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Hey Hog!

You know that girl I had been after for 4 years and then I finally got her after taking your advice? Well, I think she is the most amazing girl I've ever met. And the weird thing is I actually think I want to marry her.

But at the same time I don't think I am ready for that big of a commitment. I want to show her how I feel so I am thinking about getting her a pre-engagement ring.

But what if she freaks out and leaves me because I want to make a commitment?

Should I give it to her as a token of my feelings for her?

- D in Iowa


Hog's Relationship Advice:

Calm down.
Step AWAY from the jewelry store.

You are very emotional right now. Do not make decisions when you are not in control of your emotions. Feel your emotions. But get them under control.

- his emotions
- the car he is driving
- his bladder

No woman wants to hear you shout, "I was listening to this really funny thing on the radio and it made me laugh so uncontrollably hard that I swerved off the road and crashed! The car would have caught on fire but... it was drenched in my pee!"

Look, you already kind of know it's too early to make such a big commitment because your gut is telling you that she might freak out.

You've been after this girl for a looooooooong time. And now you have her. Good. But... you have not known her that long as a GIRLFRIEND.

You must evaluate her. I know right now she seems 100% perfect. But see how she acts under many different circumstances. See if her love is true. (Although it's also probably way early to be dropping L-bombs anyway.)

No girl is perfect. No girl wants you to THINK she is perfect. That puts too much pressure on her. She has flaws. Find out what they are. If you can accept her flaws (and she can accept yours) then you are good to go!

ACCEPTABLE: When she sings, she makes dogs cry
HARD-TO-ACCEPT: When she smiles, she makes babies cry

ACCEPTABLE: She can't ever be quiet
HARD-TO-ACCEPT: The only time she's quiet is when you make love. Then she's completely silent, lying perfectly still, looking straight ahead with her eyes wide open. That's weird.

ACCEPTABLE: She kisses like a fish
HARD-TO-ACCEPT: She smells like a fish

ACCEPTABLE: She curses too much
HARD-TO-ACCEPT: She curses too much... at your grandmother. C'mon! I mean, really! There's no reason to be swearing in a cemetery!

To rein in your emotions before making a decision takes discipline. Be a man. Be logical.

Yes, you are in touch with your emotions and you have strong feelings for her and that's awesome! However, do not get carried away. A woman must prove herself to you.

Just as a woman will test you to see if you are strong enough for her, as a man, you must watch your girl to see if she really has the qualities you want in a long-term girlfriend.

When you're with a girl for the long-term, you have to consider things more carefully. It's not like when it's a 1-night-girlfriend and you can overlook things, like her face. Or her intelligence. Or her pen!s. Awwwwww! HA HA HA!

NOTE: I'm just kidding! Guys, you should never sleep with a girl who has a pen!s and an ugly face. Have some respect for yourself. The girl can have one or the other! But not both!

Learn your woman's CHARACTER.

Lots of people act way different when they are trying to get something. Then once they have it, they take if for granted. Lots of girls will kiss your ass all day but then once they know they have you "locked-up" they will stop doing these nice things for you.

That is despicable. A relationship is not about getting what you want. It's about giving all you can. Most guys get into a relationship to get what they want -- steady sex. But there needs to be more than that.

- Trust
- Sharing values
- Laughing with each other at least 3 or 4 times per day. I said WITH each other, not AT each other! That's it! I'm pulling up my pants!

Before you propose to a girl it helps to know what the hell marriage is all about. Do some research. Find some super happily married couples. (Good luck! Most married couples are not that happy! Most married couples suck at being married!) Ask the happy couples what marriage is all about.

Who you choose to marry is super important. It will affect your entire life. You are allowing this other person to affect you every day. I hope this person is a good influence! If this other person has drama, now you have drama. If this other person is always grumpy, then guess who has to cheer her up?

On the happy side, if this person is enthusiastic, it will rub off on you. If she's sweet, you can't help but smile.

I know where you are coming from. You are super-excited and you want to give her the world! What a great feeling! Guys, you know have an awesome girl when she inspires you to want to become a better man.

You seem to have this rare type of woman. Congratulations. Now don't f*ck it up.

- By being weak
- By being needy
- By failing to listening to her
- When she says she wants to "try new things in bed" you get a naughty look on your face. Then you switch the pillows to the FOOT of the bed! You exclaim, "It's like we're sleeping upside down!"

There are reasons she is with you. Ask her. And do whatever it takes to stay true to those reasons. Lots of guys get weak. They start to think they can't live without this woman. Then they start kissing her butt. Girls don't like that. They lose respect for you. Once a girl loses respect for you, she's no longer attracted to you. That means no more boinking. Game over.

You want to get her a pre-engagement ring? Pre-engagement rings are g@y. Either you're engaged or you're not. An engagement ring is already a pre-wedding ring. So now we're talking about a pre-pre-ring. Retarded.

I love that you are so passionate about her that you want to show her how strongly you feel.

Show your girlfriend your passion for her in the way you treat her. In the way you surprise her. I once had a girl I felt this way about. One thing I did was to travel 45 minutes to surprise her at work. I called her to come outside. I told her I just HAD to kiss her. And I did. And then I went back home.

There are lots of things you can do. Just don't be a wuss. A woman does not respect a man who gives up all he has for her. You are on an exciting adventure and you are allowing her to come along for the ride. Your woman is not the destination. You must have goals and ambitions. Your woman is your trusted companion. Your woman is not the adventure -- she is what makes the adventure worthwhile.

Why do you need a bigger commitment right now? You haven't been dating that long. What's the rush? She's not even pregnant!

I'll tell you what it is. You are scared she might leave you unless you "lock her in." Marry her before she finds someone "better than you."

Ridiculous. If you're scared, then you already lost.

When I'm with a girl, I KNOW I am the best man for her because when I CHOOSE to love a woman, it is 100%. I know there is no one on Earth who will treat her better. No one who will make her feel more special. No one who will work harder for her.

Yes you can scare her away by seeking a commitment too soon. It depends on where she is emotionally at the time and WHY you want the commitment.

Timing is crucial. You can meet the most amazing girl ever but if she is fresh off a break-up she might be in let's-have-fun-and-boink-the-bartender-mode and not in the right frame of mind to start another serious relationship.

And if you are trying to get her into a relationship because you fear she might run away, then she will lose respect for you. The ONLY reason to commit to someone is because you want to intensify the feelings you already have for each other and take it to the next level of your journey together.

You should never commit out of fear or out of thinking about what you can gain.

In general, I say to wait until the girls pushes you for a bigger commitment. Because girls are obsessed with seeing things move forward. It makes sense because they have a limited number of years to squirt out healthy babies. Take your time moving forward. You'll know when she's ready to make a bigger commitment because she'll drop subtle hints like, "I WANT TO GET MARRIED ALREADY BEFORE MY PUBES GO GRAY!"


NOTE TO SELF: If I ever get gray pubes, I'm going to either color them or wear a little pubic hair toupee. And if I color them it's going to be red, white, and blue. Yeah! A patriotic flag above the flag pole!

So get the hell out of the jewelry store! Get yourself together!

Don't commit out of fear! Commit out of love!

Don't give her jewelry! Give her something else that comes in box. An org@sm!


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Dating Advice Man. Relationship Advice + Twisted Humor. Good Advice from HogWild. Jokes.  HOGWILD.NET  expert dating advice Relationship Advice.