Q: What is iPhone?
A: iPhone is a new revolutionary phone that will change everything!

Q: So, you're saying that girls will now be interested in me instead of being repulsed?
A: Apple is committed to helping you score. iPhone is capable of calling a wide variety of dating services and 900 sex lines.

Q: But any old phone can do that!
A: Only the iPhone allows you to cycle through dirty pictures while talking with the sex phone operator. And most important, iPhone is the only phone with a touch-screen. HINT: The touch-screen can be activated with the use of ANY finger-like appendage.

Q: What are you getting at?
A: Please call technical support for help with this issue. Press 2 for “Birds and the Bees.”

Q: What are the iPhone’s system requirements?
A: Mac OS X v10.4.10 or Windows XP, iTunes 7.3, USB 2.0 port, and a burning desire to fill the emptiness you feel inside with a very expensive gadget instead of spiritual enlightenment.

Q: I heard that the Internet is really slow on the iPhone. Is that true?
A: iPhone! iPhone! iPhone!

Q: Some say iPhone isn't even as good as cheaper phones on the market because it lacks common handheld features such as voice dialing, voice recording, instant messaging, memory card slots, and A2DP.
A: Here at Apple, we've decided that those particular features and users who request them... are stupid. Because you asked that question, you may no longer purchase an iPhone. You're off the list!

Q: While iPhone is WiFi compatible, I understand that it does not support 3G. Isn't that a major setback?
A: iPhone! iPhone! iPhone!

Q: There's this girl in my class that I have the biggest crush on. I think she sees me as just a friend, can iPhone help me?
A: Yes! If one thing is guaranteed, girls are always impressed by the latest electronic gadgets.

Q: Can I use my iPhone underwater?
A: Yes, you can! SHOULD you? Yes! Simply purchase a new iPhone when you are done.

Q: The iPhone looks really great, but I don't want to sign a 2-year contract with AT&T. Do I have to?
A: iPhone is like sex: Everyone agrees it's great! AT&T is like the bad relationship you endure because the sex is so phenomenal!

Q: I already own an iPod and a cell phone. Why do I need to spend another $500-$600 on an iPhone?
A: In 1984, you already owned a calculator and an Atari 2600 but you still purchased a personal computer. In 1988, you owned a television and a toilet but you still signed up for cable TV. And remember in 1999 when
you had a girlfriend and also a mother, but you still decided to get married? It's like that.

Q: Does the iPhone have an energy-saving mode when I'm not using it?
A: iPhone! iPhone! iPhone!

Q: I miss my grandma so much, can iPhone raise the dead?
A: Here at Apple, we are sorry for your loss. While the iPhone cannot help you speak with the dead, everyone you talk to will SOUND as if they are speaking from 6 feet underground thanks to our AT&T service.

Q: Life seems so meaningless. I don't really have the will to live any more. Should I kill myself?
A: Just hang on a little longer and next year we'll release iPhones in fresh candy-colors! Eh? Eh?

Q: What is the resolution of the iPhone screen?
A: The resolution is 480 pixels of AWESOME by 320 pixels of HOLY CRAP!

Q: Are you drunk?
A: iPhone! iPhone! iPhone!

Q: The doctors diagnosed me with lymphoma and the chemotherapy has really taken its toll. What if I just stopped chemo and relied on my iPhone for treatment?
A: Here at Apple, we are sorry for your illness. But let's face facts, you probably won't make it. So why not enjoy your last few months as much as you can? Go to http://store.apple.com and buy everything. Use the coupon code: "RIP" to receive a 2% discount!

NOTE: If you expire before the end of your 2 year AT&T contract, you are subject to an “early termination” fee.

Q: Are you honestly making fun of me because I’m dying of cancer?
A: iPhone! iPhone! iPhone!