NBA Mockery Draft: Top Picks Snoop Dogg & Air Bud. Greg Oden is Greg Olden. Funny Rants, Dirty jokes + Twisted Humor.  
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NBA Mockery Draft: Top Picks Snoop Dogg & Air Bud

lebron james


Greg Oden, Funny Rants + Twisted Humor

Justin Sanders


Justin Sanders with HogWild

JUSTIN: Everybody and their dog is doing a Mock Draft for the NBA this year but I guarantee you none of them will look like this! So without further ado here are my top 7picks for the 2007 NBA Draft.

1. Portland Trailblazers - For a city known for Roses, Hippies and AMAZING Ganja there can only be one need when it comes to the NBA draft.

Sure Greg Oden would be the logical pick for a struggling Trailblazer team but he looks like he’s 62 years old and that scares me. So if I’m their GM I’m going out on a limb and taking Snoop Doggy Dog because no one knows more about the Chronic than Doggy Dogg and even if he can’t play a lick of ball, the parties after the game are going to be off the hook!

snoop dogg

HOG: I think you have finally lost your mind. If you think Greg Oden looks old, take a look at a recent picture of Snoop. All that chronic smoking has caught up to him. He’s like 35, but in Snoop Dogg years he’s 245 years old.

JUSTIN: Dude, Greg Oden looks like a slightly younger Fred Sanford!

greg oden

HOG: Except for the nose, they look nothing alike. But Greg Oden does look kinda old to be a college student. Is he like, one of those people taking Adult Education classes or something?

JUSTIN: 2. Seattle Supersonics- There are rumors that since the Sonics can’t get a Arena deal finished that the team is going to be sold and moved to another city. So since the best player in the draft is Kevin Durant I say the Sonics pick him up and move to Durant’s city, Austin, Texas!

However since the Austin Supersonics sounds terrible we’re going to change their names to the Austin Assmonkeys. I know it makes no sense but you have to admit that it does have a ring to it. Don’t you think?

HOG: Okay. I give up. What the hell happened to you? Be honest. Over the weekend, did a rusty nail get lodged in your head?

JUSTIN: No. Maybe. I'm not sure...wait what was the question again?

3. Atlanta Hawks- The Hawks haven’t been relevant since Dominique Wilkins was throwing down two handed windmill dunks so I think that the city should embrace the only other sports superstar in town, Michael Vick.

That’s right, Michael Vick may be the Quarterback for the Falcons but lately he’s been more known for his ties to dog fighting. So that’s why for the third pick in the NBA Draft the Hawks are going with Air Bud, the slam dunking Disney Dog!

air bud

Not only will he be able to harass opposing players on defense but during time-outs he can entertain the fans by humping the cheerleader’s legs!

HOG: I want you to know that we all love you. We’re not judging you. Now just stay where you are. The medics are on their way to take you the “Happy Place.”

strait jacket

JUSTIN: 4. Memphis Grizzlies- Since Memphis is known for Barbecue and the Blues the only logical pick here is B.B. King, the famous Blues singer! Sure it’s generally not a good idea to draft an 81 year old with diabetes but since the Grizzlies suck so bad why not have King sitting on the bench playing the Blues while visiting teams destroy whip that ass!

HOG: What does “destroy whip that ass” mean? Is this really Justin, or is your body inhabited by the spirit of an evil, but possibly severely retarded, alien?

JUSTIN: "Destroy whip that ass" is the new slang that Snoop Dogg is using in his latest album...or a typo.

5. Boston Celtics- Ever since the Boston Celtics won their last championship in 1986 their team has been plagued with tragedies. From the sudden deaths of Reggie Lewis and Len Bias to the demolition of the Boston Garden to the recent death of their most famous coach Red Auerbach the Boston Celtics are in need of some good luck.

That’s why with the 5th pick of the 2007 NBA draft the Boston Celtics select, "Lucky" the famous mascot for everyone’s favorite cereal Lucky Charms! No more bad luck! Nope from now on it’s nothing but cavities and championships in Boston!

HOG: If you’re gonna go in that direction, you’ve got to select Crackle from Rice Krispies. He’s the Steve Nash of breakfast cereal mascots.

JUSTIN: See now you're coming around!

6. Milwaukee Bucks- For a city that’s know for Beer, Bratwurst and cheese there sure is a shortage of big fat white dudes on the Bucks’ team. So in order to get more in touch with their fan base, this year the Bucks are taking John Goodman! The only man who could not only fit right in with most Milwaukeeianins, Goodman could also show play famous clips from his movies during time-outs!

Just imagine sitting there at a Buck’s game while they’re getting blown out when all of the sudden you hear, “Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.” The dude abides, the Dude abides.

HOG: I do love John Goodman but I think he is miscast here, in this, your bizarre sports fantasy world.

JUSTIN: It was either him or Norm from Cheers.

7. Minnesota Timberwolves- Chris Rock once said that the only black people living in Minnesota were Prince and Kirby Puckett so it only makes sense that Prince joins the team. Forget all of the music entertainment that he offers, when you have a chance to add a 5’2” point guard to your team I just think you have to pull the trigger. Besides did you see Prince dunk in that Chappelle Show skit? He’s got mad game.


HOG: I am very disappointed because this is your only selection that even kind of makes sense. I thought for sure you’d pick Kirby Puckett. Even though he’s dead.

JUSTIN: They're saving Kirby for their second round pick. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go to the hospital for a brain scan.

the fonz

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NBA Mockery Draft: Top Picks Snoop Dogg & Air Bud. Greg Oden is Greg Olden. Funny Rants, Dirty jokes + Twisted Humor.
HOGWILD.NET  expert dating advice. helpful and hilarious videos!