Remember Clifford the Big Red Dog? Looking back at those books, I've noticed that he is not the same size throughout the book.

On page 12, he's the size of a house. But on page 13, he's only the size of a car. I know what’s going on here... Clifford is a metaphor... for my penis.

Let’s say you're drowning in the ocean. I can unzip and throw it out to you like a lifeline.

Or maybe there is a deadly meteor hurtling towards earth... have no fear... I used to play baseball!

Or like, if an apartment building was on fire, and there was a mother with her baby trapped on the top floor... have no fear! My meat ladder is here!

(unzip)

Uh-oh.

Just a minute!

Hmm. Arg! Trying to get it up! Starting to sweat! Spit on hand…

Just a moment!!!

Maybe if I play with my balls… relax, relax…

Dammit! I knew I shouldn’t have had so much to drink! Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

You guys stay right there! I'll be back after I take a short nap. I promise, in the morning, I'll save the shit out of you!