I'm 23 yrs old, I've been with the
same guy 8 years. We have a 5 year old daughter together. My
problem is... we do not get along with each other. We always fight. He
drives me f*ckin' crazy. I get so mad sometimes that I tell him I want him to
leave, but he never will. And I don't know if I want him to leave.
WTF is wrong with me? Why can't we get along
for the sake of our daughter?
He blames all our problems on me. Says the
reason he has not been a success in his life is because of me. He says I don't
stand behind his dreams, that's why he has failed. Now not one time has he
showed any interest in my dreams, so why the hell should I show interest in
his??
Please help me!! I'm getting to where I cant
stand to hear his voice. I hate feeling like this.
Wendi
HOGWILD.NET expert dating advice every day
Hog's Relationship Advice:
Dating 8 years! And you're only 23. So
by my calculations, you starting dating this guy in 4th grade.
I know a lot of girls in 4th grade like to play house and say that they
will marry a certain boy -- but you actually DID!
How did he introduce himself to you? By pulling your hair?
HA HA HA!!
Did you fall in love with him because he had the most candy?
"Is that a Snickers Bar in your pants, or are you happy to see me?"
Arguing is not good. I used to think it was normal.
Because my parents always argued. They would scream at each other. And I
thought, "Aaaaw! They are so in love!"
No. This is not right.
You should be snuggling, not screaming. (Except
during sex. (And not because his knee is in your ribs.))
The most important thing here is your daughter. She needs to feel loved
by both of you.
And she needs dolls. And maybe a puppy. This is what girls need. Love, dolls,
and puppies.
If she is around fighting and arguing all the time, she might feel like it is
her fault - even if it has nothing to do with her.
It is possible for a child's parents to not live together, but still make the
child feel loved. Maybe this is the answer for you two.
Wendi, you are like Israel. Your man is like Palestine. And your
daughter
is Jerusalem. You both love Jerusalem. But your fighting is destroying
it.
(Wow. I can't believe I got all political there. I feel all smart
now. Now let me watch some American Idol to dumb myself down a bit.)
You and your man should get along for the sake of yourselves. Everyone deserves
to be happy. If you're not happy, then something needs to change.
THINGS THAT NEED TO CHANGE
#1 - He is being a pussy. You can't blame your problems on
somebody else. That doesn't get you anywhere. That's like when professional
athletes blame everybody else for the team's suckiness.
#2- He is frustrated. He is taking it out on you. Not
cool. He needs to get out his frustrations by
a - working to fix what bothers him b - increasing the intensity of his masturbation sessions
or c - smoking a fattie.
#3 - You SHOULD stand behind his dreams. And he should stand behind
yours. No question about that.
#4 - Work to get along. Yes, work at it. It takes work. I had to learn
how to do it. I had no idea. Read this book: How to Win Friends and Influence
People by Dale Carnegie. Apply it to your relationship.
#5 - The New York Mets need to acquire some starting pitching.
This has nothing to do with you, Wendi. But it still something important that
needs to change.
Do you guys WANT to get along?
Seriously. You're probably addicted to the adrenaline rush of yelling and
arguing. You get hype. Your home is like a boxing ring. As soon as he gets
home... DING! Round 1.
Stop arguing. Start accepting. You will not change HIM -- only YOUR attitude
ABOUT him.
Stop thinking: I hate that he gets
pee around the toilet bowl.
Start thinking: He get 92%
of his pee into the bowl. 92%! In my grading system, that's the Honor
Roll.
Accept that:
1 - He is frustrated with himself and upset with his life 2 - He can not name 3 Senators, but can name 15 porn stars whose
names begin with the letter K
Show appreciation. Praise each other.
If he looks good, tell him! And don't be sarcastic!
Don't say, "You look a lot less dumpy today."
Even if he is mean, be nice. It will start to rub off on him.
Now... if you have nothing you can appreciate about him, or if you can
not respect him, it is time to leave.
If your home was on fire, you would leave to protect your child. You
would not worry that you have no home... you will find a new one.
Your home IS on fire. Anger is flaming, the thick
black smoke of resentment is choking your daughter's childhood. Put out the
fire. Or get the hell out.
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