Okay, I tried to keep this list fair.

To be fair, I did NOT include old women (Yoko Ono, Bea Arthur, Liza Minelli) or random women or WNBA players.

NOTE: I did not list WNBA players because there is only so much space here on the internet.

Beauty is highly subjective. So, while YOU may find a cross-eyed fire-breathing hump-backed pocked-marked frizzy-headed tripled-chinned saggy-faced beaked-nosed dog-eared chicken-necked woman attractive... I do not.

These are women that are so scary-looking, I look at them to cure my hiccups.

Rosie O'Donnell: Carve out the orange flesh inside her skull, place a candle in her mouth and put her head outside your window on October 31st.

Whitney Houston (post-crack): When she walks you can hear the chains rattling.

Sandra Oh: Oh oh oh is she ugly! Just kidding, extra chromosomes are hot.

Christina Ricci: Her looks are out-of-this world.

Courtney Love: Girls who bake pies are hot. Girls who smash pies in their own face are not.

Sandra Bernhard: Her favorite mode of transportation is a broomstick.

Kirstie Alley: Looks like she slept in an alley.

Martina Navartalova: She was one of the best tennis players and a great actor.

Sevtlana Kuznetsova: Okay, female athletes don't have to be hot, but if you pulled down this woman's panties, her v@gina would bark at you.

Linda Tripp: You are in trouble when John Goodman dressed as you, looks better than you.

Donatella Versace: It's hard to believe that the hideous Ms. Versace is responsible for one of the world's top fashion lines. This would be like if we found out that Ronald McDonald was a strict vegetarian.

Nikki Hilton: This poor girl. Okay, she has what appears to be a cleft lip -- or it's Herpes. Either way, I feel really bad for her because she's Paris Hilton's sister.

Chelsea Clinton: I'd excuse her looks if she could distract me with some funny props.

Tori Spelling: Okay, she's not THAT scary looking. I'm just mad because I bet all this money on her and she didn't even Win, Place or Show!

Chyna: The only thing feminine about her is that her name rhymes with v@gina.

Rachel Dratch: Normally, female comedians don't count. (See the WNBA rule.) I'd rather put Kathy Griffin here, but DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

Kelly Osbourne: If Rosie O'Donnell gave birth... this would be her cud-chewing udder-dangling off-spring.

And finally... the scariest looking woman of all!