Jessie's Girl (is too damn young for him)

by HogWild

Jessie's Girl

This is the story of my friend Jessie. He is a 27 year old man dating a girl who is waaaay too young for him. 

This is to the tune of the Rick Springfield classic "Jessie's Girl." If you don't know that song, you are probably the age of Jessie's girlfriend.

Jessie is a friend,
Yeah, I know he's been a horny friend of mine
He started dating a hot chick and man she sure is fine
But she's too young for him, if he gets caught he'll do time

And Jessie's girl has got no hair on her muff...
And they dance on the bed to Hilary Duff... I just know it
Yeah and he's changing her diaper late at night... 

You know that's she's Jessie's girl!
She's the one with the pink shoelaces...
He cut his jammy on her braces.

Jessie like the girls with no pubies...
And he sneaks her into the R movies.
I know Jessie's girl is so great...
Because she can't get pregnant because she doesn't menstruate.

Cause he's old enough to date her mom
And they wake up together to watch Pokemon... I just know it
And he's reading her a bedtime story late, late at night.

You know that she's Jessie's girl!
And she's way too young to vote...
When she misses school, Jessie writes the note.

Jessie is my friend and he is really tall,
And his little girlfriend just learned how to crawl.
They read YM together, every single issue... oops he sneezed!
He reaches in her training bra for some tissues.

He's taking her out every night and he's splurgin'
But he's not getting any because she's still a virgin.

He gets the young girls, his favorite show is Kim Possible
He hangs out in the maternity ward at the hospital

Jessie's girl -- she likes candy -- she's Jessie's girl

He cooked her favorite dinner: peanut butter and jelly
Jessie is my friend and his idol is R. Kelly