HOGWILD.NET semi-hilarious comedy: Martha Stewart jokes and pictures
| EXPERT DATING ADVICE | DATING ADVICE | DATING COACH | MEMBERS | STORE | FUNNY PICTURES | FUNNY RANTS | COMEDY VIDEOS | DATING ADVICE MAN | CARTOONS | CHATS | GAMES | LINKS | COMEDY SHOWS | CONTACT | JOIN NOW |
Reading Between the Lines of Martha Stewart's Letter
Jokes & Funny Pictures
Martha Stewart wrote a letter to her
fans on her website after her release from prison.
(Yes, I read Martha Stewart's web site.
Women who cook are hot!) I have
translated what she REALLY meant:
"Reading Between the Lines of Martha
MARTHA: "The experience of the
last five months in Alderson, West Virginia, has been life altering and
TRANSLATION: Being locked up with
those chain-smoking redneck women, many of whom have more
tattoos than teeth, has changed my life. I never before
experienced fresh vegetables in such a vulgar and hurtful manner.
I am glad just to be alive.
TRANSLATION: In the near future, I
will publish a "tell-all book", exploiting those unfortunate and
uncultured women, many of whom were actually victims of their own
success -- just like me! I learned many things from these women. I
learned that real power is not derived from money and career,
but by sitting on a person's face with all of your weight.
TRANSLATION: Next time I won't get
caught. Cuz I ain't never goin' back to the clink! You hear me? NEVER!
TRANSLATION: In return for not forcing me to eat trailer-trash cooch 12 hours a day, I have many favors to repay. The stories they have told me continue to haunt my nightmares. One woman confided in me that she has had -- in her entire life -- but one glass of Chardonnay. And at room temperature. ROOM TEMPERATURE!!!!
TRANSLATION: Finally I can bake my meatloaf in total privacy.
TRANSLATION: I can't wait to get back
TRANSLATION: Especially since I can't leave it without this ankle bracelet going off.
Expert Dating Advice Videos by me -- HogWild -- professional dating advice: helpful and hilarious.
|Dating Advice! Expert dating advice videos, your dating advice questions answered by HogWild!
|HOGWILD.NET RANTS to see the rest of this series! Like this? See HogWild Perform LIVE!|