Once upon a time, I had this girlfriend. And we were in love. She wanted to get married. But I was 1000% against that kind of commitment.

So I take her on an island vacation. The pilot announces that we are lost in the Bermuda Triangle. He tells us very bluntly that we may not make it. We are losing fuel. We are coasting and we will crash into the ocean. The oxygen masks drop.

Everyone is trying to remain calm but panic is wrinkling their faces.

MY GIRL: We might not make it. I noticed that the man in front of us is a minister. We should get married before we die.

I grab the oxygen mask.

MY GIRL: I'm serious!

ME: How can you think of marriage at a time like this?! Let's skip to "honeymoon activities" in the lavatory.

MY GIRL: We're getting married!

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Oh my God, that's so sweet! I think that's a wonderful idea. We'll upgrade you to first class.

ME: First Class, huh?

Everyone on the plane gets behind this idea. It helps distract them from our slow, inevitable descent into the ocean so they can focus on something positive.

MINISTER: Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

MY GIRL: I do!

MINISTER: And do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

ME: Yaaaaaaawn!

MINISTER: I said, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

ME: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

MY GIRL: What are you doing?!

ME: My ears are popping from the air pressure! What was the question?

I start thinking, "Where is the nearest emergency exit?"

After getting hit hard in the ribs, I finally say, "I do." Everyone on the plane is clapping.

Now, I'm Jewish. This is the part where I'm supposed to stomp on a piece of glass. But there's no glass allowed on planes, so I stomp on a plastic cup.

The Arab guy sitting next to me (who everyone was staring at) looks me over and says, "Mazel Tov!"

Over the airplane speaker system they play our song. It's the Mary J. Blige song, "I'm Going Down." Appropriate. But not worse than the in-flight movie which was The Wedding Crashers.

Everyone on the plane is dancing and enjoying our last minutes on Earth when the pilot announces that he sees land! He is going to attempt an emergency landing. We all buckle up and brace ourselves.

The landing was bumpy and people were hurt but we lived! We are okay! But my mother is not. When she hears the news that I married a non-Jewish girl, she has a heart attack.

I survived! I married the girl I love! I am so happy! Nothing can bring me down! Until... I find out that the airline lost our luggage.

NOTE: That story was made-up. But if it was true, it would be pretty cool.