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Hi Hog,

This guy at school would pick on me. One day I was walking by him to get to my bus and he goes, "Stop." I just rolled my eyes and kept walking.

But after about 3 yells, I finally stop. I give him a look saying, "What do you want?" He goes, "So I've heard you're obsessed with me." I say, "I am NOT obsessed with you." He goes, "That's not what I've heard." And while he was saying it, he kept looking back at his friends.

A few days later my friend passes me a note from him. It says: "I am the kid in the black shirt (back row) I was wondering if I could go out with you. I also like the fact you are a vegetarian, I would let you lick my carrot any day."

After I had my laugh, I go up to the teacher and ask her to go to the bathroom. Well this guy and his friend saw an opportunity and ask to go to the bathroom, too. I'm just about to go into the girls bathroom when they come up behind me and say, "Wanna come
into the bathroom with us?" Of course I told them no.

A few days later, I was standing about 10 feet away from the guy I like and his friend and their little gang when I heard my name. "Dude, I bet [she] is just a push-over in bed. I bet you could hit that right now."

"Man, I bet you could get a bl0w job from [her] while you're going to the bathroom."

Now of course this hurt my feelings, but what also made me mad is that they said it loud enough for all of the outside people to hear, including me! But what made me really mad was this guy's response to his posse's antics, "Dudes, she's a vegetarian... I highly doubt she is any good at sex." I wanted to punch him in the face.

A few more days pass and now when this guy does talk to me, he smiles and he has a weird look in his eye...

- C

Hog's Relationship Advice:

This guy is a TIT! (Typical Immature Teenager!)

#1 - Demand respect.

You sound disgusted. But you're also writing to me. So at least part of you is intrigued by him. If not, you would ignore him until he goes away.

You need a man who has the courage to approach you directly to ask you out. A man who is not afraid of rejection.

That kind of guy is somewhat rare. But amongst teenage guys, it is SUPER RIDICULOUSLY rare. So if you find a boy you like, you need to encourage him to ask you out.

You need to make him feel that you would say yes if he asks you out.

In other words, you are getting him to ask you out.

If you like a guy, and you think he likes you -- but he is being wussy about asking you out... call him out on his wussy behavior.. For example:

YOU: So, I need to know. Do you like me?

TEEN DUDE: What? Um, no! No way!

YOU: Oh, that's too bad. Because I kinda have a crush on you. Oh well. I'll get over it.

TEEN DUDE: Um, wait! I uh, kinda like you.

YOU: Okay... so what are you going to do about it?

TEEN DUDE: Um... do you wanna go out with me some time?

YOU: Maybe. What did you have in mind?

TEEN DUDE: Uh, hmm...

YOU: I like movies.

TEEN DUDE: Oh. Okay. How about we go to the movies?

YOU: Great idea, Teen Dude! When?

TEEN DUDE: How about tonight?

YOU: Oh! You should have asked me earlier! I already have plans for
tonight. How about tomorrow night?

TEEN DUDE: Oh. Okay. Yeah.

If there is a guy you like, you can get him to ask you out by sending him BLATANT SIGNALS that you like him.

Guys are really dumb when it comes to reading signals from girls. And teenage guys are SUPER DUPER REALLY DUMB at this.

When I was a teenager, if a girl liked me, I would never realize it. She would have to look at me. Smile at me. Start talking to me. Laugh at my jokes. Compliment me. And then hire a skywriting plane to spell out the words, "I LIKE YOU!" Then, THEN, I would say to myself... "Hmm... Why did she only write 1 exclamation point? Does she like me? If she REALLY liked me she would've put 3 exclamation points."

So then the girl would hit me over the head with a frying pan and yell at me, "I like you, stupid!!!"

Then I would ask her out.

And then she would say, "No. I don't like you any more."

So if you do like a guy, you need to give him every signal you can so he gets the hint.

- casually mention that you are single - casually mention that you are single... SOOOOO single!
- compliment him - compliment him on his butt
- start conversations with him - start conversations with him about the dream you had last night where he was dressed as a Fireman
- when you talk, touch him gently on the arm - when you talk, touch him gently on the pen!s
- when you see him, smile - when you see him, run at him at full speed then jump up and straddle his face with your crotch

It sounds like this guy's friend is an insecure @$$hole. You might wonder why this guy would hang out with a douche-bag like that. Maybe this guy you like isn't that great. Plus he made a stupid comment that your sexual skills are somehow related to eating vegetables?

He was showing off for his friends. This is typical with teenage guys. But it is disrespectful to you. Don't ever let a dude treat you badly! The people in your life should make you feel BETTER about yourself!

That goes for friends, family, and lovers. If they bring you down then you need to consider cutting them out of your life.

Now I can't condone vegetarianism because I think only Communists don't eat meat. But still, it's your choice. And of course being a Vegetarian has nothing to do with how good you are at sex.

NOTE TO ADULT VEGETARIAN WOMEN: I am conducting a study to test this and you're invited!

NOTE TO SELF: Don't be surprised if you are contacted by 0 adult vegetarian women.

But, if you're a teenager, you're probably NOT good at sex. In fact, you SHOULDN'T be! If you've had enough practice as a teenager to be awesome at sex then something is wrong.

Besides, if a teenage guy had sex with a girl who had amazing skills... he wouldn't even last his usual 1.5 minutes!

No. Teenage boys should want a girl who is bad -- no -- TERRIBLE in bed so they can last longer than your average television commercial.

Don't go out with a boy just because he likes you. You need to have standards. Here is a good list for girls:


* F.E.P. (Future Earning Potential) You don't want a broke-ass boyfriend. F.E.P. depends mainly on the factors of: Hard-working, intelligent, social skills, special talent.

* Doesn't Smell

* He will take care of your physical and emotional needs. He's a good kisser. He gives good hugs. He humps well. He is patient enough to deal with you. He is a good listener. He encourages you and supports your dreams.

* He won't embarrass you.
Girls care a lot about how things look to others. If you're like this, then your boyfriend must also look good to others. You probably don't want a guy who dresses like a slob, picks his nose, and farts like a July 4th firecracker extravaganza.

* He treats you well.
This means different things to different people. It can mean spending time with you, or giving you gifts, or complimenting you, or holding your hand, or doing nice things for you like... spending quality time with you in his Ferrari as he drives you to a romantic getaway where he will hold your hand all weekend and use his other hand to feed you chocolate-dipped strawberries while telling you how perfect you are -- in rhyming iambic pentameter..

NOTE: If you choose that last thing, you are a SHMB. (Super-high-maintenance-b!tch)

So there you have it. Don't settle for TITs! You've already got those! What you want is a Dashing Intelligent Courageous Knight. You know, a DICK!


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Dating Advice Man. Relationship Advice + Twisted Humor. Good Advice from HogWild. Jokes.  HOGWILD.NET  expert dating advice Relationship Advice.