Dating Advice Man: How do I get my boyfriend back interested in me after I treated him like crap? Dating Advice + Twisted Humor

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Hi Hog,

When I first started dating this guy -- who I now live with -- I was just not sure that I wanted this. I was still getting over someone, and frankly, I did not find him that handsome.

However he was so great to me. He treated me like a princess. I loved the attention, but did not love him. When we went out in public, I didn't want him to hold my hand or show any kind of PDA.

And if I had too many drinks I would say the worst things to him. Well needless to say, we moved in together.

HOG'S NOTE: WTF?! :)

He stopped being close, he stopped emailing, calling and we even stopped sleeping together as much. Now that time has passed we hardly get along. We fight all the time and he tells me it's me fighting for little things... like what? Why don't you hold me? Kiss me?

Now he is bringing back everything I said and did and just can't forgive me... even though I've apologized over and over... I really did finally fall in love with him from the inside and the outside, but now it's too late. What can I do to get back that guy I treated so wrongly? Or did I just screw up?

- K

Hog's Relationship Advice:

Wow! What a reversal! You two are playing emotional tug-of-war and you were winning the entire time, but this guy didn't give in and NOW he has you on the edge of slipping into the giant mud pit that the Phi Delts peed in last night.

1st, congratulations to your boyfriend for being a persistent motherf*cker! Even though you were treating him like doody, he was up to the challenge.

2nd, negative-congratulations to your boyfriend for being bitter about it!

How can you get him back?

The same way you got him in the 1st place. By not wanting him.

It seems like 97% of the time, people want what they can't have. At first, he couldn't have you. Sure, you agreed to date him, but he could tell your heart wasn't into it. This was the challenge. He wanted to win your heart!

And once he did... game over. He loses interest.

As for you... when he was all over you and treating you like a princess, were you attracted to him? Nope.

"Stop treating me like a princess!"

But now that he is losing interest... You're like, "WOW! This dude is hot! I NEED him!!!"

I'm not making fun of you, I've lived this same scenario over and over. Even when I KNOW it's the reason, it's still hard to resist chasing a girl who isn't all that interested in me. It's like this...

I love sandwiches.

Winnie wants to make me a sandwich. Betty wants to make me a sandwich. But Priscilla doesn't. Why not, Priscilla? Why not?!!!! Priscilla, please make me a sandwich!!! I'll do anything! I love you!!!

Priscilla finally makes me a sandwich.

Thanks, Priscilla. That was the BEST sandwich ever!

Fast-forward 3 months.

Priscilla: Do you want a sandwich, honey?

Me: Enough with the sandwiches! I'm leaving!

As humans, we confuse the excitement of the chase with real love. I highly recommend that all humans read this book: The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. (No perverts, it's not a sex book! I have a different recommendation for that! :) )

Although this book has no illustrations (I hate that!) it really explains what true love is all about. What it really means to love someone...

From the book:

"Infantile love follows the principle: 'I love because I am loved.'
Mature love follows the principle: 'I am loved because I love.'
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.' "

And HogWild love says: 'I love BBQ chicken wings and cheese doodles.'

And boobies.

What you need to do is STOP.

Now THINK, do you REALLY love this man? Do you WANT to give to him?

If he can drop his current attitude, he sounds like a good guy. He makes you feel good.

But you have to accept him for who he is. You can't be ashamed of his appearance. Either you accept his looks or you leave. And he has to accept you for you or he has to leave. Because neither of you can expect to change each other.

It's hard enough for us to change ourselves.

"He stopped being close, he stopped emailing, calling and we even stopped sleeping together as much."

Sounds to me like you're ready to be married! HA HA HA!

When people move-in together, all of the mystery dies. You need to be careful to give each other enough personal space. It's not natural to spend all your time with each other. Too much time together will breed contempt like bunny rabbits breed, uh, baby bunny rabbits.

This is why I am a strong advocate of getting married... but not living together.

Seriously, if you really love someone, you will not force them to live with you. Sure, you can see each other every night IF YOU CHOOSE. But sometimes you need a night off from each other. To m@sturbate. Or hang out with your friends. Or m@sturbate.

So IF this man truly inspires you to love... and it's not a case of you-want-what-you-can't-have, then start being really busy. Make him chase YOU. Didn't this work the 1st time around?

After that, maybe you guys can have a conversation about Love vs. Adrenaline. Chasing is fun. But what happens once it's done?

Can you guys go from being hunters to being farmers who cultivate each others' growth until you are both tall sunflowers in a field of... man, this is smelling like a pile of fertilizer!

Sort out your feelings. Right now you are feeling guilt and loss.

Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins is great at showing how to deal with emotions. I will paraphrase and add my own HogWildness.

You treated him poorly, so you feel guilty. Why? Because you have a very high standard for yourself of how you think you should treat people. The only way to feel un-guilty is to -- RIGHT NOW -- promise yourself that you will NEVER break your standard again. It was a mistake. We're human. We mess up. It's okay. It won't happen again.

Guilt is maybe the MOST powerful emotion, in that it calls us to action. This is one reason that girls will mess around with a guy who buys them drinks and dinner. Because she feels guilty that she has accepted these gifts but has not given him a gift back.

The lesson? Never accept gifts unless you are prepared for oral s*x!

People feel guilty when they break their highest standards. This would be the reason that I have no standards. Nice work-around, ay?

You are also feeling LOSS. You had this great dude and now he is slipping away.

NOTE: When something is slippery, if you grab tighter it will slip away faster. But if you dry it out, it will fly back to you like a caged bird who sings.

NOTE: What the hell am I talking about?

For your feeling of loss: Did your man really mean to hurt you? Or is HE feeling hurt? TALK to him. Ask him what's really happening.

Stop apologizing. You did that already. Now he has to accept or move on. The choice is his.

Ultimately, if he wants to leave, he will. And ultimately, you will be okay and you'll find someone new. Really! Or you'll go back to your ex-boyfriend and live miserably ever after. But I'm sure it will work out this time. Really!

NOTE: My 1st "really " was sincere. My 2nd "really" was sarcastic.

Okay, the final breakdown. Your conversation with your man:

YOU: I know I was a super-mean-b!tch to you. I'm sorry. I was confused. I didn't appreciate you. But now I do. I realize how wonderful you are. I love you. I want to be with you. I understand if you can never forgive me. If you want out, that's your choice. I will respect it.

HIM: Yeah! You treated me like crap!

YOU: You're absolutely right.

HIM: Well, I guess things are different now.

YOU: But you're right, I was a total super-mean-b!tch.

HIM: I just don't want you to go back to acting that way.

YOU: Me neither. I made a promise to myself that I would never act that way again. It was awful. I'm better than that. Somehow you saw through my super-mean-b!tchiness and saw the real me. I can't thank you enough for that.

HIM: I'm sorry that I've been a super-mean-jerk to you lately.

YOU: It's okay. I just want to be with you.

HIM: So...

YOU: Let's share a sandwich.

HIM: I'll get the peanut butter!

YOU: I don't think you're ready for this jelly!

HIM: Oh yes I am!!!

Then you two bang.

Oh okay, I'm sorry! You two light some romantic scented candles then go into the bedroom to make bang.

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