Strippers Win Right to Meal Breaks in Australia. Finally!

The strippers formed a union to fight for their rights. The hot chicks have banded together to form a more perfect union. Now this is the more perfect union the founding fathers REALLY had in mind!

Benefits of membership in the Striptease Union

- Group discounts on pasties, 6 inch high heels, and nipple-clamps.

Pension and retirement

Once members reach the age of 55 1/2, they should no longer be members. That's just gross.

Members are enrolled in a 401K-Y investment plan.

- Worker's compensation for injuries sustained on the job such as: knee injuries, exploding breast implants, and (for our trick performers) pussy lung cancer.

Mental health services

Members enjoy up to 100 years of psychological counseling. The 1st 20 years are to discuss why you started stripping... the last 80 years are for learning to cope with the fact you were a stripper.

Salary Schedule
SALARY STEP........BASE......... WITH SPECIAL BACK ROOM SERVICES
YEAR 1...................$51,111.......$91,111
YEAR 2...................$61,111......$101,111
YEAR 3...................$71,111......$111,111
YEAR 4..................Your college tuition should be paid off by now, no? ;)
YEAR 5...................$81,111......$121,111
...
YEAR 25.................$11,111.......$11,111

Tax Services
Free class: Learn how purchase your home and cars with cash while still collecting welfare and food stamps and not raise the suspicion of IRS agents!

Hint: it involves using your job skills to entertain the married middle-aged IRS agent.

Discounts on Dining & Recreation
Save up to 50% while socializing with your fellow strippers at:
- Denny's
- Hooters
- The Orchestra

You rights:
- Your dressing room should include everything you need for a healthy lunch: fresh fruit, whipped cream, chocolate syrup and cocaine.
- You have the right to refuse a lap dance to any man who:

   - smells
   - has a dollar bill tied to a string

   - is your abusive boyfriend

- You are entitled to one 10 minute break from dancing per hour. You can not be required to perform oral sex on the club manager during this break. That's what your lunch break is for.

- You do not have to work on days your make-up fails to conceal the black eye given to you by your abusive boyfriend.

- Your breasts are your own and can not be touched by anyone without your permission. (Unless your breasts are not you own and were paid for by your employer.)

- Your body is your own and, if you become pregnant, you can not be required to get an abortion. You may lose the baby in any manner you choose including heroin overdose or being pushed down a flight of stairs into a tub full of scalding hot coat hangers by your abusive boyfriend.

Scholarship Program
- Receive up to $50,000 to pay for tuition at an accredited 4 year university.
- You'll get the money when we see your degree. You think we're stupid?

Working Conditions
- You have the right to a safe work environment, free of your abusive boyfriend. He should be where he belongs... drunk and waiting for you in your trailer home.

- The pole should be sanitized with cleaning alcohol after each use. And the cleaning alcohol should be completely dried so it does not burn your vagina. Your vagina should only be burning from herpes.

Arbitration
All disputes will be settled by an independent arbiter who will decide if you did or did not lesbian-kiss that other stripper "like you meant it."

Other disputes will be settled with "my fist to your pretty little face" by your abusive boyfriend.

Health Plan
- Covers your breast implants (since you don't!)
- Don't forget to bring in your breasts for routine maintenance at least once every 6 months or 6000 shimmies!

Legal Support
- The Union will pay for all court costs associated with the murder of your abusive boyfriend.