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a Expert Dating Advice column by HogWild

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Go Back Jack and stay off the crackGo Back to Archive

Q65:  I loved your answers to other questions and I think that they were
right on and humorous, so I am bending over and sending my question to
you.

Never been lucky or good in relationships, I have had plenty of them but
they never seem to go anywhere.

Either the sex sucked, they were too old, or they were unreliable.

I am dating a man now, who I really like. We are not dating other
people
, but that's not to say that I wouldn't if a certain something-
something
came along that I wanted to snatch up.

He does many things right, he's funny, he calls when he says he will,
worships me and my temple, takes me out for a good time, and is
committed.

But here's my real problem, thinking of giving him the boot because I
think he drinks too much. For instance sometimes it affects his ability
to get up in the morning for work, or he'll buy a can of beer for the
car ride home.

I believe he has an addictive personality, also likes poker, should I
take a chance with him?
I have lived my 37 years untouched by men who
have drug and alcohol problems, and I am not about to start now.

Unsure if this is truly a problem or if I am just PMSing? Thanks Hog.

- Maewest in the Bronx, NYC

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Q65:  You said it all, baby-doll. You are not all-about this nub. You said
you'd drop this dude like a NYC Subway Rat drops turds if someone else
came along... hmm.

Do you wanna "settle" for this guy?
Nothin' wrong with settling!

Sometimes we're just lazy. I mean, finding a guy who makes you happy is
hard work! It's soooo much easier to settle for a guy who makes you feel
"not bad." PRETTY good.
NOT horrible. Fair.

Isn't that every girl's fantasy?

Prince Kinda-Charming?

Maybe he's not a Knight in Shining Armor but he's a Delivery Man in
Brown Shorts.
That's okay! I mean, MY shorts are brown and I DON'T have
a uniform! Not a Knight in Shining Armor? Still can be a great man. Just
don't let him be like me: A Jester in need of a shower.

He's got a lot of great qualities BUT... you don't like that he drinks
so much. That's a big one.

Let's say you were gonna buy a doggy. Great doggy. Cute. Cuddly. Loyal.
Poops in your bed.
Every day.

Hmm. Do you want to overlook this guy pooping in your bed?

You sound confident. You can get a new man. You're right: alcoholic
gamblers don't make the best boyfriends.
Doesn't mean he's not a nice
guy. He's just got some problems. Like when he's suckling your cans he's
fantasizing that they're BEER cans.

For a romantic night out, he takes you to Central Park for a Horse & Carriage Ride -- and places bets on whether the horse will Win, Place or Show. Stooooooopid.

Whenever there's something you don't like about a person (or a situation
for that matter) you have 4 choices:

1. change the person
2. accept the person
3. leave the person
4. complain


HINT: Choice 1 never works. How do you change someone? You can't. They have to change themselves. This CAN happen. But YOU can't make it
happen. Isn't that frustrating? Because I'm sure you know just how to
run this guy's life! Ya know, since YOU'VE got it all together.

We're all like that. Me, too. I'm here telling you what you should do,
meanwhile I really need a nose-hair trim. Maewest, you're asking for advice
from a guy with very long nose hairs.

Change? It's up to the other person.

With girls, they NAG their man until it gets to the point where --
rather than come home to YOU -- he'd prefer to dip his testicles in
cat-nip and sleep naked in a cage with 12 tigers.
 


With guys, they criticize their woman until her self-esteem is lower
than the morals of Michael Jackson's defense attorney.

If your man is drinking & driving and missing work because he's drunk,
you're not gonna change that with your strategic nagging. The guy is a
drinker:

You're waking up to Folgers in your cup. He's waking up to
Vodka and Red Bull. And a bowl of Lucky Charms, looking to score 3 Green Clovers on his spoon and yell JACKPOT! And and glass of orange juice, for a well-balanced breakfast. Oops. That's not O.J. It's a Screwdriver.

Choice 2. Accept him. A lot of times, this is right way to go. Accept
another human's imperfections. Accept your own imperfections. But
it is
as obvious as the ass on J.Lo

that you don't want to accept this behavior. You consider it UNacceptable. You don't want to live this way.

Choice 4. This is a very popular choice among women. It's also very
annoying to listen to.

So that leaves us with...?

This is not the nub for you.

Okay, that's done.
Now for the real issue. You want a guy to worship you and "your temple"???! What? A guy SHOULD treat you like a princess. But worship? What do you want? Animal sacrifices? Fine, but don't complain when you come home to 200 flickering red candles and your kitten is tied to the frying pan over a flame on the stove.

Worship your Temple? Us nubs LOVE the Temple. We enjoy the services. We want to go the Temple every day. We wanna pray more than Muslims in the Middle East. But you want a guy to WORSHIP your Temple? Go into your
Temple and clean the carpet? I guess that's your thing. Okay cool. But
when guys are worshipping your Temple you'll get a bad rep if you pass around a collection plate!

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