Dating Advice Man: My jealous sister ruined my relationship! Dating Advice + Twisted Humor

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Hi Hog,

This guy told me that he loved me but then my sister wanted him, too. She has his number and sent him like 40 text messages telling him that he is hot and how she liked him.

The only problem is is that she said that it was me writing those things!!!

Well now he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because of her. She figures that if she can't have him, neither can I. What should I do?

- N

Hog's Relationship Advice:

2 things.

1st: Bitch-slap your sister in the face with a super hot bag of buttery microwave popcorn.

2nd: Call the dude and calmly explain to him that your sister is a psychopath. Apologize for her behavior.

If this guy REALLY loves you and KNOWS you... then he should know that is not like you to act like he THINKS you did.

If this guy really cares about you, he will hear the pain in your voice when you tell him how your sister betrayed you. And he will be there for you.

Now for your sister...

Let's have some fun.

1 - Identify the biggest dork she knows. You know, the fat smelly dude with the greasy hair who with an unidentified stain on his tan Dockers.

Now mail that dork one of her unwashed panties for him to smell and treasure. Write a note to the dork (from your sister) that you want him... BAD!

But you like to play hard-to-get. So tell him to ignore you when you say you're not interested. It really means you ARE interested!

2 - In her name, write a letter to your local courthouse requesting jury duty.

3 - Delete all of the songs on her iPod and replace them with songs from the smash hit Time-Life CD "1970s German Heavy Metal!"

4 - Hack into her MySpace and change her quote to say, "I suffer from raging butt-acne."

Okay really...

Ask your sister, "Why did you act out this way?"

Everyone feels justified in what they do. She has some reason (as stupid as it might be) then she feels it was okay for her to do that to you.

The best revenge is actually for you to be super nice to her so she feels like a douche-bag.

Calmly ask her what's wrong. Sincerely find out why she did it. Tell her she is better than that. You know she is a good person so there must be a good reason that she felt she should do that.

Tell her she is pretty and she will find her own man. That there is no need to sabotage others.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Keep a straight face while saying this.

If this kind of rational and calm talk doesn't work you can always heat up a big bag of buttery microwave popcorn.

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