I got a hot bim's Bodily Fluids all over me!

by HogWild

Outside a bar here in New York, hot bims said to me and my friend, "Come with us!" I had no idea WHO they were or WHERE we were going but it didn't matter -- I would've followed them to Hell to roast marshmallows. They were HOTTTTT!

I'm focusing on the hot blonde. We're hugging outside and flirting and stuff. She's my blonde angel with the golden halo made of beeeeeeer. Then we get on the subway.

Her drunk little blonde head is on my shoulder. Yeah, I'm big pimpin' with my arm around her -- everyone on the packed subway can see I'M THE MAN. Then she looks up at me with her beautiful blue eyes and PUUUUUUUUKE!

All over her silky black top: chicken, beef, shrimp. Chinese food? And on my pants, too! I was like, "WOMAN! Don't you know these pants are dry clean only!" Okay, I didn't say that, but I thought it REALLY HARD.

Right there I decide, okay I can't take advantage of hot pukey girl. So I will be a 
gentleman and help her home and hopefully she will reward me in the future with hot donkey butt humping.

We get off at 14th St, go to the stairs and PUUUUUUKE! Not more than 2 feet away from a young couple sitting on the stairs. They don't move. Native New Yorkers.

So now we're on the sidewalk outside her dorm. (Yeah, it's like THAT!) But her RD would go ballistic if she came in with vomit all over herself. So I help her shower in the street with bottled water and pizza napkins.

So this hot 20 year old bim with puke all over herself has her arm around me for support 
when I hear, "YO HOG!! WHAT'S UP?!!" It's this guy Mike. A guy who I do stand-up comedy with. He's like, "Oh. YOU GOT IT! YEEEEEEAH!" As he walked away, I was like, "Noooo! It's not what you think! Please don't tell all my friends!"

Hey, this was the hottest chick to EVER puke on me. Because man, I got standards and stuff.  Watch my helpful and hilarious Expert Dating Advice videos!