Holley Mangold. The future of the NFL... fat chicks.  Funny pictures + Twisted Humor. 
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The Future of the NFL... Fat Chicks

 

NFL Football Holley Mangold Jokes + Twisted Humor

expert dating advice

Justin Sanders with HogWild

JUSTIN: In Kettering, Ohio, home of the New York Jets starting center Nick Mangold, there is another Mangold making headlines on the football field... Nick’s little sister Holley Mangold!

Actually I shouldn’t say "little" sister because at the tender age of 17 she is 5'9" and 310 pounds, outweighing her older brother who plays in the NFL by 11 pounds. Hey Hog, didn’t your last girlfriend weigh somewhere close to three bills?

HOG: Hey! I don't date fat chicks! I date crazy chicks.

JUSTIN: Holley Mangold is the first girl to ever play varsity football in Ohio state high school history.

HOG: Coach Morris Buttermaker, who invented high school football in 1803, must be spinning in his grid iron grave.

COACH BUTTERMAKER: What?!!! Girls are allowed to play high school football?!! And wait! When did they start allowing girls into high school?

At 310 pounds I’m guessing she’s an offensive lineman, er, linewoman, linebeast?

JUSTIN: Her position is LS, which stands for Left Side of the line.

HOG: No way you can get past her by physical force. You gotta run up to her and tell her, “Hey! You look fat in those pants!”

Then you run around her while she's sobbing and chewing on a Snickers.

JUSTIN: I remember when I was in high school we had a chick play kicker on our team. She sucked big time and not in a good way. The only time she ever got on the field, she tried to kick the ball and it was blocked by the center’s ass! 

HOG: You never want your balls to end up in a guy’s ass. Especially if you’re a chick.

JUSTIN: Despite the fact she made the team, her high school coach tried to discourage her from playing football by telling her to "go out for cheerleading." But like most of the guys at her high school, Holley was quick to say, "No one wants to see me in a cheerleading skirt, so don’t even try it."

Come on who doesn’t want to see a 300 pound cheerleader?

You know the other teams cheerleader’s would be intimidated! I think they should allow her to do both. Just throw on some shoulder pads and a helmet... only instead of football pants she could wear a cheerleading skirt. How do you like that visual Hog?

HOG: I love it! She doesn’t need any other cheerleaders on the team! A 300 pound cheerleader is a pyramid all by herself!

The only problem is that when she jumps in the air, she gets stuck. HA HA HA!!! I know that’s an old Ya Mama joke, but it’s funny! HA HA HA. Woooooo.

JUSTIN: She's so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon! She's so fat, her brother's going to beat the sh!t out of us when he reads this!

HOG: You really can’t have a jiggly obese cheerleader kicking up her leg and wiggling her cellulite because it will cause the players to choke to death when they vomit inside their helmets.

JUSTIN: So is she a token girl on the football team? I doubt it because she’s got the size and the power for sure, she even set a national record for squat lifting 525 pounds and her coach thinks that she could approach 700 pounds by the time she’s in college.

No word on whether her was referring to what her actual weight will be in college or just how much she was going to squat. I’m hoping that it’s both.

HOG: Whoa! Is she really that strong? Holy crap! Ms. Mangut, I’d like to apologize right now for everything I just said and thought. You are a beautiful young woman. Please do not crush my skull between your powerful she-pecs.

JUSTIN: If I were on her team my only fear would be if she tried to follow in her brother’s footsteps by playing center. You talk about an awkward exchange... how would you like to be the quarterback that has to put his hands under her booty? Can you say, "Shotgun?"

HOG: Dude, it’d look like the quarterback was delivering a baby elephant.

JUSTIN: Ha ha ha! Nice! To be honest I’m actually happy for her. If we had anyone that size blocking for us in high school we might have won more than two games my senior year.

But as a male chauvinist pig I must admit that the only time I want to see girls playing football is in the Lingerie Bowl!

HOG: Yes, and I can’t wait for Holley Mangirth to strap on that lingerie!

HOLLEY MANGOLD: Arg ugh arg, yummy! That edible underwear was delicious.

COACH: Um, that wasn’t edible underwear.

HOLLEY MANGOLD: To me, everything is edible! ARG UGH ARG…

COACH: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! My arm!!

 

 

 


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Holley Mangold. The future of the NFL... fat chicks.  Funny pictures + Twisted Humor.   
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