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Hi Hog,

Here are the 3 things I want from my guy and 3 things I don't want and I am hoping you can help me pinpoint where to look for my dream guy. :)

Guy of my dreams
1. hot - has tattoos, great body and cute including personality
2. ambitious - works and earns good money
3. open - talks about his feelings and shows how he feels

Guy from hell
1. ugly - nothing good looking not even personality
2. cheater
3. closed - shuts down and can't communicate

Please help!

- M in the U.K.

Hog's Relationship Advice:

First of all, you're awesome for being one of the few people on planet Earth to actually write out your list.

I always tell people to do this because it helps you focus on what you want. Plus when you start liking somebody, you can look at your list and say, hmm... Am I just drunk with lust? Or does this person actually match up to the things I want?

Let's start with the traits you're looking for with your Dream Guy.

You're looking for a hot guy with a great body, great personality, who makes good money and who is able to communicate his feelings.

You can find this kind of guy modeling underwear, or serving cocktails to older men in San Francisco, or acting in romance films with titles such as: Ass Pirates of the Caribbean, Splatatouille, Trannyformers, The Butt Ultimatum, and Hung Fu Panda.

Hey, you didn't say your Dream Guy had to be straight!

OK, so where can you find a hot guy with a great body with tattoos, makes money and is open with his feelings?

Maybe a professional basketball player?

"Yo girl, we lost the game today. When I missed that jump shot it, made my heart heavy. Heavy like these 2 suitcases full of platinum jewelry that I lift up to work-out my amazing biceps that are covered with sexy tattoos all of which are words that describe my total devotion to you."

Oh, I know a group of guys who fit your description... rock stars. They tend to be in good shape and they express their feelings for a living.

Getting a basketball player or rock star to stay faithful can be a challenge because they have so much opportunity to cheat... so you'll have to offer a lot more than just your looks. They will really have to love you and not just your body.

THINGS YOU HAVE TO OFFER TO RICH & FAMOUS ATHLETES & MUSICIANS BESIDES YOUR GOOD LOOKS THAT THEY CAN'T GET FROM GROUPIES
- home cooked meals
- the promise that you will not secretly poke a tiny hole in all his condoms so you can get pregnant with his baby
- the ability to love him for more than just the superficial things like his money and fame and success. No, YOU love him for his chest muscles.

Nothing says you can't get a basketball player or rock star. You have to put yourself in a position to meet these types of guys.

As a last resort, I'd meet them in their workplace because that's where everyone goes. Begging for a backstage pass or trying to meet them outside the arena is not ideal.

If you are really serious, you can get a job that gives you access to these types of guys. Or just be where they are. Pro basketball players interact with all sorts of people. Find an excuse to be where they are: the fancy restaurant, the nightclub, the sports medicine hospital, the agent's office, the V.I.P. section of the strip club, the Los Angeles County Court Room...

Find out where these guys go when they're hanging out.

No matter WHAT you are looking for, you can find it if you keep your eyes open every day.

Everywhere you go, keep your eyes open for attractive guys. And meet as many of them as possible to figure out if they have the other traits you like.

If you only meet 1 guy per day, then it might take you years to find the guy you want. Although many times we THINK we know what we want but then we are pleasantly surprised!

LIFE'S PLEASANT SURPRISES
- finding someone who's not your usual type but who makes you super happy
- getting TWO fortunes in your fortune cookie! The 1st one says, "You will suffer from food poisoning!" The 2nd one says, "Just kidding!!!"

So for you, I'd say meet as many guys who fit your physical description as possible. Look everywhere: at the gym, on the beach, in the bars, at specialty nutrition shops, motorcycle dealerships, at auditions to play bad guys in Kung Fu movies, and online.

Why not use the online option? You can use a free dating site or a fancy paid one and look through thousands of pictures... then narrow it down.

If you're serious about finding this guy, I'd treat it like it's your job. You could probably find this guy in a month or less if you meet 15 dudes a week who fit your physical description.

Now, I'm not saying 15 DATES per week. In fact, dates are mostly unnecessary. You should be able to figure out if the guy is WORTH more of your time within 10 minutes or so.

As a girl, this should be pretty easy to do if you are somewhat confident, willing to go out and flirt, and if you put your profile online.

When you go out to meet guys, don't be with a girl who is hotter than you. And don't be with a girl who is un-boinkable. You may love your girlfriend, but if she's way out of shape or seriously twisted in the face, a lot of guys won't approach because their wingman won't be willing to occupy your ugly-ass, er, pretty-on-the-inside friend.

When you're talking, it's easy to find out what a guy does for a living. You can ask him where he lives and figure out if he's financially stable enough for you.

SIGNS THAT A GUY MIGHT NOT BE TOTALLY FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT
- When he picks you up to take you out to dinner, he says he needs to first drop something off. Then he unloads the trunk of 12 Santa Claus-sized bags full of recyclable soda cans.
- When you ask, "So what do you do for a living?" He says, "You know... stuff."
- He complains to you, "My landlord won't fix anything in my apartment! Just because I'm a little bit behind on the rent! I paid most of it! In fast food coupons! My landlord is such a jerk! This year I am so not getting her anything for Mother's Day!"

To see if the guy is open with his feelings, get into a conversation about previous relationships.

NOTE: I said CONVERSATION. Not an interrogation! Don't throw questions at the guy like you're a cop and he's a murder suspect!

See why his previous relationships ended. See if he can talk about it or if he closes up. Or talk about emotional things like the death of a grandparent. See if he can handle that.

Finding out whether he's a cheater is more difficult and almost impossible.

Because people act differently in different situations. Not everybody is honest in all aspects of life. Plenty of people would never steal from another person but they would steal from a company.

If a person has cheated in past relationships, that's not a great sign, but it doesn't guarantee they will cheat on you -- and the opposite is true as well.

There is no such thing as loyalty. People act under a simple concept of pleasure and pain.

This is why people are more likely to cheat when they are out of town on business or vacation. Because they are much less likely to get caught. So the pleasure of enjoying a new body outweighs the pain of getting caught because they think they WON'T get caught.

Unless that person is really in love and the pain on their conscience is more powerful than the pleasure on their, uh, passion area.

The most "loyal" guy is a guy with no other options. He's faithful because he has no choice. Same with girls. But you probably don't want a guy like this.

If you have a lot to offer a guy besides your looks, then your guy is less likely to RISK losing you by having a stupid one-night stand with some random hot girl. Because the pain of losing you forever is much greater than the pleasure of gaining one night of sex.

So get out there and keep your eyes open for your guy! He could be anywhere!

Your hunky tattooed man who is in touch with his feelings could be hanging out at the local tattoo parlor or at places that sell t-shirts with no sleeves or on the set of the new movie: "Horton Hears a Homo."

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