Dating Advice Man: Is he using the Internet to Cheat on me? Dating Advice + Twisted Humor

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Hi Hog,

I got home from work last night and I was trying to find a web site I was at the other day, so I went into the "history" part of the computer and found that my husband signed up for adultfriendfinder.com and alt.com. Is he thinking about cheating on me? Has he already? I don't know what to do or how to approach the situation. I just know that my heart hit the floor when I saw the profiles! What do I do??

- S

Hog's Relationship Advice:

For those who don't know... adultfriendfinder is a site where you sign up to find, uh, friends who are adults and who enjoy VERY friendly adult activities. You know, like baseball. And bopping. And baseball!

Alt.com I've never heard of... but it looks to be a hook-up site for people into bondage.

Now, are you sure he's signed up for these sites, or was he just looking at them?

Because sometimes when you're minding your own business, surfing the web for your usual interracialanalasianmidget p*rn... those type of sites just pop up as advertisements.

Or he could just be curious and he's poking around. But it doesn't necessarily mean he's "poking around."

Or he could be posing as a cheating-bastard-husband for an undercover investigation for his secret 2nd job as a researcher for The New York Times.

Or maybe his friends were over and THEY used his computer to check out MeetRealM!LFsF!STINGM!LFs.com

Look, you need to have TRUST. Without trust you have nothing. YOU NEED to have TRUST! All you need is TRUST! And his email password.

Back to your question: Is he thinking about cheating or has he already?

Um, probably both. Definitely the 1st part.

All guys THINK about cheating. When we don't cheat it is because of 1 of the following:

1 - We can't find a partner to act on our devious desires
2 - We think of how hurt you will be if you find out
3 - We are scared that you will find out and we'll lose you
4 - The Paparazzi are all up in our business!
5 - Our pen!s is broken

See, girls have no self control when it comes to shopping. While guys have no self control when it comes to sex.

So don't get mad at us. You know how you see a new beautiful pair of black pumps you just HAVE to have... well, we see new beautiful pairs all the time, too... and we just HAVE to have them!

And you know how sometimes you even try them on... but won't buy them?

But it's fun to walk around in them in the store? We do the same thing.

And sometimes us guys BUY the shoes... then we get the credit card bill and we're like, "What did we do? We can't afford this. We don't NEED this! I'm perfectly happy with what's already in my closet."

Now we feel bad and we have to pay off this debt to you for the rest of our lives.

So how do you approach this situation?

Carefully.

What is your goal? Do you want the truth? Do you want to stay together? Do you want to punish him? All of the above?

Well if you accuse somebody, usually they get defensive and lie.

What you need here is EVIDENCE.

1 - Check the calls on his cell phone bill.
2 - Secretly follow him around.
3 - Read his email.
4 - Smell his pen!s.

Guys are very dumb. He will mess up and you will catch him.

But if you want to try COMMUNICATING... be upfront and gentle WITHOUT accusing.

YOU: Hi husband that I cherish and love! I just finished washing all of the racing stripes out of your underwear. But I don't mind sacrificing like that because I love you and would never want to lose you. Anyway... I need to know something... I was using the computer and this web site dedicated to finding a secret lover popped up. It made me really scared. Are you looking for someone else?

HIM: What? Why did you barge into the bathroom when you know I'm taking a dump?

NOTE: Wait for an appropriate time to talk.

HINT: An appropriate time = any time he's NOT doing 1 of the following: sleeping, dumping, or performing his daily test of the Erect!on Alert System.

YOU: So this web site adultfriendfinder popped up... what's that all about?

Now it's up to you to decide if you trust your man or you don't. Without evidence all you have are hunches.

Here's a good test. See if he has a profile up on it... that would be a pretty certain clue.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS AN EEEEEEE-VIL GENIUS IDEA... PROCEED AT YOUR OWN EEEEEEEE-VILNESS.

If he's on MySpace, create a fake profile with a hot chick as the picture. Make her live in your town. Flirt with him. See how far it goes. Will he agree to meet you?

Overall... is your man happy with the sex? Sounds like he might be into some kind of kinky stuff with leather and ropes and small bursts of electricity.

Are you filling his need for this? Because if you don't, he WILL go elsewhere for it.

Just like YOU will go elsewhere if he is not giving you what YOU want! Like fidelity! If you WANT a man who is honest and not a cheater... and he can't give that to you... you will go elsewhere for it.

I'm not excusing your man's behavior, I'm trying to help you make sense of it. You have to decide how you want to react. Mostly it depends on if you want to stay with him or not.

Before you make your decision, I think it's to your advantage to find out WHY he did what he did -- IF he did anything at all. That way you can have an understanding and have all of the information before making your decision.

Because wouldn't it be embarrassing to accuse him of something, tell everyone about it, then invade his personal space only to find... NOTHING?

NOTE: Oops. That last statement had nothing to do with your problem. I was talking about the war in Iraq.

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