MARISKA HARGITAY: We've got a breaking and exiting!

DET. JOHN MUNCH: Don't you mean a breaking and entering?

MARISKA HARGITAY: No. My water broke and the baby is exiting!

ICE T: Aw, crap. I don't know how to deliver no baby.

DET. JOHN MUNCH: That's right. You're a rapper. You guys run out as soon as you find out the girl is pregnant.

ICE T: Don't make me take you down, fool.

CAPT. DONALD CRAGEN: Gentlemen! ... Aw, look! We have our newest member of the force!

DET. ELLIOT STABLER: Okay, rookie. You ride with me. I'll show you the ropes.
 

BABY THROWS A FIT...

BABY: Waaaa! Waaaa!

DET. ELLIOT STABLER: Oh. I see that you already know how to do everything that I do.

IN THE CRIME LAB...



ICE T: This is not the kind of DNA I want to be analyzing.


IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM...

DET. ELLIOT STABLER: Okay creep! Tell us what really happened!

PERP: Never!

DET. ELLIOT STABLER: You wouldn't lie to a baby, would you?

PERP: Aw man, that baby sure is cute...

BABY: Goo goo Ga Ga.

PERP: Okay! I'll confess!

DET. ELLIOT STABLER: Tell us! Tell us who is the real father of Mariska's baby!

PERP: Okay man, okay! It's........  B.D. Wong!

DET. ELLIOT STABLER:  Wow! This is blowing my mind. I mean, this baby doesn't even LOOK gay!

B.D. WONG: Hello. I'm B.D. Wong and I am a Gay-Asian-American. I am also the father of Mariska Hargitay's baby.

A.D.A. CASEY NOVAK: We don't have enough evidence to support these claims. This will never hold up in court.

B.D. WONG: Shut up bitch before I bang my gavel on YOUR face. B.D. stands for Baby Daddy! Anyway, you might be wondering why I am the father and not her husband.

Well, that's a long story. Instead of thinking about that, why not buy my new cologne?

My exclusive fragrance will transform your Happy Trail into the Silk Road where women (or men) will travel down down down until they taste your spices and are rewarded with white pearls.

MARISKA HARGITAY: Woooo. My husband is really going to be pissed. Hey, stop staring at my t!ts. Yes, I know they're luscious.

A.D.A. CASEY NOVAK: We don't have enough of a bra to support those cans. Those boobies will never hold up in court.  

DET. JOHN MUNCH: How about we test that theory with a little three-way action back in the coroner's office.

ICE T:  You're a sick bastard. That three-way should totally take place in the interrogation room so I can watch through the double-sided glass.

CAPT. DONALD CRAGEN: Gentlemen! ... I'm the Captain and I say if there's going to be any hot girl-on-girl action it's going to be in my office! Now grab me an extra pair of handcuffs and some whipped cream.