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Top 23 Hurricane Katrina Emergency Response Priorities from the Bush White House

Hurricane Katrina Jokes & Funny Pictures

by HogWild and Paul Dean

Top 23 Hurricane Katrina Emergency Response Priorities from the Bush White House

As a game, at least one of these has actually ALREADY happened! Do you know which one(s)?

1. Immediate airlift evacuation of all remaining Caucasians
2. Launch full investigation into how Saddam Hussein masterminded this from jail
3. Dispatch Bush's twin daughters to New Orleans to help raise much needed beads for Mardi Gras

4. Emergency repeal of capital gains tax, just in case
5. Parachute in emergency Bibles for a faith-based rescue
6. Create a new Cabinet-level "U.S. Department of Giving a Sh!t"
7. To boost the city's sagging morale, Friday is declared Casual Day
8. Department of Homeland Security to distribute Brawny Super Absorbent Paper Towels

9. Spend $782 Billion to Construct Hurricane Defense Shield. Since there is absolutely no time to for competitive bids, give the job to Dick Cheney's company Halliburton.
10. Quickly link this disaster to Iran's Government, giving us a moral reason to invade Iran to take their oil since invading oil-producing countries is an effective way to keep gas prices very low.
11. President Bush to put on his "Serious Face" from now until people forget.

12. The NFL's New Orleans Saints ordered to wear some sort of symbol on their uniform to show that even though most of the millionaire players don't actually live in New Orleans, they still care, and they've got the ribbon/heart/red cross/black armband to prove it.
13. President Bush to PERSONALLY help victims of the hurricane, just like he did in Florida in 2004, right before the election. Either that, or he will survey the damage from his PERSONAL helicopter.
14. Dispatch Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to New Orleans to adopt orphaned colored children.
15. Because these are dangerous times and safety is our primary concern, all Television Meteorologists will be detained in Guantanamo Bay to find out what they know and then they knew it.
16. Emergency Constitutional Amendment to Ban Gay Marriage because scientists* say Hurricane Katrina could have been caused by gay people "stirring things up."

* Christian Scientists

17. Environmental Protection Standards to be Suspended to allow more pollutants in gasoline to increase profits, er, ease prices.
18. Bush: "And I say to Mother Nature, bring it on!"

19. Prolong this Katrina-thing as long as possible so everyone focuses on our incompetence here instead of our incompetence in Iraq.
20. Restore order in New Orleans by shooting the poor desperate hungry black people who are looting, so oil fields can be repaired to enable the rich white executives of the Exxon/Mobil Corporation to continue looting.
21. Restrict Freedom of the Press so powerfully moving images of dead people don't disturb Americans into reacting like compassionate human beings by helping the victims and blaming the White House.
22. White House staff furiously at work making the MISSION ACCOMPLISHED Banner to be unfurled as President Bush triumphantly pilots a speed boat down New Orleans' Bourbon Street.

23. Arrest Kanye West

Answers: 8,11,13,17 are kinda true, dude.






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