War on Iraq. Now who is Next on Bush's Hit List?

People are asking me, "Hog, are you for or against the war?"

I’m like, “Duh, I’m FOR it!” You may not agree with me, but at least I have carefully thought out my position. Most people just mimic what they’ve heard.

For instance I asked this bim and she says, “I’m AGAINST the war because BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!! BLAH!! BLAH!!"  ©The Village Voice

Then I asked this nub and he says, “I’m FOR the war because BLAH! BLAH! BLAH BLAH! BLAH!" © Fox News

So at least I have original thoughts about it. I support the war for the following reasons: I like fighting.

In fact, I’m kicking somebody’s ass right now. Sure, she’s elderly, but hey, I didn’t say I was gonna fight fair.

And that’s kind of what we’re doing in Iraq. We picked a fight we know we can easily win. But what’s crazy is that there’s a much bigger threat we should be dealing with first! Freakin’ North Korea!

In Iraq we THINK they may POSSIBLY be THINKING ABOUT STARTING a SMIDGEON of an INKLING of Nuclear Weapons Program. But in North Korea, dude SAID, “I have Nukes. I hate the U.S. I’m pointing them at you right now.”

 But Bush is from Texas so he can only do one thang at a time. Everything in Texas is BIG – especially the mistakes.

I have all sorts of cartoony thoughts running through my mind about this:

I see Bush on horseback in the deserts of Iraq, wearing a cowboy hat. He is pointing to Saddam. He traps an oil refinery tower in his rope lasso.

Bush: “You got ‘til High Noon to get outta this here them town!”

Then I see North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Il pulling up on his horse besides Bush. He makes the ‘slitting your throat’ motion. His horse is wearing Nike sneakers.

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Next I’m picturing Bush, Cheney, Powell, Rumsfeld and Rice in the War Room. 

All are wearing green aprons. In the corner, Ari Fleisher mans a big silver machine that’s making a loud ‘WHIRRR!’ He’s holding a cup filled with hot liquid.

Rumsfeld says to Bush: “Guatemala is limiting their production. They’re a threat to the American® way of life!”

Ari: “A quick and successful strike will boost your approval rating to Grande – maybe even Venti!”

Then Ari sips from his cup.

Meanwhile, Kim is on a big screen TV with the CNN logo. He’s juggling WMD: a nuke, a missile, a bottle of poison gas, and a bowling pin.

Next, Bush speaks from podium on TV:

“Greenland is a threat to global peace! They’ve been lying to the world for centuries! That place is all ice – there’s no green at all!! They can’t be trusted!”

We see US troops storming the icy coast. Penguins surrender with their flippers held up.

But meanwhile…

Kim launches a nuke into the moon. The nuke has an American flag on it but there is a big thumbs-down painted on it.

Then the big showdown…

We are in the Oval Office. Bush points to a map.

Bush: “I don’t like that country right there.”

Powell: “Mr. President, that’s Staten Island.”

Bush: “Staten? Sounds like Satan. Add them to my pinwheel of evil.”

Powell: “Axis.”

Bush: “Did you just call me a name?”

Then Kim wheels a cart with a huge missile right up to the Oval Office’s window! It’s pointing directly at the President!

Kim: “Hey! I’m in your backyard!”

Bush: “Cheese n’ Rice! Okay, what do you want?!!”

Kim: “I want a little attention. Some quality time. We never sit down for talks. You never take me anywhere. I want to go to Geneva or Camp David. You took PUTIN to your ranch in Crawford! What about ME?!”

Bush: “I’m sorry, Kim. I’ve just real busy at work. Real busy. I didn’t mean to neglect you. Here’s some spending money.”

He hands Kim a suitcase marked, “$1 BILLION Economic Aid”

Bush: “Get yourself something nice.”

Kim smiles from ear to ear. His thought bubble shows he will be rockin' black pumps and a Prada bag.

So in conclusion, Bush understands that:

Americans don't need jobs, healthcare or education -- they need primetime entertainment!

Bush speaking at podium: "War will start in precisely 48 hours. That's 9 o'clock Eastern, 8 o'clock Central immediately following Everybody Loves Raymond."

Then you see a fat family crowding the TV to watch the non-stop news coverage of war. The family is eating McBootleg's fast food. They force Freedom Fries into their greasy faces. The word 'hamburger' is crossed out on the sandwich wrapper. Instead it's called "Patriot Meat Patty with Proud to be American Cheese."

And that’s how I see Bush’s idea of Foreign Policy.

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