I was chatting up this lass. (British slang for flirting with a chick.) She was telling me how different her country's slang is from our American slang. For instance, at work, she had to make a phone call to a man. She tells her boss, "I'm sorry, but he's engaged."

This lead to some confusion. "Engaged" just means that the man wasn't picking up the phone because he was on the other line. His phone line is engaged.

Weird!

Here are some other wacky British slang terms:

* “To knock you up” means to wake you up by knocking on the door.

* To "diddle" means to cheat someone.

* A "fag" is a cigarette.

* When the British are surprised or shocked they exclaim, "Blow me!"

* "Slap and tickle" means having sex.

* And courage is "a lotta bottle." From drinking alcohol from a bottle.

* And to them a real jerk is called a "wanker."

I can imagine a conversation at the front desk of a bed and breakfast in England:

CLERK: Tomorrow morning, would you like me to knock you up?

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: Are you serious?

CLERK: I wouldn’t diddle you!

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: Then how will you knock me up?

CLERK: Quite easily! And if I can’t do it, then I’ll get me mate to do it.

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: Oh… you’re one of those.

CLERK: One of those what? Oh, it’s me break. I’m going out to smoke a fag.

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: That’s disgusting!

CLERK: Oh, I know. Bad habit really. Ah, here’s Ben. He will take care of you.

BEN: So do you want me to knock you up in the morning?

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: You English men are so forward! So did you just come back from smoking a fag?

BEN: Certainly not! Bloody nasty, if you ask me. What time shall I knock you up?

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: What makes you think you can just have sex with me?

BEN: Blow me!!!

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: Oh, I don’t do that.

BEN: You want the old slap and tickle? There’ll be a whole lot more slappin’ than ticklin’, that’s for sure! Sex with you? Whoa! That would take a whole lotta bottle!

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: So you’re well endowed?

CLERK: Oh, Ben’s a huuuuuge wanker!

BEN: This is just smashing.

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: It’d better not be just smashing. You’re gonna be my baby daddy!

BEN (rolling eyes): Bloody smashing!

UNATTRACTIVE AMERICAN FEMALE GUEST: Bloody? How big is your wanker?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww!!! HA HA HA!