Valentine’s Day is basically a day to romance your woman and give her thoughtful gifts and crap… but why is there no special day us dudes? I think that day is... the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl Sunday is the day when a woman can show how much she really loves her man by giving him backrubs, cooking him various fatty fried foods and by tolerating his enthusiastic scratching, bummy friends, and by applauding his bodily echoes.

On Valentine's Day, we have to dress up for you girls by wearing nice shoes and the underwear without the yellow stains and stuff. So on Super Bowl Sunday, you should dress how WE want... in a cheerleading outfit.

On Valentine's Day, you want us to buy you sexy undergarments. Well on OUR "Valentine's Day", buy us sexy undergarments like, uh, shoulder pads. That would be cool.

GIRLFRIEND: Hmm, I think my guy would like it if I brush on this erotic body paint. That will be sexy!

HER BOYFRIEND: Oh, honey! That's hot! But you know what would be hotter...

That's what I'm talking about! Super Bowl, baby!

On Valentine's Day, we have to get you a dozen roses. On Super Bowl Sunday, you should also give us a bouquet. One that looks like this:

Now that is a beautiful 12 pack of Budweiser!

I think you girls are starting to catch on!

GIRLFRIEND: I wrote you a little poem. I hope it's not too sappy, but it's how I feel for you. Translated, of course.

This is a scorecard of our love, my honey-sweets...
I promise to be with you through touchdowns and turnovers, slumps and streaks
I've loved you ever since the day you sacked my heart
Our love was real from the beginning, we never got whistled for a False-Start.
Like winning the overtime coin-flip, I feel so lucky...
To have drafted you in the 1st round, thank God you weren't sucky.
You're All-Pro, our life together is a laugher, this game is sealed.
You make me feel like the Head Coach, because never again will I play the field.
You make me so happy, I do the touchdown dance...
And during tonight's 2 minute-drill... you can have me in the 3-point stance.
 

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