump's hair is lush, natural and very real.

The Trophy Wife is entitled to her fading looks, possible eating disorder and bitter tears.
Perhaps, if she doesn't like it, she can just pack up and go back to Serbia, Slovakia or whichever potato-loving, dictator-having, mass-grave country she came from. Would she like that any better? This legal document didn't think so.

The Trophy Wife may apply to be a contestant on a special edition of The Apprentice: The All-Star Ex-Wives Edition. And because of her qualifications as a foreign-born woman with no job skills, The Trophy Wife may also apply to be a maid at The Trump Hotel.

5. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. Given the dissolution of this union, The Trophy Wife will be presented with two legal options:
A) "Like it."
or B) "Lump it."

  Expert Dating Advice Videos by me -- HogWild -- professional dating advice: helpful and hilarious.

Dating Advice! Expert dating advice videos, your dating advice questions answered by HogWild!

HOGWILD.NET RANTS  Like this? See HogWild Perform LIVE!
FREE! Get the HogWild! Newsletter with dumb jokes
  Powered by groups.yahoo.com