NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Canada sucking at hockey is like Sweden sucking at bikinis. + pictures: Jessica Alba looks hot in hats. Funny Rants, Dirty jokes + Twisted Humor.  
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NHL Stanley Cup Report: Canada Sucking at Hockey is Like Sweden Sucking at Bikinis

hot hockey girls

NHL Stanley Cup, Funny Rants + Twisted Humor

Justin Sanders

HogWild

Justin Sanders with HogWild

JUSTIN: LeBron James finally had his coming out party, the Spurs made the NBA Finals, Michael Vick is about to get busted for dog fighting and the Yankees are 13 ½ games out of first place but you know what? Today I’m writing about HOCKEY! So take out your false teeth and put on your old school Gordie Howe jersey as we break down the Stanley Cup Finals.

By the way, since you gave me sooo much hell about the Texas teams in baseball last week, I just wanted to ask you how the New York teams were fairing in the NBA playoffs?

HOG: My New York Knicks are technically undefeated in the Playoffs. HA HA HA! Okay, time for me to go back to weeping.


JUSTIN: First of all, my prediction that the Buffalo Sabres winning it all was completely wrong but considering that I don’t follow hockey that closely, it’s not all that surprising. It’s like trying to guess which hat that HogWild’s going to wear each day because unless you live with him you just never know whether it’ll be the Blue Mets hat or the White Mets hat or the spring training Mets hat or the Mets Beanie or the Mets skull cap.

HOG: If there were two entrances, one to a Strip Club and one to a baseball hat store… no contest, I’m drooling over all those hats. I can’t help it. I love hats! I also love hot girls who wear hats. Like those girls with the ponytail through the back of the baseball hat. So hot! I love girls in all kinds of hats. Sombreros. Fruit hats. Abe Lincoln top hats.

jessica alba

JUSTIN: This year is special as we have the Ottawa Senators trying to become the first Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup since the 92-93 Montreal Canadiens. This is weird if you ask me because some of the best players in the world come from Canada and yet the American teams have dominated the NHL like Chi Ali pitching to HogWild.

HOG: Hey! At least I didn’t strike out against him! I’m telling you, he was awesome in Little League!

Yeah, how can Canada not dominate hockey! It’s their official sport! It would be like if they had a World Baseball Classic and Team USA didn’t even make the Semi-Finals. Uh, oops.

JUSTIN: The Ottawa Senators were favored to win it all because they were one of the fastest, deepest and more talented teams in the league. This was to be the year of the Canadarians!

HOG: What’s a Canadarian? Is that one of the bad guys on Star Trek? Hold on, I'm fantasizing about Jessica Alba in a hat...

jessica alba

JUSTIN: It’s the underdog Anaheim “Mighty” Ducks that have been pushing the Senators around in this series so far by out-muscling, out-hustling and just flat out-playing Canetians.

HOG: What’s a Canetian? Are those a type of window blinds?

JUSTIN: This surprised me because who would’ve ever thought that a team from California would playing the role of the bad ass?! Not since the Oakland A’s and Raiders were good back in the 70’s has any team in the Golden State had the sack to play the role of bully and yet the team with the g@yest name in the NHL is taking over that mantle. All I can say is U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

HOG: Yeah, the Ducks were named after a Disney children’s movie. That’s pretty wussy. I think they should take a new more masculine name like the Mighty Bambis. Or the We’re-not-so-Little Mermaids.

JUSTIN: And while we’re talking about mascots how did the toughest sport in the world end up with a championship featuring two of the lamest mascots ever. One team is named after a Disney Movie that starred Emilio Estevez and the other is named after the famed Senators of the Roman Empire Julius Kennedy and Hepathus Clinton.

HOG: Yeah, the team name “Senators” doesn’t strike fear into the heart of the opponent. They should make the name more intimidating like… the Death Senators. Or the Murderous Senators of Death. Or the Ottawa Quorum. Basically the logo would be a gavel smashing into their opponent's face.

JUSTIN: So what’s my prediction for the series? Well since the “Mighty” Estevez’s lead the series 2-0 what’s the point? I’m sticking with them to upset the drunken Kennedys and take the Ice Hockey championship back to the Golden State as Gordie Howe stabs himself in the neck with an ice skate.

HOG: Poor Gordie Howe. Anyway, back to my Jessica Alba fantasy...

jessica alba

the fonz

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NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Canada sucking at hockey is like Sweden sucking at bikinis. + pictures: Jessica Alba looks hot in hats. Funny Rants, Dirty jokes + Twisted Humor.     
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