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March MILF Madness:
The Final 4Play. Pamela Anderson vs. Melania Knauss-Trump.
Heidi Klum vs. Christine Taylor.
MILF Madness + Seriously Twisted Humor
Welcome to March MILF Madness:
The Final 4Play!! We've got Pamela Anderson vs.
Melania Knauss-Trump
and Christine Taylor vs. Heidi Klum.
The Winner of each game is
determined by a secret statistical formula you would not
understand. Because it involves fractions.
The Basics of the Formula include:
- A Panel of Judges consisting of heterosexual men
- Asking 1000 people on the streets of New York City
- My personal vote
- Internet Buzz Statistics
- In the case of a tie, there is a high-stakes rock-paper-scissors
tournament
GAME 1:
PAMELA ANDERSON VS. MELANIA KNAUSS-TRUMP
Now this is a great match-up in THE MARCH MILF MADNESS MILF
Tournament. Pamela Anderson was ranked #1 going in but
Melania Knauss-Trump has been digging, digging,
golddigging past the competition.
One judge gives his view:
Melania Knauss-Trump destroys Pamela Anderson now. 5
years ago, it would be all Pamela, but now Melania has got it all.
And, you know that she's never been with Tommy.
Another judge, the infamous rapper
The Zodiac, says Melania
Knauss-Trump gets the nod (to nod on his rod): "'cause that's
some billionaire p*ssy now and I'd like to up my wealth. Plus
Pamela would give me Hep C and I'd have nothing to show for it but
extra plastic on my hands from extreme t!tty play and monthly
doctor appointments. F*ck that."
Melania is just beginning to
become a household name. But we don't know a lot about her.
One thing that's great about Pamela Anderson is her
personality. Pamela is one of the few celebrities who doesn't take
herself too seriously. She knows she is playing a role and she has
fun with it. That's a huge plus. Another thing that's
positive about Pamela is her Hepatitis test. Contagious
Diseases are a bit of a turnoff.
It's been a close game... Pamela's got the bigger basketballs
to make the guys want to dunk their nuts in her paint-area.
But look how hot the model Melania is -- how could you resist
shooting from downtown?
But Pamela, man, that body. Guys want to
give her the full-court press.
Not that anyone would mind a one-on-one game with Melania
Knauss-Trump.
And in the closest game yet... the WINNER... by a buzzer boner
beater.... MELANIA KNAUSS-TRUMP!! Melania is going to the
Finals!
GAME 2:
HEIDI KLUM VS. CHRISTINE TAYLOR
Heidi Klum:
Christine Taylor:
Heidi Klum was far-and-away the favorite for guys who
wanted to get close-and near. Though Christine Taylor is also
hot and 2 years younger.
One of our judges explained:
"Heidi Klum is a goddess. Christine Taylor is not in the same
category as Heidi. Heidi is foreign with a sexy accent and her name
is Heidi. But, let me take a step back.......A super model or
an actress who
played Marcia Brady in a remake movie......Hmmmmm....
"HEIDI HEIDI HEIDI HO!
"Oh, and didn't Heidi bang David Copperfield.....an illusionist, a
guy who can make things appear.... So a blonde who loves
being fooled and seeing things pop out. My vote is for Heidi."
Look, both Christine Taylor and Heidi Klum are 2 of the hottest
women in the MILFy Way Galaxy. But when judging we really
have to split hairs. Pubic Hairs. This is serious stuff here.
A LOOK BACK:
Judge Zodiac: "Heidi Klum 'cause she's down with the Brothas!!
Any white woman who marries Seal must love the dark meat.
Well, I have plenty for her blonde cooch strip. I like the other
chick but she's not an original Marcia Brady."
Man! Let this be a lesson for you women. Don't ever appear in
a bad movie or guys will never forgive you!
Christine Taylor has been in so many TV shows and movies. I mean,
c'mon she was in Zoolander! Zooooooolander!!!
And if Melania Knauss-Trump gets points for being married to
a billionaire, then Christine Taylor should get points for
being married to one of the biggest comedy stars -- Ben Stiller.
That means Christine must have a great sense of humor. And if The
Zodiac can vote for a girl because she likes his kind, then I can
vote for Christine Taylor because she's married to MY kind... Jewish
comedian! She must love the Kosher Pickle! Hey, I'd give her
a nickel to tickle my pickle!
NOTE TO MY GIRLFRIEND: Just
kidding. You are the only one who I want to tickle my pickle because
I know if I let anyone else tickle my pickle blood will trickle
because you'll cut off my pickle with a sickle.
And the winner of the Heidi "The Body"
Klum vs. Christine "Marcia Brady" Taylor match-up is.... HEIDI!
HEIDI! HEIDI!
Now the excitement reaches its climax in the MILF Finals!
We've got 2 European Model MILFs:
Heidi Klum vs. Melania Knauss Trump!
Stay tuned...
More Funny HogWild Rants and Jokes
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