HOGWILD.NET  semi-hilarious comedy: Pat Morita Karate Kid jokes and pictures


Pat Morita Dead

Pat Morita, Karate Kid Jokes & Pictures.

by Paul Dean & HogWild

Noriyuki "Pat" Morita, better known as Mr. Miyagi in "The Karate Kid" movies, passed away at age 73 after a brief illness.  Soon after, Ralph Macchio's career comeback hopes were officially removed from life-support.

Sayonara Mr. Miyagi! A life in review:

June 28th, 1932 – Born with a flying kick through the womb.

1942 – During World War II, sent to a Japanese-American internment camp surrounded by barbed wire, soldiers and guard dogs.

But Miyagi didn't waste all that "free" time! Thanks to unsanitary conditions and incredible boredom, this is when he learned to catch a fly with a chopsticks! Thanks U.S. Government!

1945 –  After 3 years of being wrongfully locked up, he gets rescued by American hero and future Happy Days cast mate, Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli. The Fonz jumps the shark and over the barbed wire, grabs Morita and flees.

To thank Fonzie, Miyagi waxes on and waxes off Fonzie's motorcycle.

In hindsight, it turns out that an 11-year old wasn’t a national security threat after all. U.S. Government issues formal apology to the Morita family: "My bad."

1948 – His immigrant parents start a restaurant to satisfy America’s growing appetite for exotic “ethnic” food. They draw upon Japan’s rich culinary heritage and open a Papa Johns franchise.

1950 – Morita gets married, but it doesn't last. Why did they divorce? Because “Miyagi hate fighting.”

The press conjectures that maybe things got off on the wrong foot when in the wedding vow Morita said, “We make sacred pact. I promise teach karate to you, you promise housework. I say, you do, no questions.”

1951 - 1974 – During these 23 years Pat Morita does absolutely nothing. This is the official hogwild.net excuse as to why there are no jokes here.

1975 – Morita lands a reoccurring role on the hit show “Happy Days”, which is popular for nostalgically recalling a simpler era of when teens attended sock hops; all TVs were black and white; and Asians hadn’t been invented yet.

1984 “The Karate Kid” – Morita appears in the role that would define his career as Kesuke “Mister” Miyagi, the mentor to Ralph Macchio's "Daniel-san" who was taught Karate using household chores.

Later, in an unreleased sequel, Mr. Miyagi would rule the world by training an unstoppable army of Mexican maids.

1984 – Nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his Mr. Miyagi role in “The Karate Kid.” Loses, but later receives a Lifetime Achievement Award for his tireless efforts in promoting Asian stereotypes.

1985 - Morita learns that his Miyagi character has a profound cultural resonance. Especially his often-quoted line, “The secret to Karate lies in the mind and heart. Not in the hands.” Teenage Karate Kids all over the world would always remember this immediately after masturbating.

1994 “The Next Karate Kid” – This time, Mr. Miyagi trains a teenage girl. Daniella-san is nearly defeated by the evil Sweep-the-Labia Johnny.

AWWWWW. Gross!

Moral Lesson: Everyone learns that if you work hard and believe in yourself, you can overcome any defect, such as being a girl.

2005 – “The Karate Dog” – Pat Morita's dignity quietly slips away as he investigates the killing of an old man in Chinatown and finds the only witness is a small dog, Cho Cho.

He soon discovers Cho Cho is the only dog in the world who can speak to humans...and that Cho Cho is an expert in martial arts! This unlikely duo teams up as Mr. Morita learns the importance of paying his S.A.G. membership dues

And you thought The Karate Dog movie was made-up!

2005 - “Karate Kid: Bear-fighting” - Bears threaten Daniel's small California town. Instead of calling Animal Control, the town decides to take an inspirational stand, and fight for the home they love --with Karate! Entire town mauled by bears to soundtrack of Huey Lewis’s “That’s the Power of Love”.

Okay, that one was a little bit made-up.

Nov 24, 2005 - Morita died at his Las Vegas home of natural causes: a flying crane kick to the sternum followed by a hand-chop beheading.

Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  Including Morita's remains.

2005 and the Future - Pat Morita’s ground-breaking legacy lives on. He opened the floodgates for a new generation of famous Asian-American actors in Hollywood including Law & Order’s B.D. Wong, Mad TV’s Bobby Lee, and uh, you know, uh, there have been some Asian actors on those Star Trek spin-offs! Thanks Miyagi!

B.D. WONG!!!!!!!!


The Karate Kid. Look at this from a mother’s perspective: your underage son meets a strange man with no apparent wife or girlfriend.

Your son goes to this man’s house every day after school for “training” and comes back tired and sweaty. Wouldn’t a mother start to get suspicious?

Secret shameful conversation:

"Mr. Miyagi, I don’t understand how these unusual exercises will help my fighting."

"Patience, Daniel-san, you will. Now show me “Stroke Shaft”, now “Cup My Balls.”


  Expert Dating Advice Videos by me -- HogWild -- professional dating advice: helpful and hilarious.

Watch my helpful and hilarious Expert Dating Advice videos!

Dating Advice! Expert dating advice videos, your dating advice questions answered by HogWild!

Professional Dating Advice videos that will help you get the awesome relationship you deserve!

More HOGWILD.NET RANTS Like this? See HogWild Perform LIVE!
FREE! Get the HogWild! Newsletter with dumb jokes
  Powered by groups.yahoo.com
Are you on MySpace? Now you can add me as your friend! www.myspace.com/hogwildcomedy