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a Expert Dating Advice column by HogWild

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Q61: My girlfriend is graduating from college and I want to know what is an appropriate gift to get her. We've only been going out for a little over a month. I'm thinking of getting her a really nice pen because in her field she's going to be doing a lot of writing. What do you think? - Ralph in Cleveland

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Q62: Summary: Girl has the Hots for Take-charge Guy but doesn't want to take orders. Hot sex. Cold shoulder. What should I do?  Skip to my Expert Dating Advice or read the full question here:

I am feeling you might be a man's, man and I need advice, from that sort of man.

I have had the pleasure of spending my time with the lawyer/ doctor types. But I have been with a man who is different for me. He takes the lead, and I think he wants me to follow. Sort of where he feels he stands 6 feet tall, and I stand under that. 

Example...
- Just woke up, so I can't talk to him.
- Is in a mood, so I can't talk to him.
- Wants me in the room, but seen and not heard.
- Wants me with him all the time, but on his terms.

His family loves me, his friends want me, but he only wants me when its on his time table...what's up with that ? 

We are two different types... I wear pearls, he wears boots. But it works, the fireworks go off before I enter the room, or before he enters the room. Which is another thing, I am always walking behind him. I even put my foot out to trip him once, and then walked by saying, "Women go first into a room, anything else is rude." He thought that was funny, but my face didn't think it was funny. No smile on me. 

I left his cabin, yep it's the cabin-in-the-woods thing. He didn't like it. I left because I felt unwanted. So now, I sit in this house waiting for him to call . I won't call him because... I am 6 feet tall and he is under that.

Still, he really does it for me, and I want to be in that damn cabin tonight. I think I need to stand up against him, hold my ground. But I think he is better at putting me where he wants me, then I am at putting him where I want him.

Oh men make me nuts, tell me what to do. BUT I still want to walk around with my head up, not stuck in his butt. 

Thanks,
T

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Q61: My girlfriend is graduating from college and I want to know what is an appropriate gift to get her. We've only been going out for a little over a month. I'm thinking of getting her a really nice pen because in her field she's going to be doing a lot of writing. What do you think? - Ralph in Cleveland

Wow. A nice pen. That's actually a REALLY great gift to give her -- if you were her UNCLE!!! Or her brother, or her cousin, or her accountant. What the hell is wrong with you?

You're humping this girl! Do you want to CONTINUE humping this girl? Then don't give her a pen! Be romantic! You're her freakin' boyfriend, not her dentist! I mean, why don't you get her a savings bond, GRANDMA?!

Why on God's polluted Earth would you get her a pen? Maybe it's so she'll remember you every time she does something boring.

C'mon, man! You gotta be romantic. There's a REASON, you've never seen a Valentine's Day sale at OFFICE MAX! "Hey sweet heart, I want you to have this very special pen and some ink cartridges."

"Congratulations on your graduation. Here's a pen and a firm handshake."

No. NO. NO! Dude, a pen? Slow down, big boy. A pen? You've only been going together a month, maybe start out with some nice smelling pink highlighters.

Don't be a dorkus morawkus. Flowers. Candy. Dinner. Proven. Writing implements? Paper clips? Paper weights? NOT proven. 

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Q62: Summary: Girl has the Hots for Take-charge Guy but doesn't want to take orders. Hot sex. Cold shoulder. What should I do? 

I hate when people answer their own question because it doesn't give me anything to do. You said you want to walk around your with head up. But he makes you bow your head in subservience. The End.

Ultimately, we want to FEEL GOOD. That's why I eat ice cream. And BBQ wings. But not together because then I would feel like throwing up. We get with our partners because they make us FEEL GOOD. 

Men like hot women because they make us feel like we're THE MAN. Walking down the street with an attractive girl is a great feeling. You're a pimp if your bim is better looking than you, taller than you, or if she's a molecular biologist working for the government and you're just a simple transaction engineer at Wal-Mart

Some guys find they can't handle a hot bim because every other nub is looking at their girl. Then they feel insecure. That's a bad feeling. So they dump the girl. Girls want a guy who makes her feel special. Some girls feel special if a guy is "taking care" of her. You don't. You are independent-minded. 

Sex is powerful. A wise person once said, "When the sex is great, it's 10% of the relationship. When the sex is bad, it's 90%." Make a decision. Do you want 10% of a relationship or 100%?
The two of you want different things. He feels good when he's got a woman "in line" or as the immortal Sir Mickelangelo Jagger of the Rolling Stones sings, "Under My Thumb." But that makes you feel bad. Or else you wouldn't be writing me this letter; you would be in Happy Land following his orders saying "Yes Massa, I will fetch yo' slippahs. May I clean the turd streaks from your skivvies now?" If you don't want that, then leave. 

Unless you are really old and really fat and will be alone your whole life feeding stale bread to pigeons in the park shouting at statues of George Washington. 

Otherwise, go shopping for a new man!

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