HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: Germany jokes and pictures


HogWild Eats his Way Through Europe! 

Germany, Part 3: The Midget Grocery Store and Moshing in Munich

Jokes & Funny Pictures

by HogWild

This is the famous German band Rammstein. Me and this sweet girl moshed the night away. Also, I took a poll. 3 out of 3 German brass players likes apple strudel.

This German food is mad good! (In German they say Schmeckt-alicious.) That stuff that looks like a puddle of poo is really good goulash. Tender and spicy. Those 2 big balls melted in my mouth. And of course there is a tasty pile of kraut on the side.

Germans love to make fun of how fat Americans are. But their diet consists of pork, kraut and potatoes. They got some fatties there too. And just to set the record straight, most Fat-Americans live in the middle of the country – where the Germans settled their fat asses to make a new life!

And a little something to wash it all down. Beer is the lazy-man's Gatorade. Beer is the Sports Drink that revitalizes my system with the proper vitamins, nutrients, and gases. And believe me, I expend lots of those things playing lazy-man sports like channel-surfing. Especially that last thing.

Ever see an ass bite a lion? Hint: I'm the ass.

As a tourist, I HATE asking someone to take my picture because I'm from the Bronx, man. I don't trust anybody. I’m paranoid they’ll steal my camera. That's why I always ask a really fat guy. "Excuse me sir, you look, um, slow. Will you take my picture? Thank you. I like your crutches."

This is a group of Asians taking pictures. Asians are the best at traveling in large groups to take pictures. So I've decided to travel the world taking pictures of Asians taking pictures.

As a tourist, I’m that guy with the huge life-size map in front of his face. Don’t know how I survive. I walk through horse-poop, almost got hit by a dairy truck, and I tripped over a beggar.

Germany is great. Clean. Beautiful. I knew I wasn’t in NY any more because when I looked up I was like, "What are those things? Sky-zits? Oh yeah! I read about these! They're called stars! And (sniff) what’s that smell? Aaaah, it’s the wonderful smell of NOT-garbage!"

Munich is great place in particular. One sad thing is they had a horrible Concentration Camp nearby during WW II. If you saw Schindler's List, you know they forced the Jews on trains to take them away their homes and in labor camps.  

The Nazis tried to pretend like it would be a fun experience, calling it "Camp" and using really cute Choo-Choo trains.   


After making that joke, I puked in a garbage can.

After puking, my stomach was empty. Time to eat again! So I went to the lake to make friends with my lunch. They thought I was feeding them. But I was really breading the ducks from the inside. 

Munich is a nice town. Much different than New York City.

In NY, you ask somebody, “Excuse me, where is the train station?”

The guy will rudely bark, “It’s over there!” as he points to no where in in particular.

In small towns like Munich, they’re TOO friendly! “Excuse me, where is the train station?”

"Okay, you see the bakery down the street? They have the best cookies. You MUST try one! Take a right at the Griddle House. Go in and say hi to Bertha. She’s a doll. Then you’ll see my aunt’s house. She has a puppy that is so cute! Oh, and my name is Michael. My daughter is getting married tomorrow. You're invited!"

I was having so much fun, but I ran out of ca$h. Got a job at the Elf Grocery Store. 


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